Is this interfering?

[Passthebrownsauce]

Mil's..... they say they are not interfering, but they really are!!!
I have lots of examples, but AIBU about this particular event:
I had my second baby a month ago and stayed in hospital for the usual 3 days (am not in UK), so sil babysat my 2 year old whilst my husband came to visit me. My mil took it upon herself to buy a pot plant for us to give to sil to say thank you (and to not say that she bought it)!! I was angry with her as she hadn't discussed it with us first, and also because we are not 5 years old!! Am I horrible for getting angry as I do understand she was trying to help? 😬
AIBU or AINBU for getting angry with the mil?

Aren't!

In my family, no-one would expect a gift for babysitting for a sibling. Unless it was actually for the full 2 days?
So I’d find that a bit odd, and I’d find it infantilising rather than interfering,
Unless you’ve got a whole backstory here - and it sounds like not, as you say she was trying to help - then it’s a bit weird to her so het up about it!

I wouldn’t be angry, but I would think it was annoying for someone to buy a gift on my behalf.

Well we will all be MILS one day ourselves

Let's see how that all pans out

@SeasonalNamechange

Well we will all be MILS one day ourselves

Let's see how that all pans out

I can honestly say that, should my son marry and make me a MIL, I am really not going to infantilise his wife by treating her like a small child who needs to have a thank you note written for her.

It would annoy me for sure.
I dont care if she thinks it is" helpful" or "kind "or whatever really. It feels patronising.

Interfering and infantalising. It's the kind of thing you do for a five year old who doesn't have their own money, not for a fellow adult.

Not the worst example of either and it wouldn't make me angry as an isolated incident, but it would make me more alert to it in case she starts to over step more in future.

In the grand scheme of things, she could've done much worse.

@SeasonalNamechange

Well we will all be MILS one day ourselves

Let's see how that all pans out

I can guarantee I’ll never say “here you go, I’ve got you a present to give to her to say thank you” to any adult.

And actually, I have an amazing MIL, we get along great and she’s genuinely wonderful. So I don’t have any irrational bias against all MILs, I just think that in this case, this MIL has been patronising and annoying.

This incident in itself isn’t that big a deal but maybe it’s all these little things added together that fuels your resentment?

It would irritate me

This is the sort of thing my mum would do - and has done - in the past.

Let it go. In the grand scheme of things it might be a bit annoying but she meant well.

Christ Almighty, she did a GOOD thing with GOOD intentions. You had just had a baby and she was trying to save you the bother of getting anything. Maybe she knows her daughter is a pain in the ass and would expect a pressie so went ahead and got her something she liked. Maybe she is old school and thinks that giving a token of appreciation is the norm. There are MANY horrible MIL's on these pages but this lady doesn't seem like one of them. I can understand how it was irritating but it sounds like her heart was in the right place.

The MIL should have asked if there's anything she can do to help. If she had been told ' no thank you' , it meant her help was not required.

It's not appropriate to do this, end of. It would really piss me off. It's none of her business how the OP chooses do thank anyone. Who does she think she is.

Stay out of it. Help or no help.

I bet MIL would not appreciate it if DL bought a present for someone on her behalf either.