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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To judge my mum for this

4 replies

FirstTimeMummy1988 · 24/10/2021 13:13

My mother and myself have always had a up and down relationship due to my belief she's always put men before me. She married my step father when I was 11 and they went on to have two sons together now 16 and 18. They never had a conventional marriage, they were always more like friends, Stepfather moved out around 4 years ago but they co-parent well together. In those 4 years my DM asked for a divorce twice and stepfather refused, I think he always thought they would try again. 5 months ago stepfather asked DM for a divorce out of the blue, she was furious, said it was because he was dropped on her so suddenly and when younger DB was having some mental health issues, Although DB doesn't seem to care at all about the divorce, In fact said "they've been split up for years anyway"

Mum confided in me a few weeks ago she's been seeing someone, she was very cagey about details, when pressed she admitted he was married. This man cheated on his first wife with his now wife so my mother seems to think the wife is now getting her "karma" I asked my mum well about about the man, why are you judging him and not her, also your judging her for exactly what your doing. She refers to his wife as the "inconvenience"
The wife is known around the area to have a bit of a temper after a drink, once assaulted a woman in the local pub, for this reason I'm wary about my mum having my two DS's at her house as I worry they may be there when it "all come out" as if always does

My brother have also expressed they're anger at the situation to be told "it's my life if you don't like it you have a dad and sister you could live with"
So I suppose my AIBU is an i being unreasonable for firstly being angry with her and secondly for saying she can't have my children at her house while this affair is going on

OP posts:
Belle82 · 24/10/2021 23:14

YADNBU
I will never understand the mentality of anyone that cheats on either side of it, no one is innocent in that situation.

Definitely do not let your kids be at your mums while all this is going on, if she’s going to live her life that way it’s her choice but it is 100% yours to protect your children and keep them safe.

unknownstory · 24/10/2021 23:59

I d

unknownstory · 25/10/2021 00:02

I never judge people about adult choices.
But we choose what we share with our children and reality . Out of these things my kids come first. I make decisions that way

FirstTimeMummy1988 · 25/10/2021 09:22

From my point of view there can be no happy ending here, even if she "wins" and he leaves his wife for my mum then how is she ever going to trust him, he's cheated on two previous wives.

OP posts:
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