AIBU about driving?

[R3ALLY]

Just really p’d off and frustrated. My kids are going to miss out on their hobby twice next week because my H can’t drive. I bring them to everything, or set up lifts with other parents etc but for a number of reasons next week is just unavoidable for me , I can’t take them. I don’t even need my car so in both cases the kids will miss their hobbies even though there is a car sat in the driveway unused. AIBU to be raging or do I need to just accept this? I married a non driver although I hoped he’d learn, he never did and won’t. AIBU to be angry ?

Taxi?

Does he expect you to drive him around, or do you mainly use the car for your own purposes ? What are his reasons for not wanting to drive ? Given that you have a family it seems to place an unfair burden onto you, so unless he has a valid reason for not wanting to drive, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect him to learn and share the chores.

Public transport? Taxi ? Lift with other parents

You knew he couldn't drive when you married him. Just arrange an uber or point them to public transport where possible. Or accept that your children can't always do everything they want.

Are they his kids too?

I can't drive because I'm the only child of 3 who wasn't bought driving lessons or a car for their 17th birthday, and I've never been able to afford lessons myself.

It’s frustrating. But it will also have been abundantly clear that he hasn’t learned to drive before you had more than one child with him.

Why hasn’t he learned?
Why doesn’t he take them on foot / public transport?

If my husband simply had no aptitude for driving but was prepared to jump on a bus with them is still be privately frustrated - but not angry. If he was just an arsehole, well - I’d feel differently.

Yes they are his kids. He takes them on bikes or public transport when he can but this particular hobby is a longer distance and would cost a fortune in a taxi. A lift isn’t an option this week with my usual network on holidays.

Well the kids can't go this week then. The sky won't fall in.

He uses public transport where possible but obviously I have to do all the driving for the family including holidays, days out etc. So I can never have a glass of wine with lunch or say I’m feeling tired .

I’m not really seeing how you signing your kids up for something only you can get them to and then you not being available is your DH’s fault tbh...

It’s not like he’s suddenly surprised you with the fact he can’t drive.

If it’s a big deal to you that he can’t drive then you need to prioritise family time and money towards him getting lessons. If he doesn’t drive because it’s a case that it’s just never been necessary for him to know how to, that’s beginning to change.

It is frustrating. My DB doesn't drive and his poor wife is always stuck driving. While she knew this getting into the relationship, I don't think you fully appreciate how much it's a pain until you're in a situation where you just can't manage. She just had an emergency section so theyve been pretty much housebound as they won't use public transport (Covid fears).

It’s not a money issue, he’s too nervous to drive and that won’t change. Yes I knew it all along so I guess IABU!

I'm the only driver in our house and it does my head in too! But even if they magically did drive, would they be confident enough to the point where they'd take the children out (and you'd feel comfortable with them doing) solo?

Assuming not, it looks like we're both stuck with being a lone taxi for a while yet!

It always seems ironic to me that someone will go on the road on a bicycle as they are too scared to drive. However the chance of being killed on a bike is higher than that in a car. You have no metal box round you for protection on a bike.

If you knew he had no intention of learning then you’re being unreasonable to expect him to do so.

If he said he would and then baled I’d be a bit annoyed.

When you’re the only driver you really feel it but if you don’t drive you don’t see it. I used to not know how to drive and my then bf drove me around. I’d no idea how exhausting or inconvenient it was for him until I learned to drive,passed, was the one driving and had a bf that didn’t.

They just don’t get it as they’ve never been in that boat.

@Elieza my mother’s fear of learning to drive was entirely because she was anxious about causing a death, not being killed.

If he’s too nervous to drive, then good on him for knowing that and not putting himself, his family and others at risk.

YABU, sorry. DH doesn't drive and never will, it's frustrating but I knew it when I married him and I didn't have any expectations that he would wake up a different person the day after the wedding.

@TheUndeadLovelinessOfDemons

I can't drive because I'm the only child of 3 who wasn't bought driving lessons or a car for their 17th birthday, and I've never been able to afford lessons myself.

Yes but that's clearly not the issue for the OP's DH! She says he won't learn, not that he can't afford it.

I’ll accept IABU but for those who say I could have predicted it, we’ll probably I should have. But in the first flush of dating you don’t necessarily think about an under 14 football match in October on the far side of the motorway in 20 years time!

If he could drive when you married him, and he was now refusing, NBU. As it is, you married a non driver, so BU.

It's frustrating but better than him pushing himself to do it but not feeling confident and putting not only himself and the kids but other road users at risk.

I drive but am not confident on motorways. If I was asked to drop DD somewhere that them I wouldn't do it as I know my limits and what is safe for me to to/not do right now.