To not change my plans?

[Blahdyblahbla]

We've got a paper calender, column for each person, hangs in the kitchen. DH has form for "forgetting" to check the calender and double booking.
In a few weeks I have plans to have dinner and drinks with a friend on a Saturday night, I very rarely go out, through choice / tiredness of having young dc / covid.
On the very same day DH has been given a ticket for a sporting event, obviously date and time are fixed.
I've just had enough, and said he needs to sort childcare. It will be tricky on that particular night, and one of us would need to be home and sober reasonably early.
I could change my night, but due to schedules it'd be relegated to a Tuesday or something, obviously changing the dynamics and meaning it'd be a lot less fun as it would be business as usual the next day with work, school runs etc.
Am I being unnecessarily mean?

If it was a one-off error by your DH, I’d change my plans. If he has form for it and is otherwise capable of being an adult, not a chance.

No, you are not. He should have checked and now it's his responsibility to find a solution.

Nope, he needs to sort child care or sleep over.
He also needs to be the one to get up with DC in the morning.
Better yet, book a hotel room or bnb and leave him to sort the weekend.

He needs to sort the kids or pass the ticket on.
Stand firm or he might ‘forget’ more often.

No, yanbu. He sounds s bit irritating if he does it repeatedly.

@DreamerSeven

If it was a one-off error by your DH, I’d change my plans. If he has form for it and is otherwise capable of being an adult, not a chance.

OP has already said he has form for it.

No way would I change my plans. Why is his social life more important than yours? And you are right, changing to midweek completely changes the dynamic, do isn't a reasonable compromise

Whoever has the plans first shouldn’t need to change them, he can sort childcare if he now wants to go out, surely he’s capable of doing that?

Definitely not being unreasonable. Ideally he should assume responsibility for sorting childcare without being asked because it's his mistake/you'd already booked yours. Do you think he's doing this in purpose?

Myself an DP have our diaries on our phones and when one of us want to do something we check with the other. And then we both put it on our own diaries.

You say he has form for it so no.

I'd interpret it as him not giving a shit what you may have planned and believing that his plans take precedence and if there's a clash you must cancel/rearrange yours. The not checking would be deliberate so he can say sorry, I forgot, well, I can't rearrange now (so you'll have to change plans to accommodate me because what I want is what matters)
And that's what I would tell him it comes across as
If it genuinely isn't, he'll be horrified that that's how you see it. If he isn't, well, nail on head then

Yanbu

Behaviours have consequences.

He can absolutely go but does need to sort child care and stay sober.

Depends how far away the football ground is. Assuming KO at 3pm, he should be out of the stadium and at his car/station by, say, 5pm.

The only problem YOU have is do you trust him to organise someone to babysit or for him to come straight home after the game.

What happens if it gets to 6pm and your taxi arrives and he's still not appeared/there's no babysitter?

Ideally, you need to be out before him.

Maybe now he'll remember to look at the calendar! 🤷‍♀️ Id be furious x

No, don't change your plans - he then might learn to check your calendar.

No definitely don't change your plans or as pp said he will just keep doing it. If the paper calendar doesn't work though would a linked phones one work better? Perhaps you need to push yourself and go out more (if you want to of course, even if its just for an hours coffee on a sat morning or exercise class in the evening) so he stops assuming you will always be there and realises he has to check every time.