To be scared of the second baby coming along?

[Belle82]

So we’re expecting another baby in January and I have suffered with PND OCD since our first - 3 years ago.

I have asked for counselling for months and will be going on AD’s after this baby is born.

Right now though I am just anxious about everything, my big fear when my little girl was born was her dying or something bad happening to her. That comes flooding back when we’re getting her ready for bed, which has surprised me.

I’m scared I won’t love this one as much.

And I’m scared my husband just feels so distant during this pregnancy in comparison to the last (both babies were ivf so very much wanted by both of us)

And the cherry on top is the fact that my mum is flying back from a holiday abroad 3 days before our baby is due to be born, when the country is expecting another covid peak this winter. She was due to be taking care of our 3 year old during the labour, but now I don’t particularly want her around for 7-10 days after she arrives at least.

I’m sorry this is very much a victim post and I don’t mean it to be, I just needed to tell someone about all this anxiety. 😔

Hi OP - congrats on your pregnancy! So many things going on for you just wanted to comment on your mum coming. This sounds a pretty risky move to me and like it would be a good idea to have an alternative and tell her in advance that you're going to get something else sorted. I would worry that baby might come a little bit early, and that she wouldn't be there at all...! All the best

I had horrendous post natal anxiety and birth flashbacks after my first and I was terrified what would happen when the second arrived, but for me something clicked into place. I felt more of a mum the second time, and I was able to let go of the intensity I had with my eldest and be more relaxed. It wasn’t all plain sailing but it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I’d feared.

I genuinely found it much easier being a mum of two than a mum of one.

I didn’t experience the intense rush of love with my second child; it took a while before I felt a bond but it came in its own time.

It sounds like you’ve made sensible plans regarding ADs and counselling. I think you should trust your instincts. Have a chat with your mum and see if there’s a possibility of her coming sooner.

Thank you both so much, you have made me feel better about this.
I go through moments of being completely calm and confident I can do this, then other times I am a total mess 😔

I’ve got a close friend, she lives in closeish and she has offered to be here if needed, I hate having to burden people though and my mum said yes over 6 months ago, then dropped on me she was going on holiday (11hour flight away) until 3 days before!
Think I will take my friend up on her offer.

Thank you again.

That’s brilliant that you have a friend to call on.

I think we worry too much about being a burden and forget that other people get something out of helping out. In fact, as long as you do worry about it, it’s proof that you’re not a CF!