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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cooking late at night

27 replies

midnightpopcorn · 26/10/2021 08:42

I've been getting increasingly pissed off with my teen having friends over and cooking late at night. We live in a small flat and from my bedroom I can hear pretty much everything. Additionally we have elderly neighbors downstairs.

So last night at about 9.30 I said, I'm going to bed in about an hour can you do any cooking you want to do now so you're not doing it late as I have work tomorrow and the neighbors will be asleep too.

Then 1.30am I'm awake, there they are cooking popcorn in the microwave, boiling the kettle for something and slamming the cutlery draw. I didn't lose it, I was relatively calm but basically said what do you think you're doing and why do you think this is okay?? No reply other than that what do I expect them to do - starve!!?

There are snacks that can be accessed quickly and quietly. So no, I don't expect them to starve.

So, is the request for no kitchen noise after 10.30 unreasonable? Am I being weird and over the top?

They're just turned 16.

OP posts:
Original poster
midnightpopcorn · 26/10/2021 08:44

Oh, this isn't a special sleepover by the way. I'd be more lenient if it was a party or a birthday or whatever. This is just a friend crashing which happens a couple of times a week

OP posts:
Mydogisagentleman · 26/10/2021 08:49

I would be pretty pissed off too (although thrilled to see our DD who is at university)
Why do they need to eat at that time? I think I would be inclined to say friends weren’t welcome to crash if they carried on like that

TotallySuper · 26/10/2021 08:49

They're 16 you're still the parent. Kitchen is closed at X time like it or lump it. They still need boundaries. Using the microwave at 1am is ridiculous. They won't starve because its not normal to eat at that time having already had a full day of food at "normal" times.

DGFB · 26/10/2021 08:51

Buy extra snacks and tell them to eat their way through them.. and that you don’t want any kitchen noise! Nice that you let friends stay though, I think that’s lovely

Original poster
midnightpopcorn · 26/10/2021 08:57

Oh they had snacks, plenty!

I always wanted to be flexible with her friends staying. My mum wasn't and as a result we were often up to no good at the park or I'd be at another friends house sharing my secrets with the more easy going mums.

So I'm happy they're here. I just started to think does noise go with the territory or is a kitchen closes at 10.30 rule okay??

OP posts:
nextdoorslawnmower · 26/10/2021 09:00

Was this a weekend? Weeknights I'd be saying your friends need to leave. It's ok to have boundaries. Your kids are taking the piss.

Original poster
midnightpopcorn · 26/10/2021 09:01

No this was last night. It is half term here though. Week nights I do let them stay but they go to bed at a sensible time for school

OP posts:
Original poster
midnightpopcorn · 26/10/2021 10:29

I've now been told to shushhhh because I put the kettle on.

OP posts:
Monsterpumpkins · 26/10/2021 10:32

Our kitchen shuts at 10 pm!! Ddogs go to bed in there!!
Dc know to be out by then!!
Grin
Get dd a mini fridge for Xmas. Stock it for sleepovers...

AtlanticCityProof · 26/10/2021 10:35

You sound unreasonably easy going to me.
Anyway, I’m sure you can sort it out and get your kitchen and sleep back.

MilduraS · 26/10/2021 10:43

You sound very accommodating. Closing the kitchen at 10.30 isn't harsh, especially not if they have access to snacks that don't need to be cooked. They sound like typical inconsiderate teens and it's ok to say no.

Bonbon21 · 26/10/2021 10:44

There is accomodating and there is carpet.
YOU are the adult in YOUR house.

Original poster
midnightpopcorn · 26/10/2021 10:57

Right - today I will be implementing a kitchen closed at 10.30am rule. And bask in my reasonableness

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 26/10/2021 11:23

Actually, the kitchen use you are talking about doesn't seem that bad. I was going to suggest that they restrict it to tea and toast and then realised that you are unhappy about a boiling kettle and the ping of a microwave.
You say there are other snacks available, but presumably making a sandwich is still going to make a noise- what do you think they should have?
If they are night birds, it seems hard that they can't use the kitchen at all.
I say this from the position of having had to ban actual cooking ( eg burgers) late at night in my kitchen because of the smell waking me up, but I'm wondering what your compromise could be.
I think a total ban on kitchen use after 10.30 is going to cause big resentment.

Original poster
midnightpopcorn · 26/10/2021 11:46

Yes I meant closed for cooking things that make a noise. The microwave is really loud (3 shrill beeps) and the kettle whistles! Plus it's the banging of the cutlery drawers - which could be closed without a sound if there was any thought for the fact people are sleeping.

I don't mind them grabbing snacks or even making sandwiches as long as there's consideration. I'm sure when I was a teenager we used to sneak around and be as quiet as possible...

OP posts:
Original poster
midnightpopcorn · 26/10/2021 11:47

It's unfortunate the way we live really as it's so small and elderly neighbors aren't ideal.

OP posts:
TotallySuper · 26/10/2021 11:54

Invest in a new kettle just because the whistling at any time would be annoying Grin joking!

suspiria777 · 26/10/2021 12:50

I'd be more lenient if it was a party or a birthday or whatever. This is just a friend crashing which happens a couple of times a week

Sounds like you're already being bloody lenient, OP. The reason other people don't have similar issues is because they don't let similar things go on. Your teen must know you're a soft touch with a very lax attitude to boundaries.

suspiria777 · 26/10/2021 12:51

@midnightpopcorn

Right - today I will be implementing a kitchen closed at 10.30am rule. And bask in my reasonableness
...Do you mean PM?
Original poster
midnightpopcorn · 26/10/2021 12:52

Sorry yes PM!

OP posts:
Feedingthebirds1 · 26/10/2021 13:13

If ever there was a case of your house, your rules, this is it.

Tell DD that either she stops making such a racket or the friends aren't to come over any more. In trying to be flexible (your word) I suspect you've been a bit too forgiving and tried a bit too hard not to be 'that' parent, so now she thinks she can do as she wants.

And if she's really telling you to shush because the kettle's on (because she was late up with her friend so she isn't getting up) then it's time for some very stern words. She's not the boss of you.

AtlanticCityProof · 26/10/2021 22:36

Did it all go well?

Original poster
midnightpopcorn · 26/10/2021 22:40

So far so good!! I wonder if it's gone down well because she's no intention of keeping to it or because she genuinely understands. All will be revealed!

OP posts:
AtlanticCityProof · 27/10/2021 09:56

Good! I’m sure you will stay firm. Whoever said it might cause ‘big resentment’ sounded peculiarly pessimistic.

Original poster
midnightpopcorn · 27/10/2021 10:43

Food was made before I went to bed and if they did break the rule they were very quiet about it and left no evidence so all is well!!

I've said I want a couple of evenings just us now so it won't come up again until the weekend at least

OP posts:
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