To ask about retirement with your loved one 🥰

[Speckledhem]

I’ve just had a conversation with DH and now am a bit worried. I asked what he thought retirement would be like and he said he wants to ‘play with his wife’ he meant lots of jovial banter and tickling , games of scrabble, lunches out, mini breaks, walks in the countryside etc

Then he asked me what I thought and just mustered yeah sounds great. I was actually thinking he would get some hobbies and we’d have the odd outing together. I don’t think I can cope with him ‘in my pocket’ 😳

Run for the hills

Carry on working.

jovial banter and tickling?

LTB

I think I'd go insane if we were in each others pockets. Lockdown was OK, we enjoyed each others' company but now I can go out, see friends, do hobbies etc I'm much happier. DH's hobbies are very home based and he'd happily never leave the house shudder

Aw poor guy! My partner and I do spend a lot of time together though, so his plans dur with our lifestyle. My OH has a lot of outdoor interests and I have a mix of both, so it's not every waking minute, but we do spend a lot of time together!

We've been retired 10 years (early retirement so not completely ancient yet. We do a couple of days each volunteering, not the same work and not always at the same time so we both get time home alone. Which is good. Then we have a day each with our own outdoor hobby. So we're usually both home at the weekend and probably one or two days during the week.

Is tickling a euphemism?

Tickling?! 😱

Time to get him into a Mumsnet outing hobby such as cycling OP.

A friend of mine who retired early said the best advice she was given was to never have lunch with your Dh in retirement. It meant you went off and did your own thing and came together in the evening. I’ve always kept that in mind for when we retire

I went back to work when dh retired!!!

He does a couple of days a week at his sports club, and a day volunteering. He spends time tinkering with his classic car. Having had a fairly high-powered career with stacks of travelling, he is happy not to be on and off planes and cramming lots of meetings into the working week.

jovial banter and tickling did he actually say this - what does it mean?

I have a friend who spends virtually every moment with her DH.

We spend as much time apart as possible.

Aw I'm looking forward to doing things together

Tickling?! Not top of most retirement to do lists, but I kind of love this

How old is DH and have you been married long? He might get less enthusiastic as he gets older.

Retirement? Twice the Husband and half the income . . .

While you don't want to squash his enthusiasm, you do need to manage his expectations a bit!

Mention how important it is that you each have outside interests. That you'll each want to maintain individual friendships as well as socialising as a couple. That it's better to pursue your own hobbies than join in with each other's for the sake of it.

The thing is, at some point you will have to cope without each other. When you lose a partner, having relationships and interests that weren't tied up with them is crucial! As is knowing how to do the tasks the other generally took responsibility for.

DM has been left socially crippled and unable to use the coffee machine. I mean- I know there are worse things, but don't allow your life to rotate around one person.

8 years and counting (he'll be 61 and I'll be 49) I'll leave my job of 25 years and we'll emigrate but I'll still work.

My DH and I have recently retired and we’ve gone down the mini breaks, lunches out, joined a posh spa together route. So far it’s going well, we came up with a plan of having two days apart per week and also two evenings. There has been a bit more tickling too!

Are you Scrabble fiends now or is this just his vision of retirement? When you go to collect your first pension they hand you a starter kit with a board game, bag of Werthers Originals, and rambling stories for whatever stranger’s next to you in the bus queue.

@picklemewalnuts

While you don't want to squash his enthusiasm, you do need to manage his expectations a bit!

Mention how important it is that you each have outside interests. That you'll each want to maintain individual friendships as well as socialising as a couple. That it's better to pursue your own hobbies than join in with each other's for the sake of it.

The thing is, at some point you will have to cope without each other. When you lose a partner, having relationships and interests that weren't tied up with them is crucial! As is knowing how to do the tasks the other generally took responsibility for.

DM has been left socially crippled and unable to use the coffee machine. I mean- I know there are worse things, but don't allow your life to rotate around one person.

Excellent advice. The “devoted couple” attracts much admiration but once one partner goes, life comes to a complete halt for the other because neither did anything apart nor knew how to.

The tickling sounds awful to me, but the rest seems reasonable.

I wouldn't worry too much. I'd expect some of that, but you'll have all day, every day to fill with activities. Even lovebirds need a break.

If the time comes and you feel smothered, I'd tell him that absence makes the heart grow fonder and you want to have a little time apart so you can enjoy coming back together again. Or be more subtle and just tell him how excited you are to begin your hobby and ask what interests he might like to develop.

@Teenagetrouble

A friend of mine who retired early said the best advice she was given was to never have lunch with your Dh in retirement. It meant you went off and did your own thing and came together in the evening. I’ve always kept that in mind for when we retire

That sounds like excellent advice! I’m going to remember that.

tickling?

I wouldn't mind the mini breaks but tickling??? FFS.