I have a DD age 12. Her dad and I divorced when she was young. 60% time with me, 40% with dad. He's a good dad. I met someone new 4 years ago. He had a DD age 3 at that time. Her mum had left and moved several hundred miles away when they split when the DD was 1. The mum saw the DD rarely, the dad became sole carer for their DD.
My partner and I spent all our time together straight away...very quickly realised we were very good together. Moved in together a year after meeting - so three years ago. All that time - no mother around for DSD (step daughter). Fell in love with her, as you do with little ones! My DD adored her, took to her as a sister. Also adores my partner. 18 months ago, DSD's blood mother returns to the area - moves in about an hour away. Hates that myself, DD, DSD and OH are happy. Begins hate campaign. We agree she can have DSD every other weekend and half of school holidays (it's been a few years, DSD is now 8 and in year 3).
Since leaving, the mother has had several more children , all different dads, some around, some not. DSD loves getting to visit her mum and doesn't understand why she can't live there when some siblings do. All her "separated" friends live with mum - not dad. She doesn't remember the early years. Mum notices DSD likes dogs. Mum then adopts EIGHT dogs to live in their (council) house. NB : no issue with council housing, but clearly not set up for 4 kids, 8 dogs, etc.
DSD has decided she wants to live with mum. Says mum continually says how awful I am, how I'm evil and stole her etc. (Definitely not the case - never thought she'd come back and have never said anything negative about her). Had gotten to a very bad place where mum was calling DSD school and saying I'm abusive etc. Luckily school know me very well - I volunteer there, read with the kids, DBS checked, am only one who goes to parents eve, etc. But... because DSD has never lived with her mum, my OH (her dad), has decided she should maybe be there after Xmas as this is what DSD wants. I somewhat agree...she's never lived with her mum and it could be good for her, he's so sad and feels like giving up but....it's like I adopted a child 4 years ago and now have to give her up, I'm struggling so much. OH and I can't stop crying. My DD is devasted that DSD won't be here all the time. I'm scared she'll be neglected, etc... her mum has agreed to have her but I don't see enthusiasm?
I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry this is so long. I'm not even sure what I'm asking. If you made it this far... well done, and what would you do?!,