Would you be hurt by this job snub?

[Bringham]

I've been temporarily acting up at work for the last 10 months. Prior to me, it was done by a member of staff on a fixed term contract. The person before me was here for 3 months (over a year ago) before going on personal leave (agreed by management) for a year, he's contract is now up. All done officially, my pay was increased and I got a new title

The post has now come up as permanent and I was encouraged (along with person before me) to apply. We had our interview yesterday and they've decided to extend the interview process (2nd interview in a month withdifferent interviewers or complete another task!) as they couldn't decide between us.

We are an equal ops, highly regulated industry thus there's limited wiggle room for managers but I feel a bit of a fool. I've been in this role for 10 months with consistent good feedback, working crazy hours to try and get It to work. At times my hair has even fallen out due to the stress

I feel a bit embarrassed when people I line manage ask how it's gone, and that I'm clearly not doing as well as I think.

Am I over reacting or would you feel snubbed too?

Why does them being undecided between you two mean you're not doing as well as you think? He could have been good at the job as well? I don't think there's anything to be embarrassed about. It sounds like you are doing a good job. If you weren't good they wouldn't be extending the interview process to decide between you two.

But I'm intrigued why you want a permanent role that is making you so stressed your hair is falling out so badly?

You sound like a very capable person that is putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

Why do you even want a job which is affecting your mental health so badly your hair is falling out?

I commiserate. I was in your position except they gave the job to the other person straight after the interview. I actually knew I didn’t interview very well but I’d performed really well in the many months of acting up and had daily contact with the interviewers.

It sucks.

I’ll add that in time I was really glad later on. The job was a thankless task. It still really hurt.

I commiserate. I was in your position except they gave the job to the other person straight after the interview. I actually knew I didn’t interview very well but I’d performed really well in the many months of acting up and had daily contact with the interviewers

This happened to me as well, and it gave me such a dent to my confidence, particularly when the man they brought in then proceeded to be terrible in the role. The final straw was when I was asked if I could do overtime during a key point in the year because he needed the support.

I am now in a role in a completely different sector where not only do they let me have flexibility when needed I also feel really appreciated, I know it’s a cliche but this could give you the push you need to find something even better.

I'd take it as a snub, but then I'm easily offended like that. Some companies have a perverse way of never valuing the experience that they give you and favour an external candidate.

I've been in this role for 10 months with consistent good feedback, working crazy hours to try and get It to work. At times my hair has even fallen out due to the stress

This could be the reason. They may be after someone who doesn't need to work the same crazy hours/feel the same stress, in order to produce the same end result.

I get why it's hurtful but might be better for your health in the long run.

Also to add, but something similar happened to me twice at work. I was given projects, became our SME only for the company to give my projects away to people who knew nothing about them. I asked for feedback but it wasn't forthcoming. My boss apologised because he said I'd been his "stopgap" but now I don't trust him not to mess me around again.

I was working somewhere for 16months when a permanent position came up. I assumed I would get it as I got on with everyone, went above and beyond what was expected of me, put in loads of unpaid overtime, never had any complaints etc.
But I didn’t get it which absolutely destroyed me.

I actually found out that the decision was down to someone way higher up (who I’ve only met once) and I missed out as the other candidate went to a more elite university!

The best thing was that this person only lasted a few days as they couldn’t handle the stress, then the next person lasted a couple months and the third person has just handed their notice in after only a few weeks - I am extremely smug about it.

Me not getting that job actually led to something way better so now I can look back and be happy but I absolutely understand the situation you’re in and it hurts so much.
I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing you are upset.

Something really isn’t right if you’re working crazy hours and so stressed your hair is falling out. Either the company is toxic or you’re not really up to the job. If you take your pride out of the equation, are you sure this is really something you want?

I think YABU.

Just because the other person had to take time off, doesn’t mean they’re now not competent.

If it was a woman who went on maternity leave, would you feel the same way?

I also wonder if thr working crazy hours and being so stressed your hair falls out is a sign you work hard but not smart and that’s the issue, yoire not in control.

I think in the next stage that you need to demonstrate you’re in control and how you do the job and move it to the next level. Ideas you have to improve the role etc.

Your post reads like you think crazy hours and alopecia is something like some form of work achievement, it’s not, I’m sorry, it’s a sign you’re unable to cope.

No I wouldn’t take that they are undecided between you and your predecessor as a snub. I would take it at face value that, at the moment, they think you would be equally effective.

But if I were the decision maker and knew the person in the acting position was feeling so stressed their hair was falling out, I would not be looking to appoint them (out of concern for their well-being primarily).

Thanks all food for thought!
It's a stressful job by its nature, to be clear I'm not bald just my hair thinned until I took action.
But I see all your points

Some jobs are ridiculously stressful, I don’t think people can understand that until you’ve worked in one.

You gave it your all.
If they hire you, you will be happy because you know the job.
If they don’t hire you, be happy still and maybe look for something similar that’s a bit less stressful.

As a side note - did you manage to reverse your thinning hair and what did you do?

Hi op

This doesn’t sound pleasant, remain confident in yourself if that’s the one bit of advice I would give.

In my work management positions are few and far between. Been for it a few times, I actually think on one occasion I was the preferred candidate but I had just agreed to go to difficult department where they would struggle to replace me.
Then matters got worse, at other interviews afterward I’ve been given feedback by different people, all different opinions, my personality picked apart and my confidence chipped away. It was so bad at times I’ve questioned if counselling would help.
That said I’ll never give up or forget my experiences.
Good luck x

This sounds so tricky - as previous people have said the fact they’ve extended isn’t necessarily bad news

Really the 10 months you’ve been doing the role has been the interview - have you received good feedback in the last 10 months? If so, and they encouraged you to apply it would be incredibly cruel to them pick someone else and you’d be perfectly within your rights to start asking lots of questions of HR. (Unless they’ve been clear about ways you could improve).

I hope you get the job!!! Keep us updated!

Yanbu,but,I think with the stress this job is causing you,taking a step back and putting yourself first night not be a bad thing💐