Is this gaslighting?

[Isthisgaslighting]

If you have a long term illness which you're getting the appropriate support for, and you have good days as well as bad days... if your partner says on your bad days: "you're always like this" (meaning you have bad days every day when this isn't true at all )... Is this gaslighting? It makes me second guess myself but I know for a fact I am not poorly and struggling every single day! It's simply not true. He sees my good days too!

Anyone???

It is gaslighting, he is manipulating you into second guessing what you are feeling. He is also unsupportive and lacking empathy

I don’t think we can possibly know if this is deliberate gaslighting or not OP. It very much depends on what else is going on.

What we notice and pay attention to is very biased and effected by all sorts of things. You might notice your good days more because it’s a relief and gives you a good feeling. He might notice the bad days more because it worries him, means he has to do more or irritated him etc.

The only way to find out is to ask him. When he says ‘you are always like this’ ask him for more clarification about what he means and what he notices. If you are worried about feeling gaslighted or if you think he is doing it deliberately then keep a diary so you know for sure and can challenge him.

Good luck.

I wouldn’t say so, but It sounds like he resents your illness.
Does he have to do more when you’re having a bad day ? Did you have this illness before you got together ?

How can anyone possibly say without more context. One statement doesn’t give us an insight into your relationship for us to confirm this complex theory. Especially, as gaslighting as a word is starting to be used for every situation where someone doesn’t like what the other person said. That and narcissist.

@addictedtotheflats

It is gaslighting, he is manipulating you into second guessing what you are feeling. He is also unsupportive and lacking empathy

Wow you deduced all that from a post containing all of 40 words. Amazing.

@GoodnightGrandma

I wouldn’t say so, but It sounds like he resents your illness. Does he have to do more when you’re having a bad day ? Did you have this illness before you got together ?

No I didn't have it before I met him. And yes I think he does resent it. He doesn't have to do more in a practical sense... but I do lean on him more emotionally when I'm having bad days

He also pushes me to take medication that I don't want to take for the condition and that not even my medical professionals think I need to take..

@GoodnightGrandma

I wouldn’t say so, but It sounds like he resents your illness. Does he have to do more when you’re having a bad day ? Did you have this illness before you got together ?

I think he resents the illness. It doesn’t have to have the label ‘gaslighting’ it’s just an awful thing to say to someone who is struggling and not very supportive at all.

Sounds like you need to talk to him about this. It might be a painful conversation though. Good luck OP.

Do you have more bad days than good days?
Tbh even if you don't, some people only focus on the negatives and bad days (not necessarily health related) and everything good blends into the background as normal and expected. If your partner is one of those, even a once a month episode will count as "always like this".

You can exaggerate through frustration without actively gaslighting. Why do you think he’s trying to make you second guess yourself?

It's sounds like he's seen your bad days too much and he's at the end of his tether with it. Which he shouldn't be, he should be a supportive partner but he shouldn't be denied his true feelings. I think you need to aim to get your emotional support elsewhere, his bucket is empty.

@Isthisgaslighting

He also pushes me to take medication that I don't want to take for the condition and that not even my medical professionals think I need to take..

That is a worrying statement

@Lostmarbles2021

Sounds like you need to talk to him about this. It might be a painful conversation though. Good luck OP.

This is good advice. Is their any information you can give him, like a leaflet or website page, for carers or family of sufferers? I have a chronic condition and when I first became ill one of the most difficult things about following Dr's and physio's advice was other people pushing back against it. I found some 'info for friends and family' literature that explains why I sometimes seem unreasonable to them and they all understand now.

*there