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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband with Aspergers

5 replies

amsadandconfused · 23/10/2021 22:25

I have name changed . Please do not judge me but I really need help !
So have been married for 28 years and DH is a gentle,kind soul . He is kind and would do anything for me and our children who are all adults .
As the years have gone by ,we as a couple have led different lives . Sam is a very successful climber and sailor…he has never introduced me to his friends. I am very sociable and all my friends have met Sam but there has never been any time when I have met DH friends ! All a bit odd .
Husband is very unemotional and has awful communication skills! He has really strict routines and rituals and cannot read the room ie he interrupts a conversation,places himself in an awkward situation and says absolutely nothing!Sam eats only food that he has prepared and eats late in the evening. If we do have a family meal he sits in silence and will comment on the carrot..is bloody awful from a family point of view and I actually feel sick ! He cannot judge danger where our grandchild is concerned..I say Sam watch Flo and he is busy making his toast because that is what he is doing,Flo is hurting the dog and is a quivering wreck! These are a few of a million examples I could give….husband is a lovely person,but I cannot imagine how I will survive into old age with him ! Am I being unreasonable? He is a kind guy but am scared about our future together! Can anyone in a similar situation help me.

OP posts:
PatriciaBateman · 23/10/2021 22:58

You need to see whether you can piece together or acquire various resources of your life (friends, outings, etc) in a way that get all of your needs met, without making him 'changing' part of that plan.

Can it be done? Can it not? Are the pluses worth the negatives? Do you love and feel loved?

Basically (in a rather robotic calculation) - can you build a life you will be happy with, with the ingredients you have? Or get extra ingredients to do so?

If you know the answer to that, you can make a weighed choice.

DuckDuckNo · 23/10/2021 23:03

There's a support thread you might like to read through or join here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4112286-Married-to-someone-with-Aspergers-support-thread-5

clockover · 23/10/2021 23:05

Is he autistic?

clockover · 23/10/2021 23:05

Posted too soon!

Is he autistic or are you asking if he might be?

BlankTimes · 23/10/2021 23:48

clockover

The thread title is Husband with Aspergers

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