Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how often your primary school aged children see friends outside of school

81 replies

Blended87 · 24/10/2021 17:09

Just curious as to what is normal. My Y4 son plays football twice a week and so sees a few school friends doing that. Then maybe once a month we will arrange a soft play date with a friend of his. My Y1 daughter probably sees a friend at least once a half term/school holiday. I work full time so try to keep weekends for family time but I'm aware they need to socialise especially my y4 son.

OP posts:
usernotfound0000 · 24/10/2021 18:21

Year 2 and it's rare. But she goes to after school club a few times a week, a dance class and rainbows so opportunities are limited. We see friends with kids the same age rather than school friends at the weekend iyswim.

Beebopawhop · 24/10/2021 18:24

My year 4 has none which I now feel bad about...my year 1 has none either. They have parties with their school friends nearly every weekend though 😂

ThePoisonousMushroom · 24/10/2021 18:29

They usually have a friend round after school for tea every 1-2 weeks, and get invited to their friends the same amount. Like some others I don’t keep weekends for ‘family time’… I like to see my friends at weekends sometimes and so do the children! Last Sunday we had DD1’s friend here for the afternoon while DD2 was at a party.
They usually have friends parties to go to around every 3-4 weeks too.
They also see school friends at Rainbows/Brownies/dance classes etc.

TheCanyon · 24/10/2021 18:32

Every day pretty much.

Notmulan · 24/10/2021 18:43

Sadly really rarely after school. I wish they did more but I don’t know how it would happen. I feel like they are missing out too. I work full time so when we pick them up it’s 5:30, home for dinner , catching up on their day etc before bed. Some weekends we try and get a family over but it’s usually the whole family for a lunch etc which is lovely but not easy so means we do it less. I think the children who can be picked up at 3;15 do it more

Stompythedinosaur · 24/10/2021 18:45

My kids play out most days with neighbours who they are also at school with.

alphabetspagetti · 24/10/2021 18:54

We live miles from family and moved to a new area when DC1 was born so most people we met were through baby groups/toddler groups/school gate (as she grew up) so our friends tend to have DC the same age as DC1 and then younger siblings so when we see friends at the weekend, the DC see friends too.
The DC are now Yr7 & Yr5 and weeknights tend to be too busy with clubs and homework. I actively encourage weekend play dates as it means I get a few hours of peace! Now that DC1 doesn't go to bed until 9/9.30pm I get hardly any peace of an evening so a few hours at the weekend is very valuable!

BangingOn · 24/10/2021 19:01

Never after school as we work full time, but DS sees someone socially almost every weekend. Sometimes school friends, sometimes old friends from nursery or family friends with children. He’s an only child and very sociable so I try to make sure he always has plenty of company.

unknownstory · 24/10/2021 19:05

Most weekends

IglesiasPiggl · 24/10/2021 19:10

Most days. Our schools have quite small catchments so most of my DC's friends live within walking distance. They are always at each other's houses and we do lots of trips out together in the holidays. I often take other people's children out on day trips, so consequently my children are often invited back. Not everyone's cup of tea but we like it this way.

didireallysaythat · 24/10/2021 19:13

Never. Rugby on a Sunday but no-one from his school goes to that.

PivotPivotPivottt · 24/10/2021 19:21

9 year old playing every day. Dances 3 nights a week and has friends there but they don't go to the same school so she only sees them at dance classes. She plays out in the street with other kids who go the same school but aren't in the same class and her best friend who lives nearby sometimes comes down for her. She also has an older friend a few streets away who's house I take her round to some nights. She gets bored if she's not out playing which I try to be glad about but it does get really frustrating at times.

JaninaDuszejko · 24/10/2021 19:28

My DDs are at secondary but when they were at primary they had just a handful of playdates. Between after school club, activities, and birthday parties they saw their friends plenty out of school and now at secondary they organise their own social life. DS is still at primary but now we WFH he doesn't do after school club and as a poor neglected third child he does less activities. He does get more playdates, DH loves doing them (weirdo).

I grew up in the country and we never did playdates as children, whereas DH grew up in a very middle class suburb of a big city and he had playdates every day. It does not appear to have made his friendships any more secure than mine Hmm.

