COVID and DH - AIBU?

[Justonemoreepisode]

Hi all, I am feeling really sorry for myself so happy for some perspective and to be told I’m being over sensitive.
Positive LFT Tuesday, No symptoms and no one else in the house testing positive. Phone 119, I have to go get a PCR but everyone else can carry on as normal. DH already gone to work and school insists kids have to attend or will be marked unauthorised absence. DH refuses to come home so spend the day desperately trying to manage kids, cook etc. whilst wearing a mask and sanitising everything in sight. DH due home about 7, get a call at 8 to say he’ll be another hr as charging his car, supermarket close by but does not do any shopping or ask if we need anything.
I’ve now had a positive PCR and developed symptoms, all others still negative so having to isolate away from them. I’ve ordered food shop on line to ensure they have easy meals and snuck down (with mask on) once they’ve gone bed to ensure they have what’s needed for next day activities/school and put washing on. I work FT so DH is not having to do anything more than I do daily normally, it’s just it normally just happens around him.
He’s not once knocked on the door or even phoned/text to ask how I am feeling or if I need anything, I’m having to sneak about and grab things quickly when I can hear no one is in the kitchen. He’s honestly not said one kind thing to me since I got my results.

Tonight I could hear him grumbling to himself about how hard it was for him to be doing it all so I phoned and asked if he was in a mood with me for isolating as he had been so unkind and he was genuinely surprised - he said he was just in task mode and didn’t think I needed to be one of his additional ‘tasks’. He did apologise if he had made me feel like he didn’t care but in some ways it’s made me feel worse - it’s not that he’s in a mood, he’s just not though about me at all.
I admit I’m feeling sorry for myself; I feel awful, really struggling not giving the kids a hug and a kiss and am a terrible patient (I’m rarely still normally) so already going stir crazy isolating in one room. Equally I feel like I’m doing this so they stay well.
If you’ve got this far thanks for reading my moan, AIBU to expect more from DH and should I be grateful for what he is doing?

Should you be 'grateful' for your husband being a grown up? No.

I agree with you, being forgotten about completely is worse than him being in a mood.

Id probably inwardly lose my shit and say you do need to be one of his 'additional tasks'- you're ill and need xyz. Be clear and factual as apparently he's in 'task mode'

Out of interest, what is he like when he's ill?

But are you wearing the dressing gown of doom?

Some people resent other people getting ill. When they are ill, they are the illest person in the world. It's really tough for you. I would be making that point. You normally do all this stuff. I would be making that point too. You need some tea and sympathy. You are human.

The isolation you are doing, I get it, but I wonder if it's right for your family. Have they all PCR tested? I think if they were going to get it, they would get it. We have three of four positive here and the forth is just sucking up the germs and hoping for the best. It must be horrendous to try and sneak about sanitising everything.

Ha ha no dressing gown of doom - maybe I should’ve making more of it so he knows I’m Ill.

@Sparklfairy he rarely gets ill so doesn’t generally have a lot of sympathy.

I know deep down I’m being a bit pathetic about it, just think it would be easier for me to be carrying on as usual (in the house not going out). He going on a lads night out the day after my isolation ends so if he catches from me now he’ll be having to isolate past that point.

Sorry to say this OP but it sounds like he doesn't give a shit about you

Sometimes when one parent manages so well for so long they get taken for granted.

He’s finding out how hard you work at keeping the family sorted with all they need. He’s only had to do some of what you do (no shopping and I bet no housework either) and he can’t handle it already. It probably never crossed his mind that you might need him as you’re so capable.

I hope you are better soon. This wake up call should hopefully make the lazy one realise that he should be doing more to help you. But if not perhaps it would be a good time to redistribute chores and prep. Why should you have to do it all.

@SummerHouse all have PCR tested since I got my result and negative. The advice is to isolate in room away from family members. The crazy thing is none of the others have to isolate so School are saying it’s an unauthorised absence if DCs are off. So trying really hard to do everything properly so not to risk it going into school with them.
Honestly the guidance is bonkers now - it’s no wonder numbers are so high!

My DH can be like this and his view is that if I needed something or I was feeling really crap I’d let him know. It makes me feel like he doesn’t care but he does show me he cares in other ways so part of me accepts what he says.
I also know that when he was a child his mum was a bit like that when he was ill so I think it comes from that for my DH

I totally agree it's nuts. Don't get me started on test and trace. I am actually seeing a slight blessing in three of us having it. The stress of infecting others is probably the worst thing. I have probably been on the phone to test and trace for two hours in total. At no point have they said to isolate from non positive family members but of course you need to if they are at school. What a farce it all is. I wish I could join you for some Netflix binging. Work are piling on stuff and I am managing the house with two children at home. I want to shout I HAVE CORONA FGS!!!! But no one would be listening. Oh well, could be worse.

@Fdksyihfd sounds like our husbands are very similar. I know if I asked he’d get me something but I’m sad that I have to.
DH’s parents were rarely there as kids, never helped with homework, never sat together for meals and left them at home alone when they went out. I know ‘family’ life doesn’t come naturally to him - I have to remind him to think of others sometimes.

I’m going to grab my dressing gown of doom, let myself have an evening feeling sorry for myself and then give my head a wobble in the morning.
Thanks all.

@SummerHouse just no rhyme or reason to it. I’ve had 2 calls from them today to check I’m isolating.
I’m still working too so no Netflix binges here unfortunately. Like you say, could be worse and will be a good reminder of how lucky I am to normally have a separate work/living/sleeping space - I know not everyone is as lucky and how hard lockdown has been for them. Sometimes you just need that little reminder to put it all into perspective.

That's awful I'm so sorry. Definitely bring out the dressing gown of doom. How would he feel if he was in your position? Does he normally struggle with empathy?