Page 2 | Anxiety about something awful will happen

Ann51aaa · 2021-10-26T21:09:07+00:00

I’m an anxious person. My biggest worry is one of my kids will run off or be kidnapped. They are 2 and 6. I’m always watching them when we go anywhere. Problem now is MIL wants to take my 6 year old DD to a friends party this week it will be in a small venue. I don’t get along with MIL but over past year she has been a godsend. She has really stepped in and helped me with childcare and other things. I have severe anxiety about this event. I won’t be going as I haven’t been invited and MIL is very excited so is my daughter. How fo I get over the fear something awful will happen? Please can I get support in here till the event is over as I don’t feel able to talk to anyone. DH just laughs at me and calls me crazy, don’t want this to become about DH so I will stay on topic! Please help me feel less worried. Just looked at kidnapping stats to make me feel less scared and they were over 5200 a year in Uk! So worried me even more,

cantbeforeal · 27/10/2021 06:01

@Ann51aaa I feel exactly the same it's horrible isn't it

junebirthdaygirl · 27/10/2021 06:28

@Colin56

It sounds like you have a great handle on.this with your child and it sounds like she really benefits. Anxiety like the OP experiences is perpetuated by her not being able to tolerate uncomfortable and distressing thoughts. Therapy will address this and put her in a better place.

This is a good definition of anxiety. It is horrible but remember feeling anxious does not keep your dd any safer. I unknowingly had this feeling that if l was anxious enough l could make bad things not happen.. if that makes sense. This quote helps me " Who of you , by worrying, can add one day to your life? " In other words feeling anxious about it will not make the thing not happen. I had CBT for anxiety..among other things..and he taught me to enjoy life and if something does happen just go into action then instead of wasting my days and my energy anticipating every sort of danger. Please get help for this but in the meantime just remember that anxiety is you not being able to tolerate that uncomfortable feeling ..so feel anxious about this party but do it anyway. For your dd but most especially for yourself as the amount of wasted energy that's going into this is really taking from your life. Getting kidnapped is not the only danger facing your dd. Growing up with an anxious mother who doesn't let you face life is also dangerous as it passes on the anxiety to her life. Maybe plan something for yourself that will keep your mind distracted like meet a friend for coffee so the chat will give your anxious thoughts a break and before you know it she will be back safe and sound.

Anycolourwilldo · 27/10/2021 07:00

The kidnapping stats have very very little to do with strangers (when children are involved) and all to do with separated parents taking their child away from the other parent when they are not supposed to.
You need to seek professional help with your anxiety as it is impacting on a happy family life.

Haggisfish3 · 27/10/2021 07:11

I’ll also add I had similar anxiety about dd. I realised I needed help when I dreamt isis kidnapped us both! I went to gp and now take low dose duloxetine as well as cbt and it has worked miracles. Don’t worry overly about anything at all anymore. Life changing for me.

Fetarabbit · 27/10/2021 07:14

Have you sought help for your anxiety? As this can't be fun for you and eventually will affect your children, please consider it. I suffered with anxiety for many years, it was almost crippling, along with intrusive thoughts and certain triggers that would make me avoid certain day to day things. I sought help when I reached rock bottom and it changed my life- tablets and therapy. It can seem scary but it's worth exploring.

GoodnightGrandma · 27/10/2021 07:14

Have you spoken to the GP or had any help with your anxiety ?
I’m sure you don’t want to pass it on to your children.

Twotinydictators · 27/10/2021 07:27

The CBT Handbook by Pamela Myles is good for dealing with specific issues (definitely hard copy not kindle though).

It's not an unusual to have anxiety about your children. You love them deeply and don't want anything to happen to them. Its normal to feel protective, your job after all is to protect them so that they can get to adulthood. Your anxiety is just getting a bit above what the situation calls for, that's all. CBT either through a therapist or a book will hopefully help you rein your thoughts in and take control.

You recognise you are doing it and that you want to stop for both your and DCs sake so that's a great start

User112 · 27/10/2021 07:29

It’s not normal to feel this anxious. You need medical help OP !

jackiebenimble · 27/10/2021 07:43

I think its really important that you understand that the rules and controls we put in place to deal with anxiety actually entrench it and reinforce it in your brain.

I'd highly recommend cbt or some other therapy to unpick how you are feeling. And to know generally. You dont have to live your life like this.

Your kids are still young at the moment. But you are not far off drop off and leave birthday parties and playdates. You need to have this in check by the time they happen. You owe it to DC to be making them less anxious about the world.

