AIBU to hate playdates?

[JemimaPyjamas]

I do it anyway, and hopefully hide it, but I have realised that I hate it.

I used to love being around kids but since having my own, seem to have gone off them (other than my own, that is!) All of DS's friends seem to wear a bit thin after an hour or two, which is awful of me really but I can't help it!

I have a boy here, both he and my DS are 9, and it's bloody chaos. We had a long walk out which went well but, like dogs, they seem to be better outdoors. Indoors it seems to be creating constant mess and noise. They currently want a Nerf battle and all I can think of is my expensive wall paper or light fittings!

I know it's the norm, and I suppose it should be as they are having fun and that's the most important etc etc, but AIBU to actually bloody hate it and be counting down the hours till he / they get collected...?!

My kids' friends come to our house to play (we don't arrange it or call them play dates though. They're just in & out of each others' houses as well as on the street outside) and it does my head in when they get loud and giddy so we just tell them to calm down or go outside. We don't arrange activities or whatever; the kids just get their toys and/or books out and organise their own play.

Well, it's like any small talk when you're getting to know someone who's a stranger. It feels unnatural at first. If you click then it becomes enjoyable, surely? If you don't click so much but your children do then if your children are having the playdate because THEY get on and are pestering for it, presumably they are also old enough to leave there. You just say that you've got a a busy week on and are happy to drop your child and have theirs over at yours too but you'lll have to get on with ironing/paying bills/phoning the bank or whatever.

No-one would ever make new friends if they didn't make an effort to get to know the other person as someone other than your child's parent.

It really depends on the friend, I find. And the dynamics between one sibling’s friend and the other sibling can be a problem. I’ve even had tears where someone’s friend preferred playing with the other sibling.

I always insist on dropping home now so I’m not stuck waiting for a parent to turn up, and play hide and seek with a child who refuses to go. It also helps wind down my kids too.

I prefer when the other parent stays to chat but most people understandably just want the free childcare hours.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

fucking awful but my child is younger and the part i hate is having to feign interest in the parents who stay.

Yep.... this is the part I dread! The other kids are fine and I don't mind the mess or noise mostly. I'm just an introvert so find having the parent of the other child round/being at theirs a bit wearing quite quickly! Often we don't know each other well and it all feels a bit pressurised for me being in such familiar quarters! I also bloody hate small talk!

One of the reasons I live so far away from school. I can never host the play date, because I don’t drive and no children want to walk 40 ish minutes to get to my house for a play date.

Win win. Actually looking at moving even further away but then I’d have to drive but I don’t think many parents would want their children on play dates the other side of the city either.

You sound a little uptight op if I’m honest.

Still! At least you’re making the effort. Fake it until you make it that’s what I say 😊

YANBU if that's your experience and you're entitled to not enjoy it, but I don't mind on the whole. I've got 2 dd 7 and 9 and It's really important to me that they feel comfortable bringing friends over as they grow up. My dd have both felt lonely during the pandemic and have lost a lot of ground friendship-wise, so I am happy to do what I can to help them build friendships again. DD 9 has ASD and it's particularly difficult for her, so I am delighted when she has a friend over. They do still need some supervision but it's obviously not like the toddler mayhem days.

Maybe it makes a difference that I love having my friends over so I see it as a normal thing to encourage.

I used to invite my friends round with their children/vice versa. It kept us all sane. Like going to a fun place: soft play, park, walk in the woods or whatever.
Bit of adult company and an extra pair of eyes on the children.
I didn't really enjoy having unknowns round, but if they played well and became known, then that was ok. Brats weren't generally invited back.
I think things have changed now but in the early days of having children it was more, come for a coffee and bring the kids, rather than 'play date'.
It wasn't so common for mothers to work full time then either, so it was more relaxed, perhaps.

The children also tended to play out or in and out of each others houses then (late 80s/early 90s) So more likely other neighbourhood kids than school friends)