To hate being stared at

[Dragula333]

It’s an anxiety thing I suppose, but sometimes I feel like people stare at you and it makes me very irritated.

I find it whenever I get on the bus, people look at you as you go to your seat and sometimes give dirty looks.

The other day I was cycling through town and you’d think they had never seen a bike before.

I absolutely detest when men do it as you’re walking past and make it obvious, makes you feel very exposed and vulnerable.

I’ve resorted to asking them what they are looking at or if they want a photo.

Children do it a lot but I know it can’t be helped as much.

I have no distinguishing features that I am aware of, it just really gets on my nerves.

I have my carers’ uniform on which I usually try to cover up, but if it’s hot or something then people stare at that too.

Anyone else feel this way?

Remember that lots of people don't have fabulous sight and may not even see you that clearly when you think they're staring at you.

Also resting-bitch-face is a thing (unwittingly guilty) and not giving you a dirty look.

Also staring into space can give the misleading impression that someone's looking at you when they're thinking about something else.

I'm a very self conscious person and have had to work hard to realise that the vast majority of the world really are paying me no mind.

I feel for you. It must be very unpleasant to feel so vulnerable.

That said: Maybe some people do look a bit longer at you if you are scowling at them. I think that the majority of this is in your head and if you could be less apprehensive about other people it would help.

A lot of it probably is in my head. I have been previously told that I look sad or miserable etc when I’m not so maybe that has something to do with it

Whether people are staring at you or not I obviously cannot confirm as I would have to witness it.

However, based on:

1 the fact that quite frankly people are mostly just busy going about their day and have far more to think about than the presence of some random woman who has no consequence to their lives and, as you state, has no particularly distinguishing features

1. Your op shows quite a visceral response to a perceived "staring" which you acknowledge is possibly linked to anxiety.

I would wonder whether you are either perceiving something that isn't there, or due to the fact that you are going in to any situation already anxious about staring that perhaps you yourself are scowling or staring yourself as you are looking for it, and in turn people scowl or stare in response?

How can you tell people are staring if you are not already looking yourself?

I think a lot of it is in your head. I'm constantly looking around to see if I know anyone, what people are up to, don't want to bump into anyone, looking for shops to to and often that involves catching someone's eye. All very normal. And I always say hi to people out on walks. I could easily be accused of staring at people for all that but to me it's just being polite and friendly

Ps you can't change what other people do, you can change your response to it.

I would either try and work on yourself or seek some self help guidance, and doing so would be so freeing imo removing what is genuinely an unnecessary stress from your life (this is not to invalidate your experience, it is genuinely how you feel and is causing you to feel terrible and to even engage in combatative communication which is even more stressful, but it really doesn't need to be like that with a bit of work you could improve your experience)

Try having an autistic child, we get stared at where ever we go and comments!

Unless you're wrong, and mind - bogglingly beautiful or hideously ugly, probably people aren't staring at you. I often find my eyes "land" on something or someone moving whilst I'm thinking. Then I realise and look away, but it could be perceived as staring, even if I couldn't say afterwards what colour hair they had!

@nicecheesegromit

I think a lot of it is in your head. I'm constantly looking around to see if I know anyone, what people are up to, don't want to bump into anyone, looking for shops to to and often that involves catching someone's eye. All very normal. And I always say hi to people out on walks. I could easily be accused of staring at people for all that but to me it's just being polite and friendly

This.

@Dragula333 I can guarantee that people aren't looking at you. They're just walking past, going about their general business, and possibly making eye contact with you for a second. It's all in your head.