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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For calling out to another mum about her child?

37 replies

GraceandFrankie · 27/10/2021 17:37

I have a 7 month old, my first, so very conscious I have PFB syndrome. I don’t even deny that I’m precious with him, which is why I want some to perspective on this and advice on how to deal with similar situations in future, as I have no idea what is an appropriate response.

I was pushing DS in his pram yesterday when a child of around 5-6 years old with his mum walked past and whacked DS in the face. It wasn’t hard enough for DS to cry but it made him jump. So I went mama bear and called out to his mum to tell her to not let her child hit my baby in the face.

She came back and was very apologetic, so it was very civil between us. Turned out she’s pregnant and the little boy is trying to get used to the idea of babies.

Did I do the right thing or should I have let it go? I genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is in these situations.

OP posts:
2typesofjungle · 27/10/2021 17:40

I'm not sure exactly what "call her out" means, but if you calmly pointed out that her son hit yours and she then apologised, then that all seems pretty straightforward.

DeepaBeesKit · 27/10/2021 17:40

Are you sure the child was as old as 5 or 6? I'm amazed a school aged child would do this

JustHavinABreak · 27/10/2021 17:41

Sounds completely reasonable to me. You'll find out for yourself as the years go by DCs can sometimes act up and make a complete show of you but it sounds here like you were both aware of the boundaries. You were watching out for your DS and she was honest enough to say that they were having a wee problem.

Original poster
GraceandFrankie · 27/10/2021 17:41

@2typesofjungle

I'm not sure exactly what "call her out" means, but if you calmly pointed out that her son hit yours and she then apologised, then that all seems pretty straightforward.
I meant call out “excuse me”! They were walking faster than us, so I had to call out to her for her to turn around.
OP posts:
Original poster
GraceandFrankie · 27/10/2021 17:42

@DeepaBeesKit

Are you sure the child was as old as 5 or 6? I'm amazed a school aged child would do this
He definitely looked like he was of school age. He could have been a big child, but he looked about 5 or 6.
OP posts:
WheelieBinPrincess · 27/10/2021 17:43

Sounds like it went the best it could have- she communicated why she thought it had happened and was apologetic.

Except if he was really that age (seems odd for an NT child to randomly do that at that age) I think he should have apologised too, did he look ashamed or oblivious?!

Lasair · 27/10/2021 17:46

I wouldn’t have called after someone if your son wasn’t even bothered by it, but In the park or a party I would say something (gently) no need to be guns a blazing.

Original poster
GraceandFrankie · 27/10/2021 17:46

@WheelieBinPrincess

Sounds like it went the best it could have- she communicated why she thought it had happened and was apologetic.

Except if he was really that age (seems odd for an NT child to randomly do that at that age) I think he should have apologised too, did he look ashamed or oblivious?!

She told him to apologise and he did. But it was more of an obligatory apology, which is completely ok as I get he’s a child!
OP posts:
Extraonions · 27/10/2021 17:48

Where you walking in the opposite direction, so they were passing you when it happened ?

Not really “whacked” …as it was not hard enough to make baby cry

Was it deliberate or accidental ?

What do you mean by called out (and let’s disregard the icky “mama bear” comment”) ? Shouted at her … followed her … ??? What does it mean

I find the whole thing a bit odd … really it’s “small child, catches other small child in face, no damage.. not even any tears”

Good luck when you start going to kids parties

NeverTheHootenanny · 27/10/2021 17:51

I don’t think you were unreasonable to bring it to her attention, and it sounds like she handled it well when you did. But I think you were a bit unreasonable to ‘tell her not to let her child hit yours’ as though she was somehow encouraging or ignoring it when it sounds as though she just didn’t notice. Yea it was wrong of the child to do it but it wasn’t the mums fault, one day your PFB will do something like this and totally embarrass you too.

Original poster
GraceandFrankie · 27/10/2021 17:56

@Extraonions

Where you walking in the opposite direction, so they were passing you when it happened ?