DeepaBeesKit · 24/10/2021 19:34

Well DS (reception) goes to a childminder with one classmate. I try and fit in a playdate or at least a meet up in the park by the school with a friend or two, every couple of weeks.

I have made more effort on this lately as I realised DS struggles more to "click" with kids in a big group setting. He forges better friendships in one on one playdates.

DeepaBeesKit · 24/10/2021 19:36

Also we live in a village where it's common for the kids to see a lot of each other. School friends live in many of the neighbouring houses and if we play in the local park we often bump into his classmates ad hoc.

ScamTheSchool · 24/10/2021 19:36

9 year old goes out to play during the week with our neighbours (one in her class, one 2 years below) if she's done her homework and it's not bad weather/dark. She does a school club once a week, local club twice (3 kids from school) and swimming where we turn up early so the kids can play on the playground together (non school friends).
Else at weekends whoever is playing out. Specific invited play dates 1-2 a term dependant on when DH is working from home /weather.

unknownstory · 24/10/2021 19:39

Think it does depend on how close friends are etc. Mine are forever with mates or vice versa if we are around at home. They don't do as much afterschool but they do activities most nights. If they didn't, I'm sure friends would be about more midweek. Normal where we live

DeepaBeesKit · 24/10/2021 19:44

What happened to just going out to play?

My child is in reception. He isnt old enough to play out with an adult supervising yet.

Quornflakegirl · 24/10/2021 19:50

Very rarely, perhaps 4 to 6 times a year. My dc are in year. Week days and Saturdays are busy with clubs and Sundays are a family day.

MyCatHatesWhiskas · 24/10/2021 19:59

Following because I’m interested in this! Mine occasionally asks for a play date but struggles socially and I’m not sure to what extent play dates happen in his class.

How do you arrange your play dates, especially if you work and aren’t at the school gates every day? Class WhatsApp group? (Picking people from there and messaging privately, I mean). Notes in book bags? Verbally arranged at school gates?

FinallySomeNormality · 24/10/2021 20:28

@MyCatHatesWhiskas

Following because I’m interested in this! Mine occasionally asks for a play date but struggles socially and I’m not sure to what extent play dates happen in his class.

How do you arrange your play dates, especially if you work and aren’t at the school gates every day? Class WhatsApp group? (Picking people from there and messaging privately, I mean). Notes in book bags? Verbally arranged at school gates?

This! I'm also interested to know how all these play dates are arranged!

I work FT and DS goes to after school club a few nights and then grandparents the other nights so I'm often not at school gates. I also don't know many of the other parents at all either so unsure how I'd set the play date up. There is a class Facebook group (not sure if there's a WhatsApp - I'm not on it if so) so I guess I would have to publicly reach out on there as I don't have the other parents numbers etc.

didireallysaythat · 24/10/2021 20:29

After school there's after school club. By the time I've finished work and picked up it's 6pm. I always assumed that's too late for play dates but it would appear that's not the case?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 24/10/2021 20:30

Happens by getting to know the parents - odd day you’re not working and do a pick up, another kid has a party and you mingle with the parents.

MyCatHatesWhiskas · 24/10/2021 20:34

Yes, the only play dates we’ve ever done have been with the one DC who was friendly with DS and where I got to know the mum a bit! Covid and school drop-off/pick-up procedures have made it much harder to mingle with parents until recently.

It’s one of those where I’m not sure whether play dates happen regularly or whether the families of my DC’s friends don’t really initiate them - or whether the answers to both of those is yes and it’s more reflective of DS (whose social struggles are partly why we’re considering getting him assessed for ASD - not the only reason but it is a factor).

BettyOBarley · 24/10/2021 20:38

It seems to have really picked up this year for DD who's in Yr3 (covid stopped it before that of course).
At the minute it's probably ever other week which suits me just fine. She does have one friend who's mum is asking 2-3 times a week and I find that a bit much at times.
There's Brownies, swimming and 1-2 parties most weekends so she sees other friends there.
DS in reception hasn't had any friends over yet and not planning to for a while.
6pm is definitely too late for me to start a play date, but then again my DD is in bed for 7.30ish, which seems to be early in her age group!