To have said I'm not happy with the ex

[Peppperpiggg]

My boyfriend has remained friendly with an ex because she helped him through an incredibly difficult time after they split. They were not very compatible as a couple and he's said that. They eventually split up and it was clearly unhappy in the end. Arguments over money. Phones and insecurities. One was outgoing. One was more quiet and wanted to be less around friends all the time.

They text. He is forever on about her or the past and he goes up and down. Sometimes he is very much she's history I'm done. Then the next week he's explaining why she's a good friend as she was there when nobody else was.

I was respectful until recently she's been spying on his Facebook and questioning him on how he knows certain females. I was mentioned when we first started dating and she expressed that she didn't trust women.

I've spoken to him a few times to say it feels like they haven't quite got to where they need to be emotionally with eachother.

He told me 2 weeks he hadn't heard from her in ages and claimed she was the past. Buy suddenly last night he mentioned her as being a friend again for some random reason. Then he told me the last he heard from her she was asking him how he knew a woman called Anne on his Facebook and she knew of her too. He deleted this woman this week after his ex had asked him.

This morning I told him I was struggling to feel comfortable about his bond with her and I knew it was me who needed to walk away as he's made it clear she's his friend and always will be. He said she was just a friend and I was insecure. Now he's really grumpy and off with me.

I feel like I've had enough of it really. He even said this morning she was too worried what people people think of her if she ever got back with him. It's all abit ridiculous.

He has really bad depression and now its made him a wreck in his head and I'm in the dog house. I don't think I want this anymore. She's not going anywhere and he is choosing to have an ex asking him about his now relationships and claiming She's so important to him because she helped. Therefore isn't he saying to me that I will never come first? Or am I being unreasonable?

I had an ex just like that. Note the ex. She, too, had helped him through a very bad time in his life when they were a couple.

My "insecurities" got worse over time rather than better, because, even though he denied it, she was always there, via text, on hour-long calls, coming round for a private (i.e. without me) sleepover etc. and he also let slip that she still wanted to sleep with him and said talking about that was okay because they hadn't actually done it.

When we did eventually split, he made it very clear that she came first in his list of priorities because he had known her for longer and that even a friendship with him would never live up to his friendship with her.

That's when I chucked him out of my life completely and I am so much happier now.

It's him, not you. You deserve better.

But when he said she was worried what people thought and he thinks that why she didn't want to get back together

I think you're just keeping the bed warm while he waits for her to take him back.

Your boyfriend turned to drink because she was out with her friends?
Christ, who needs an alcoholic boyfriend? That’s on him.
Just get rid of him. He’s as much bad news as she is, but you’re too wrapped in focusing on her to see that he really is an equal part of it.

Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuun!

Honestly, this is the start of your relationship when you should be obsessed with each other, yet he's obsessed with his ex.

It won't get better, please move on for your own mental health and self-worth.

She's not the problem. He is.
She didn't turn him to drink. He turned to drink.
She doesn't need to answer to you or owe you anything.
He won't throw their pictures away. He won't sand down the table.

8 years is a long time for a couple to be together but they're apparently not together anymore so their obsession is creepy.

Walk away for your own sanity. You'll never be his priority simply because you're not her.

If you carry on with him, she will always be there.

Is that what you want?

So she can claim she feels uncomfortable about certain women and he will remove them from social media so she feels better. But you feel uncomfortable about his ex(rightfully so) and you're classed as insecure and he goes in a mood with you.

Sounds like if she decided tomorrow that she wanted him back he would jump at the chance, and she is enjoying the level of control she still has over him.

Why are you entertaining this and not walking? You deserve more than that.

Hellfire. You aren't even his rebound relationship. He's still mid bounce.

Gather up your dignity and just leave him to it.

Any MH issues aren't yours to mind, you've not been in his life or bed long enough for that? She had 8 years to invade his brain. Looks like she hasn't given up her occupancy.

Leave them to it.

Either there is more going on between them or he's enjoying dangling look what has gone on, I'm so special she can't walk away, and all sorts of other crap I can't be bothered to articulate.

I'd dump him for being a twat. You know that is true even if you're not certain he's a cheat. I think emotionally he is if not physically.