Funny Bran Tub Pressie Situation

[amiunreasonable]

OK so I've name changed for this. Don't think the other mums in question are on here but I would hate for them to get the wrong idea about why I'm posting this if they are - I love them all dearly but genuinely think this is a little strange and would like to know if you agree or if I am just hormonal (ds2 born 10 weeks ago)

I am one of a group of 4 girls who met in antenatal class who all have boys. Last year we all did a bran tub type thing for Christmas pressies. This year when I enquired to one of the other mums what she thought we should do this year she came back to me and said that the other 2 had decided that we would each buy one of the boys a pressie so they got something good rather than 3 small things. All good so far. But they have decided that to make it easier that we will all buy the same thing and moreover that one of the mums will buy them all and we can give her the money.

Now I think Bran tub pressie type things are a good idea. I wouldn't even mind the situation where we each gave the others ideas about what our boys would like - sensible really as they all have hundreds of toys and although we see each other all the time it would be difficult to know you weren't getting something they had already. But to be told what we are buying like this seems odd. I don't see why they all have to have the same thing and we couldn't set a guide price so they all had the same kind of value if thats what is driving this. In addition the item chosen is about £25 so not cheap and is similar to a toy my ds has already and doesn't even play with that much.

Don't get me wrong - if he was given this as a surprise we would be very grateful but this just feels like we are giving £25 to buy our own child a toy that he won't even be that bothered about!

Am I being silly? This is a genuine question not a rant. And I know the mums involved will have genuinely thought this would be easier for me esp as I have just had a baby and might not have much time. And its a nice toy too that they will have thought about! I'm going to talk to the mum who is shopping later and tell her what I'm thinking but I wanted to get your thoughts first on whether I am being silly.

I don't think you are being silly - that is a crazy price for a start!

Why can't you just get a book or something for a fiver - seems much more sensible.

NBU

They ABU

£25 is an awful lot ot spend on one present. I would say you are more than happy to buy a gift but don't want to put in £25 for a present you know your child won't play with/already has.

I agree about the price too. We're pretty skint with a toddler and small baby. However we could find the money if the other 3 wanted to spend that.

I was actually going to suggest that we left it this year as they aren't even 2 yet, have far too many toys and will be given tonnes of new stuff anyway. I thought it would be better to save our money for next year when they will be big enough to understand what it is all about!

That probably does make me unreasonable though

YANBU it would be far better to spend the moey on a fun day out for everybody

That is mad. £25 on a bran tub? And for the children?

It's too much money, and the kids have too much usually anyway. Isn't this sort of thing usually done for the mums - who after all spend all Christmas making it nice for everyone else, it's the little gift that lets them know that they're being thought of as well.

To me, it's not what the bran tub is all about.

Good luck with broaching the subject.

YANBU, that's a lot of cash for starters. I assume we aren't talking £25 for a gift for a 10wk old baby though, right? Cos that's insane. I wouldn't be happy if I were in your shoes ... why don't you just say sorry but your DS already has x toy and could you all have a rethink?

Completely reasonable. We don't spend that much on the children's presents from us, so I would be completely at doing it for a present that is ostensibly from someone else.

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YANBU
telling you what to get
all getting the same toy
£25!!!
It got worse as I read through.
Hopefully at least one of the mums in a MN'er and will see this thread and re-thing.
But you have to say something to them - £5 limit and suggest that books would be a good idea.

I agree with everyone else here, £25 is far too much for this kind of thing. We usually set a limit of around £5 and suggest things like books or cars. Have a chat with them and say your ds already has that toy, could we perhaps set a lower limit.

Hope it goes well!

bran tub = lucky dip type thing - or at least the one at school fayre was!

Far too much money!!

I wouldn't even spend £25 on my god-daughter!

What's a bran tub though?

No its not £25 for a 10 week old baby - even in my sleep deprived haze I think I would ahve backed out of that one!

Thanks ladies for all your comments. Going to have a chat with the mum this pm. Just hope she hasn't bought them already...

Message withdrawn

MF, it's £25 per gift!

We've been in similar situation with 5 of us - we do a 'secret santa' type thing so that each couple gets to buy for one specific child - so everyone gets something different, specifically chosen for that child. We have an aim of £10 which I think is more reasonable - enough to get 'proper' present rather than stocking filler or book, but not excessive...

I would say you've already got something very similar, so you don't really want that toy.

£25 is alot - I would be happier with a £10 limit. (or £5 tbh)

Message withdrawn

Its £25 per gift. So each mum pays £25 and each child gets one gift. Sorry for the confusion!

I would be happier to spend less but thats not the main issue for us. Or even that ds1 has something similar. Just the funny situation really of them all having to have the same which is compounded for us by the toy being something we don't think he'll be that bothered about.

Message withdrawn

I think it is a crazy idea, completely over the top amount and I wouldn't join in if I didn't want too.

see now I have a couple of mum friends I am going to suggest a bran tub prezzy but for us! the dcs are only 6mo & we probably won't get many presents as grown-ups & will appreciate it much more!

YANBU. Weird.

We have a similar set up with my NCT group - but we each buy a pressie for max £10 suitable for any of the children and it's a lucky dip type thing. Works brilliantly.

Ok ladies thanks for all your comments.

Spoke to the mum who was sorting all of this yesterday. The reason they wanted to get all the same toys was that 'the boys fight over toys so wanted to get them the same'. OK so that makes more sense to me but I still think really that if they wanted them all to have the same we should all have been involved in choosing the toys or at least the amount we were spending. And actually I think its good for them to not always have the same and learn how to deal with that but thats a whole other debate...

When I told her that ds1 already had a similar toy she said she would get him something else if I wanted so all fine in the end. I didn't dispute the amount though - I would personally have chosen to spend less but we're not so hard up I couldn't afford it and I think wading in and criticising everything they had done would have been a bit much from me.

So we're having a party in a few days to give the boys there pressie - whats the betting that after all this ds1 takes one look at his toy and cries because he wants the other?!! life I guess!

Happy Christmas!