Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask grandmother to stop buying presents

24 replies

Thumbelina3 · 24/10/2021 18:22

My mother in law has been massively swayed by all the media reports about supply / stock problems and is already doing her Christmas shopping. This afternoon my husband was summoned to collect some wrapped Christmas presents from her house that are for our 20 month old - she clearly doesn’t want them taking up space at her house. They consist of 3 enormous boxes and one smaller box. I know the smaller box is 10 books and one of the larger boxes is a sand / water table. No idea what the other boxes are. Now we have to store all this stuff until Christmas and I’m worried that isn’t going to be all of it.

I just think that the sheer amount and size of the presents is ridiculous. Or son won’t appreciate it all and still won’t understand Christmas this year. It was the same last year when she gave him piles and piles of presents.

It also annoys me that she doesn’t consult us before buying things (particularly large items). Last year she got the hump as she ended up buying books our son already had and bought him a walker and we had already got him one. If she asked, I would have suggested more useful things like clothes in the next size up. Also, we will soon move our son into another room as we are expecting another baby early next year and are redoing room arrangements. It would be much more useful if she could buy some nice things for the new room.

Also, I feel like she is making Christmas all about consumerism and, to my mind, it is about much more than that.

Do you think I can have a word with her about it or am I being grumpy / unreasonable?

OP posts:
ScamTheSchool · 24/10/2021 18:26

Do you think I can have a word with her about it or am I being grumpy / unreasonable?

YANBU but neither should you talk to her about it. That is your DH's job!

Nc123 · 24/10/2021 18:30

Your husband needs to get her to calm down a bit. My MIL is like this - she forgets that we have a small house and that there are lots of other family members who want to spoil my kids.

SunndyD · 24/10/2021 18:31

Ah she could be the other way and not bother at all… I’d just suck it up and enjoy it

Ponoka7 · 24/10/2021 18:32

You are quite ok to talk to her about it. It would be useful if your DH could do it, but if he won't then you'll have to.

Flossieskeeper · 24/10/2021 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 24/10/2021 18:35

I agree that getting big presents is a nuisance- l am sure many parents have been in the same position. At the same time you can't say 'Christmas isn't about consumerism' then say 'but you can buy this which isn't something DS will enjoy but it will save us buying it' - l am being blunt but that is what you are expecting. Of course tell her no more presents. Tell her no more big presents ever, please. But don't ask her to buy things that are more for you than your DS.

Sparklybanana · 24/10/2021 18:56

You can say something but it won't make a difference. My mil is constantly buying things for everyone and whilst it's nice she thinks of us, I think she just loves shopping. I now just put it straight in the charity sack or just leave it at her house. I also return the reusable bags she brings it all in because we have a shit ton already and it's not environment friendly if you buy new ones everything you buy a whole bunch of plastic crop from China. So stressful. Wish it wasn't but I'm constantly decluttering and then a new load arrives. You don't have to give it to your kid. Especially if you've already said no.

flatclearancehelp · 24/10/2021 18:59

You or hubby should ask her (nicely of course) to reduce the quantity /size of stuff she buys because you simply don't have room for it.

Sell / regift/ last years stuff on ebay, FB marketplace, charity shops to make room for the new intake.

If she complains be clear with her you don't have room and offer it back to her to regift elsewhere., but it's got to be gone from your place.

Don't allow her to dictate what takes up room in your house.

Don't open everything she gives you so you can resell. Put money into kids accounts.

Good luck!

Floralnomad · 24/10/2021 18:59

YANBU about asking her to buy less in general and store it herself but YABU to ask her to or want to ask her to buy clothes and stuff for the bedroom as clothes and furniture / furnishings are not presents for a child , they are presents for a child’s parents .

Lockdownbear · 24/10/2021 19:01

Someone needs to have a word, either you or DH.

statetrooperstacey · 24/10/2021 19:08

Stack it all up and take a picture and show her there isn’t physically any more room.
Tell her if you take the gifts you are going to have to open them and give them to ds to play with as they take up less room out of the boxes.
Or do what I did, when my mum rocked up ( just because , not a birthday or Xmas) with a MASSIVE rocking unicorn I said it can stay for a week ( to stop the tears ) then it’s living at yours mother. And it did, for about 3 years 😁 she was much more restrained afterwards !

Original poster
Thumbelina3 · 25/10/2021 08:58

Thanks all. My husband is never going to say anything to his mother. She is not in the best health and he says that buying things for her beloved grandchildren is one of the few comforts she has at the moment. To be honest, I just think she has a shopping addiction and is bored sitting around the house doing nothing else all day. It is lovely that she thinks of our son and wants to be generous, but we just end up with loads of plastic crap that mostly doesn’t get used / played with.

To make matters worse, we have a cellar but can’t even store stuff in there because it is full of my parents in law’s stuff as they didn’t want to keep paying for a storage unit (that is a whole other story). It just feels like we are downing in stuff that I can’t really get rid of.

