Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her to please just stop bloody moaning?!

16 replies

Moaning0000 · 23/10/2021 00:09

I'm 39 weeks and scheduled to have a elcs this Tuesday if baby stays put until then. I'm not convinced he will tbh. It hasn't been a great pregnancy as there's been complications and I'm not well so it's quite a stressful time for me and DH.

I have to be at the hospital three mornings in a row from Sunday for tests and then my pre op before surgery.

My DM offered to stay here with me from tonight through until Tuesday so I'm not on my own if anything starts as DH works nights quite a distance away and his paternity doesn't start until Tuesday.

She also offered to mind the kids whilst here so I can go to my appointments.

The problem is she's done nothing but moan and be irritable today. She's not expected to do anything other than be present (which she initiated btw, all offered off her own back) but the kids are obviously annoying her despite not doing anything wrong.

She doesn't have any patience for them and would clearly rather be elsewhere but won't say as much as she's commited herself now.

The moodiness isn't unusual of her. She can be quite a moany person but I just don't have the tolerance for it at the minute.

WIBU to ask her to please stop bloody moaning and get a grip as her negativity stressing me out at a time I really need some relative calm?

Or would you think sod this and tell her to just do herself a favour and go home even though you really could do with her here?

To add, she is virtually never put upon and I do plenty for her - happily.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 23/10/2021 00:16

I wouldn't put up with her. She can fuck off home and moan there.

NorthSouthcatlady · 23/10/2021 00:22

@Aquamarine1029 my thoughts exactly! Her moaning and negativity would majorly get on my nerves

Original poster
Moaning0000 · 23/10/2021 00:26

It really is getting on my nerves, I don't think I can listen to another 3 days of it without snapping back.

It's shit because if I've ever needed a bit of practical support it's now.

Do you think it's worth being completely direct and saying "look you're doing my head in with this now, can you please quit it. I have alot on my plate as it is"

Or would you just cut your losses and say go home, even if that means you're massively left in the lurch for the appointments and childcare?

OP posts:
fourandnomore · 23/10/2021 00:27

I’d have to send her home, say you feel you want some time alone with the kids before the baby comes as well as she is obviously not enjoying the stay. Sounds like a nightmare.

Frederica852 · 23/10/2021 00:28

Goodness, are you me?! My mum did basically the exact same thing when I was pregnant, drove me mad. We had a massive row in the end and she cleared off home!

fourandnomore · 23/10/2021 00:29

You can take the kids to your appointments, I had to loads and no one minds. If you think you can be direct without it causing a massive bust up just before you have a baby then great though, only you know how that will go down.

Original poster
Moaning0000 · 23/10/2021 00:34

DS would be a nightmare at the hospital, he's autistic and can't handle busy unfamiliar places unfortunately. DH also wouldn't be home in time to take over. It's absolute bollocks as I finally felt able to relax a little knowing everything was in hand and sorted.

I'm sorry your mum did the same Frederica, so inconsiderate isn't it?

On one hand I feel I should be thankful she's here but then what good is that if she's spending the duration moaning, being negative and impatient with the kids?!

OP posts:
TheOriginalEmu · 23/10/2021 00:40

There is a third option between put up with it and sending her home..that’s talk to her. Maybe she is worried about you or has some problem of her own that’s making her snappy. Try and talk calmly.

me4real · 23/10/2021 01:25

@Moaning0000 Could you just take to your room? Leave her to do the stuff and chill out by yourself? I think if there was ever a time when you're allowed, then this is it.

Callixte · 23/10/2021 01:36

I'd talk to her but be polite; it would be nice to have her there if she can cut back on the negativity. If she's not normally like this maybe she's not aware how much she's doing it or how badly it impacts you? I'd just ask her to stop, don't necessarily say she's being awful or driving you mad. And if she can't/doesn't stop, there's still the option to ask her to leave.

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 23/10/2021 01:40

I agree with those saying just talk to her first.
And on a side note, I hope you hold out until Tuesday, that is my birthday and it's an awesome day for a birthday :D

TasteTheMeatNotTheHeat · 23/10/2021 02:07

I'd send her home and get a list of mates/other family that you can call on if something happens. If there really is no one else then find the number for a professional emergency baby sitting service. They are expensive but at least you know you have it to fall back on if there really is no other option.

My mum is like this and it pisses me off no end. It's extremely rare that I ever take her up on her offers of help because she always seems to end up regretting her offer and behaving like a dickhead. She actually makes things harder because it causes so much stress and she's unreliable. I don't have much to do with her these days.

Wingedharpy · 23/10/2021 02:14

Is she moaning or is this just her default conversational style?

Elbie79 · 23/10/2021 02:16

If you're going in for checks on Sunday can you fib a bit when you get home and say the hospital have told you it's crucial for the baby you have no stress and need to rest - emphasise how positivity has been proven to be very important in situations like these. She sounds like she might be a bit too self-absorbed to get the hint just from that in which case you could say you've told DH you don't want any negativity at all from him before Tuesday "and the same goes for you please". Then every time she starts, cut her off "I must follow dr's orders" etc.

Worth a go if the alternative is managing on your own and the stress of her going home in a strop.

pelosi · 23/10/2021 04:52

Definitely tell her.

Lightswitch123 · 23/10/2021 04:57

@TheOriginalEmu

There is a third option between put up with it and sending her home..that’s talk to her. Maybe she is worried about you or has some problem of her own that’s making her snappy. Try and talk calmly.
This
New posts on this thread. Refresh page