I’m not more grumpy when I’ve got my period actually

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AIBU to tell DH and kids that I’m not ‘more grumpy’ when I have my period.

I’m actually my usual/average level of grumpy, but when I have my period I literally can’t be fucking arsed to tolerate the little everyday irritations, and instead of being super-tolerant-Mum I say something. I point it out. I call it.

This is apparently evidence of my Period Induced Grumpiness. It’s not, I’m always grumpy about stuff but I pick my battles. I smooth things over and aim for calm. Unless I’m in pain from my uterus contracting.

AIBU to point this out to DH? Or will I just be accused of being grumpy?!

Well if you're more likely to point out their BS when on your period I can see their point. Only solution is to call them out more often.

Of course you are being reasonable. Have a bar of chocolate and tell them to all leave you alone to enjoy being reasonable without them bugging you every 3 minutes.

I am always completely reasonable whether or not I have my period but boy do DH & DC have a knack of choosing to be extra specially annoying for the 24 hours before and after I start bleeding. They must have a secret calendar.

Oh I get this.

There is definitely a week every month where I realise how utterly shit my life can be at times and get the rage about it.

The rest of the time I keep on carrying on. Sometimes momentarily fuming below the surface at the injustice of being born a woman but mostly carrying on being all and doing all for one and all. Doing the dishwasher, sorting the book bags, picking up the crap everyone else has left, monitoring the ketchup levels and washing the towels so we don't all smell like beef.

DH would tell you I get 'hormonal' if he felt he could stay alive after saying it. I would say that for one week a month the fog lifts and I get absolute clarity about what an absolute mug I am.

Glad it’s not just me. My tolerance just goes through the floor and I just have to point out all the little things! I’m not more pissed off than usual tho. I’m just less able to hide it

Doing the dishwasher, sorting the book bags, picking up the crap everyone else has left, monitoring the ketchup levels and washing the towels so we don't all smell like beef.

You need to get the rage more often, I'd say. You should be this grumpy all of the time.
Better yet, sit down and discuss chores and fair division of labour (including mental load). Ownership of a vagina does not come with responsibilities for domestic chores built in and assuming someone else will do more than they should is deeply disrespectful once ignorance is no longer an excuse. It also (scientifically proven) leads to less sex...

I quite honestly am worse a few days leading up to the big event. I’m more snappy and can definitely become irrational. Very unfortunate.

But yes on reflection it’s probably less tolerance for crap

In grumpy before my period.
When I've got my period I'm just in pain!

Yep, same here. I’m quietly pissy most of the time and more vocally pissy once a month. Things don’t annoy me more I just don’t give a shot about hiding it!

@Peace43 That’s exactly it, you have put in much more succinctly than me!

when I have my period I literally can’t be fucking arsed to tolerate the little everyday irritations, and instead of being super-tolerant-Mum I say something. I point it out. I call it

You're undermining your own argument here because from their point of view, this is the dictionary definition of "more grumpy". So YABU, hung drawn and quartered.

not tolerating their bullshit should be the norm - sorry, but it's your fault for letting them get away with it when you are not on your period.

You need to get MORE grumpy MORE often. Then it'll level out. I find I need to be more honest with my DH on a regular basis and when I actually manage that, things go a lot better (FOR ME).

My DP used to say "time of the month is it?" or "oh dear, is it rag week?" whenever I was pissed off or upset about anything. It made me feel so angry and disrespected that I would get even more upset or angry, thus undermining my own insistence that I was NOT more sensitive before and/or during my period. It's a vicious circle.

I may well have been slightly more annoyed by things at that point, but I can tell you that it was multiplied tenfold by having some twat dismiss my perfectly valid reasons with an insult about my female biology which apparently affected me for a week before AND a week during ie it was 50% of my life in which my feelings didn't really count because I was being unreasonable.

The final straw was when (perimenopausal here) I'd been waiting 75 days for my period to arrive and he started with the whole "oh time of the month is it?" crap. I snapped, screamed at him that I'd waited 75 fucking days for this thing to arrive and if he thought he could attribute my very real annoyance at his behaviour to it, he could fuck right off. I packed my case (we were on holiday at the time) and told him I was leaving and going to get myself a separate hotel room. He apologised in the end and hasn't done it again since.

It's the utmost in disrespect to me, for anyone to point it out, even if you ARE slightly more sensitive to people's annoying as shit behaviour at some points. He's a twat when he's hungry or tired or has had a stressful day at work. If I countered his grumpiness with "oh dear, that time of the day is it?" "baby need a nap?" or "have a Snickers and stop being hangry" he'd be rightly annoyed with me. So I did start doing that :D

This sounds like semantics to me. Being quicker to react and speak out about the annoyance you always feel is being "more grumpy", imo. The lower level of self-control or tolerance is grumpiness.

But really, what does it matter? We all, men and women, have days when we have shorter fuses. I'd tell them that referring to your menstrual cycle is probably not the best tactic to calm and improve your mood!

@ASeriesOfTubes

when I have my period I literally can’t be fucking arsed to tolerate the little everyday irritations, and instead of being super-tolerant-Mum I say something. I point it out. I call it

You're undermining your own argument here because from their point of view, this is the dictionary definition of "more grumpy". So YABU, hung drawn and quartered.

This is very true. On the surface of it, OP, you do appear to be more grumpy!

The problem is that you don't express the suppressed grumpiness the rest of the time... I echo the others, it's time to let it out (and ideally to resolve the irritations)!

...for what it's worth, I feel similar, I think my period just enhances and highlights my true grumpy feelings, rather than causing them!

It's the utmost in disrespect to me, for anyone to point it out, even if you ARE slightly more sensitive to people's annoying as shit behaviour at some points. He's a twat when he's hungry or tired or has had a stressful day at work. If I countered his grumpiness with "oh dear, that time of the day is it?" "baby need a nap?" or "have a Snickers and stop being hangry" he'd be rightly annoyed with me. So I did start doing that :D

That is an excellent comparison (and strategy 😁)!

When I hit 40 it wasn’t “peri menopause” or hormones or whatever. It was me waking up to shit attitude by others and being tired of being ordered about and a slave to everyone else.
It’s like a light switch went on and I could clearly see misogyny.