To feel like he does know what’s going on but doesn’t want to say

[Bolynne]

Ok so I’m posting here for traffic but it might be tmi so I apologise in advance. I was hoping for a few different people’s perspectives as I don’t know what to think.

Ok so me and my dh are having some issues in the bedroom. I know that over the years you can have the odd blip but we never really have not until now at least. Basically, and like I said I’m sorry if this is tmi, my dh keeps losing his erection when we go to have sex. I know this can happen every now and again and it’s usually no big deal but it’s happening like all the time now. What I don’t get though is when we are fooling around dh doesn’t have a problem getting or keeping an erection but the moment we go to dtd he looses it. I haven’t made a huge deal about it as I don’t want him to feel bad, but deep down I’m frustrated. FWIW He’s 45, I’m 40. He’s not overweight, doesn’t drink to excess, is relatively fit etc so I doubt it’s anything medical, especially when you factor in he can get and keep an erection when we are doing other things. So yeah I’m not sure what’s going on. I’ve asked him if he’s ok and he assures me our sex life (when we have it) is great and I have to agree it’s always been good. That’s what’s frustrating. This has been going on for about 3 months now and although we are both satisfied in general with the intimacy between us we are both frustrated due the lack of sex. AIBU to think it’s either me or if it’s not me my dh knows what is going on with him but he doesn’t want to say?

Yeah he sees it as a problem. He gets frustrated and a bit embarrassed. I know it’s not my problem but I want to have sex just as much as my dh does so it’s kind of a shared issue.

I’m not.

It is a shared issue, I agree. But short of you taking his knob to the doctor's for a check up, he's the one who has to actually deal with it. Has he made any attempt to find help, or is the embarrassment and apologising as far as it goes.

No he hasn’t sought any help for the problem. I think he’s burying his head in the sand.

I’ve noticed that every football half time on tv, the adverts contain one about ED, so I’m guessing it’s a common problem.

I agree with PP

Its either- it happened randomly a couple of times and now he is panicking about it. In which case you need to stop trying to have sex for a while and try and take the pressure off.

There is a medical issue that he needs to see the doctor about (should rule this out if it's been going on a few months)

Something has changed with his porn use that you are not aware of. Frequency or type or live cams or something, and this has got into his head and crossed over into your sex life. It's a difficult one as the only way to find out if it's this is to ask some pretty intrusive questions

Then the next time it's discussed, encourage him to see his GP. Both of you want a decent sex life, but that now depends on his next course of action.

My DH has this difficulty. Viagra works, but Cialis is better.

I've been with a couple of partners post vasectomy and they have both been able to maintain long periods of intercourse while erect but have issues finishing.

My current partner also had issues maintaining erection at times. The vasectomy could be affecting his mental state was was the sex like between June and July? Not a long period of time? He might have issue coming with just vaginal intercourse. This happens semi- regularly for us but we work around it

I’m going to try and talk to him once the dc are in bed tonight. I don’t want to make a big deal about it as that might make the problem worse but then at the same time we can’t just ignore the problem can we.

The only issue I can think of off the top of my head is that we have teenagers in the house so we have to be fairly quiet. But then again our bedroom is downstairs and the kids rooms are upstairs. We usually have the some on and wait until late evening when the kids are usually settling down. But I don’t know maybe dh is worried the dc may hear us or come downstairs.

According to the adverts, 40% of men over 40 have trouble getting or keeping an erection.