Lolalime · 27/10/2021 08:06

Hey OP, I think I know how you feel and wanted to post to u but I’m rubbish at writing. Avoiding situations that make you anxious will only make it worse. In this cave scenario if it were me, I would let the child go and whilst they are gone try to do something to keep you busy. Each time an anxious thought comes fo you replace it with something good to come out of this situation eg your child spending time with family, making friends and most importantly having a great time. Ask your MIL to send you a txt midway through. I know it’s hard, not something you can switch off but you have to be careful not to project your worries to your child. you can’t stop living because of your fears xxx

doyouwantachuffedybadge · 27/10/2021 08:37

I would have thought feeling like this is perfectly normal. Ive felt like this ever since my child was born and often cry at the thought of them being kidnapped or murdered or choking on something when I'm not there or being run over. Surely this is all just stuff parents worry about? The worry dissipates about certain things as they get older and I'm hoping by the time my child is old enough to be able to fight against a potential kidnapper, knows how to cross the road properly, knows that chewing their food properly is important, that I'll worry a bit less. Obviously there are then other things to worry about as they get older though.

I think it's natural instinct to worry about your children, especially as the world is such a dangerous place. All you can do is prepare them for all the potential dangers and hope for the best. But I know I would die if anything happened to my child, so can understand how you're feeling OP.

Fetarabbit · 27/10/2021 08:39

@doyouwantachuffedybadge

I would have thought feeling like this is perfectly normal. Ive felt like this ever since my child was born and often cry at the thought of them being kidnapped or murdered or choking on something when I'm not there or being run over. Surely this is all just stuff parents worry about? The worry dissipates about certain things as they get older and I'm hoping by the time my child is old enough to be able to fight against a potential kidnapper, knows how to cross the road properly, knows that chewing their food properly is important, that I'll worry a bit less. Obviously there are then other things to worry about as they get older though.

I think it's natural instinct to worry about your children, especially as the world is such a dangerous place. All you can do is prepare them for all the potential dangers and hope for the best. But I know I would die if anything happened to my child, so can understand how you're feeling OP.

If its impacting daily life then its probably wavering over the line of being reasonably cautious and taking into account safety when making decisions etc, and being an issue.

Dozer · 27/10/2021 08:43

Vital to do everything possible to improve your mental health. As well as seeking help the ‘self care’ stuff like exercise, sleep, avoid alcohol etc. I do this and still struggle at times.

I wouldn’t be OK with my DC attending the event, however, for unrelated reasons. unless DC already personally knew the bride to be and/or groom to be pretty well. It’s primarily an adults event. If your DC does NOT know the couple, this is essentially just your PiL ‘showing off’ their grandchild to their friends/acquaintances, perhaps at the hosts’ expense, and is unnecessary! May or may not be fun for DD.

junebirthdaygirl · 28/10/2021 08:49

@doyouwantachuffedybadge

I would have thought feeling like this is perfectly normal. Ive felt like this ever since my child was born and often cry at the thought of them being kidnapped or murdered or choking on something when I'm not there or being run over. Surely this is all just stuff parents worry about? The worry dissipates about certain things as they get older and I'm hoping by the time my child is old enough to be able to fight against a potential kidnapper, knows how to cross the road properly, knows that chewing their food properly is important, that I'll worry a bit less. Obviously there are then other things to worry about as they get older though.

I think it's natural instinct to worry about your children, especially as the world is such a dangerous place. All you can do is prepare them for all the potential dangers and hope for the best. But I know I would die if anything happened to my child, so can understand how you're feeling OP.

Sorry to tell you this but as children get older there are more things to worry about Bullies, alcohol, drugs, sleepovers, learning to drive , other kids driving, leaving home, failing exams., concerts that last for whole weekends , travelling in dangerous countries...the list goes on...it never ends so it is important to rein in the anxiety or you will be off your head constantly even when they are grown up. Actually when they are young and with you mostly there is little to worry about but the more they move away the greater the risks so as mothers getting a grip on anxiety at the early stages is vital.

Original poster

Ann51aaa · 28/10/2021 22:58

I’m absolutely fuming. MIL is still not back and is not answering my text or calls. It’s nearly 11pm and no idea when my daughter will be back.

OP posts:

Haggisfish3 · 28/10/2021 23:17

That’s completely out of order from mil, regardless of anxiety.

Haggisfish3 · 28/10/2021 23:18

Can you go to venue?

Original poster

Ann51aaa · 29/10/2021 07:14

@Haggisfish3. Thank you. DH finally got hold of MIL and she told him she’s staying over with her! My anxiety is worse around some people a d I realise this now. He’s not annoyed obviously as it’s his mum a d he told me I’m making a big deal. Anyways she’s there now safely sleeping and hopefully will be home later this morning.

OP posts:

junebirthdaygirl · 29/10/2021 07:16

That's absolutely ridiculous and means it's the last time she can take her anywhere. Here we were all encouraging you to face your fears which you obviously did and now mil let you down.

Dozer · 29/10/2021 12:42

So you have a DH problem as well as an in laws problem!

You may well be overanxious about certain things and need to work on that. Doesn’t mean their behaviour is OK.