Not really “whacked” …as it was not hard enough to make baby cry

Was it deliberate or accidental ?

What do you mean by called out (and let’s disregard the icky “mama bear” comment”) ? Shouted at her … followed her … ??? What does it mean

I find the whole thing a bit odd … really it’s “small child, catches other small child in face, no damage.. not even any tears”

Good luck when you start going to kids parties

Walking in the same direction. They were walking faster so overtook us.

It was deliberate. Hand went inside the pram, palm of hand hit his face. No accident, no hand catching face.

I called out “excuse me”, she turned around and I told her to tell her child not to hit mine. She came back towards me and asked what happened, I explained and she was apologetic. No drama between us.

Not sure why your last comment is so bitchy. I asked for advice, hence me posting here.

OP posts:
stingofthebutterfly · 27/10/2021 17:56

It's not unreasonable to point out to another parent that their child has done something to potentially hurt yours. Sounds like she didn't notice it happen was responsive enough to being told. No problem.

You are unreasonable to use the awful phrase 'mama bear' though.

BingBongToTheMoon · 27/10/2021 17:57

How could he reach your child in his pram?
Or was it the pushchair part? Just trying to visualise this.

WheelieBinPrincess · 27/10/2021 17:59

The kid I nanny for is six and has shit impulse control. Nothing wrong with him, he’s clever actually, but the amount of tomes I look at him and think ‘what the actual fuck would you do that for?!’

I am always happy to be told about it and get him to apologise but he’s rarely contrite in the heat of the moment.

Sometimes kids are just like that- it’s good that his mum was apologetic.

Original poster
GraceandFrankie · 27/10/2021 18:00

@BingBongToTheMoon

How could he reach your child in his pram? Or was it the pushchair part? Just trying to visualise this.
Pushchair part, at an angle, facing me. I had either stopped or was walking slowly to use my phone.
OP posts:
Rosesareyellow · 27/10/2021 18:03

Every thing sounds fine accept for you using the words ‘mama bear’ Hmm which make me suspect that YABU in some kind of way that you aren’t sharing.

Original poster
GraceandFrankie · 27/10/2021 18:04

@Rosesareyellow

Every thing sounds fine accept for you using the words ‘mama bear’ Hmm which make me suspect that YABU in some kind of way that you aren’t sharing.
I was ready to get annoyed at her, hence my mama bear feeling. But she was really kind and apologetic it completely changed my tone. Honestly.
OP posts:
Pr1mr0se · 27/10/2021 18:16

It's clear the child has issues with his pending new sibling.

godmum56 · 27/10/2021 18:17

yanbu. Why would you not point out that a child had hit a baby?

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 27/10/2021 18:21

How entirely bizarre.

Are you sure he tried to hit him? I would have said maybe he tried to stroke him but got a bit heavy handed? Seems very odd for a little boy to attempt to slap a strange baby?

I would also say although he seemed 5/6 he may only have been 2/3/4. They grow lofty these days - I've got two of my own to prove it! DS was easily in a 5/6 at three sometimes even a 6/7.

mcmooberry · 27/10/2021 18:21

I think it was right to tell her and hopefully he won't do it again.

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 27/10/2021 18:22

Regardless, you did the right thing. You told the mum what he had done, he apologised, the baby was fine. Onwards.

fruitbrewhaha · 27/10/2021 18:22

No, sound alright to me.

She needs to know her child is doing this, so she can keep a closer eye on him. Plus she has told him off for it.

It's all good.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 27/10/2021 18:22

Poor woman if she is having to deal with that behaviour with a new baby coming.

Liverbird77 · 27/10/2021 18:32

My son is almost three. We are potty training and his behaviour is all over the place. He threw a shoe at another boy in a toddler group the other day.
The mum looked at me. I was very apologetic. This kind of behaviour isn't tolerated but can't always be anticipated.

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