MIL will also frequently hand me bags of things she clears out of her own home, pretty much all of it tat, and I just give that all straight to charity shops.

OP posts:
Youseethethingis · 25/10/2021 09:29

Id stick a fair chunk of the stuff straight on gumtree and put the proceeds towards something your DS would actually benefit from, whether that's in an account to go towards trips or for him to spend himself when he's older or whatever.
Too much stuff in the house is a stressful burden. Why do we think Marie Kondo sold so many books?
I had this chat with my MIL when I was pregnant, having witnessed the shit tonne of crap that gets shovelled in the direction of DSDs mothers 2 bed flat.

  • I'd rather my child had space to play
  • I'd rather DH and I were the ones to choose his special presents like bikes etc.
  • I'd rather my child didn't become overwhelmed and spoilt
  • I'd rather he actually with and enjoyed the toys he has
  • I'd rather my child ran to his gran for a hug instead of to see what crap she had brought him this time.
Last Christmas I actually cried as we had to go and collect the presents from MILs and my entire estate car was full, including the footwells. We were months getting the back log of cardboard out of the house and 90% of it was a complete and utter waste of time/money/space.
cansu · 25/10/2021 09:33

She has bought three nice gifts and was worried about them arriving in time so got them early. It is also a bit unfair to moan that you would rather she bought him clothes. They are gifts. That means she buys what she wants to give him. I think you need to get over yourself a bit.

The random bags of shit you deal with by saying no thank you I am decluttering the house.

Briony123 · 25/10/2021 09:55

Try telling her that it's lovely she is so generous but you don't have room for the plastic tat and it will be donated to the local charity shop immediately after Christmas because the child is too young to notice/care. So she needs to consider what will sell well for charity when purchasing.

Anonymouseposter · 25/10/2021 10:02

It's not unreasonable to ask her to reduce the quantity and size as you don't have room for it all. It isn't unreasonable to ask her to give you an idea what she's getting so that you don't duplicate.
It's very unreasonable though for you to ask for clothes and furnishings which aren't fun for either her or your child and you could buy yourself. It's a bit fun police.

Vbree · 25/10/2021 10:06

I wouldn't say anything to be honest. I get it's annoying especially if like me you hardly have any storage space, but I'd just say thanks and leave it at that. She means well.

Danikm151 · 25/10/2021 10:20

I had to be firm with the grandparents this year. No toys. He has more than enough and is only just starting to use stuff they got him last year.
Money for his account then I will use that throughout the year for things he needs(clothes, shoes etc) then days out.
They’ve agreed especially when they visit my 2 bed terrace and realise the magnitude of toys!

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 25/10/2021 10:23

Really annoying, I always pass any gifts for my niece and nephew by my sister to make sure there is no duplication or anything enormous that they either have already or don't want.
It just makes sense.

Bonbon21 · 25/10/2021 10:28

A couple of small not expensive wrapped gifts per child... set cash amount to parents for as and when things ( secondhand if appropriate) are needed throughout the following year.
Kids grow up so fast, grow out of toys and clothes, so if they only have them for a few months stuff can be passed on or sold in good condition.
Everybody happy!

SickAndTiredAgain · 25/10/2021 10:37

@SunndyD

Ah she could be the other way and not bother at all… I’d just suck it up and enjoy it
It’s benefiting no one if she’s buying presents they already have though.

We ended up with three different push along tricycles for DD’s second birthday from various grandparents and great grandparents.

Original poster
Thumbelina3 · 25/10/2021 10:37

I’m not trying to be the “fun police” but I also don’t want DS to be spoiled and also, it is my home too, and I don’t want to feel like I am tripping over toys etc. everywhere I move. When it comes to large items, I do think it would be thoughtful to ask in order to make sure that it is not a duplication and/or that there is space. Also, if it was me giving the presents, I would want to know that it is something that is genuinely wanted and being used. I’m just desperately trying to declutter and organise before baby no. 2 and this is not helping!

OP posts:
Sallyfreckles · 25/10/2021 11:12

I completely feel your pain OP! We have the same with the inlaws, every Christmas they turn up with a santa sack for each of our 3 children (that santa "dropped off at theirs" - don't get me started on this lol) full of plastic tat or repetitions of what we have. I just wish they'd buy one nice thing that they will use and will be appreciated! DH has tried to tell them but they just won't listen, we end up regifting a lot of it, or if they open it at their house, some of it stays there ha ha. Sorry I've no advice but don't feel bad for wanting to cut down on "stuff".

Notjustanymum · 25/10/2021 13:23

Can’t you “summon her over” to clear a space in your cellar of their stuff that they are too tight to pay for storage for, in order that you can store the presents until Christmas? Then tell them you would like them to start removing the rest of their crap from your home as with 2 DC’s you will need extra storage room once new DC is born.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page