Starting this thread because I genuinely feel I’ve nowhere to turn at this point.
My husband and I have been together a number of years. To provide background we have no children (although we had a conversation where we agreed to start trying for a baby next year, bizzare given what’s happened today) we both worked demanding jobs however he’s taken on a less demanding role recently. My job is extremely demanding and requires me to do shift work (earlies, lates and nights). There was a period were we were ships in the night but he’s now 9-5 which makes things easier.
I’ve always been really happy in our marriage. We rarely if ever argue however since last year he’s been complaining that we don’t do anything together, that there is a lack of physical intimacy and that I’m always tired.
During the pandemic I was working all kinds of crazy hours so yes, I was more than tired. I was exhausted to the point of burnout. Last year he brought up he was unhappy with our lack of physical intimacy. I had no sex drive whatsoever and deeming this to be my problem I started to pay a therapist for weekly sessions. I read books, I worked on myself and things in that respect improved and have been continuing to improve.
Every few months he will have a wobble still about the lack of intimacy and brings up that we aren’t like we used to be back when we starting seeing eachother. You know those early days when you just rip eachothers clothes off and never leave the bedroom? Our sex life I believe has genuinely been on the up since last year.
He will bring up that we don’t do things together or spend time together. This month I signed us both up to the gym and we’ve been attending the gym and spa together regularly. I’ve been trying to walk more and I’ve been inviting him to come with me. We do regular date nights etc.
Today he’s brought up again lack of physical intimacy, that we don’t do things together and he isn’t happy. I’m shocked because I feel I’ve genuinely since last year made so many changes to make things better, to make me better and improve our relationship.
It’s became clear to me that no matter what I do, I will never make him happy. My husband is a great guy, I love him dearly and he makes me so happy. It guts me that I don’t make him happy but it’s not through my lack of trying. There is absolutely no third party involvement on either side.
I’m at the point where I feel like I genuinely cannot do anymore. I’ve spend hundreds (possibly over a thousand) of pounds on therapy and books and really worked on myself and us. I feel like the only thing he does to try and improve the relationship is throw a wobble every few months.
AIBU to just stop trying and just come to terms with the fact I’ll never make him happy no matter what I do? I love him, I want him to be happy.
Or do I keep trying because I owe it to us and our marriage. Spending more money and more time trying to fix this.
If you’ve read this far well done and thank you!