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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not request sleeping tablets for him?

49 replies

milksippingcat · 20/10/2021 20:08

My partner has trouble getting to sleep. His sleep pattern is all over the place, and he chooses to stay up late and sleep during the day when he doesn't actually need to.

When he does have to be up during the day, he takes prescribed sleeping tablets, maybe two or three times a month. On other days, he takes supermarket/ pharmacy sleep aids, but says they don't help very much.

We are due to go away for a short break next week. The doctor won't let him have any more prescription sleeping tablets. He's asked me to 'get some for him' from the doctor, under my name.

I've never had sleeping tablets. I can't imagine I can just request the pills on the app I usually get my medication, not without talking to my doctor, and even then I doubt they would just prescribe some for me after one appointment.

He's getting pissy with me because I've said no. Am I being a bitch?

(For background, his sleeping choices annoy me and make me feel neglected, so I may just be overreacting and feeling petty...)

OP posts:

FinallyHere · 20/10/2021 22:17

Remind me why you have this Prince of a man in your life?

Original poster

milksippingcat · 20/10/2021 22:20

Ha… well, this little trip away is pretty much make-or-break for me. I’m at the end of my tether anyway, then this curveball when I got home after 13 hours at work threw me tonight.

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/10/2021 22:25

Definitely sounds like addiction, getting aggressive about it.

He needs to sort it out, not have a go at your

I’m nto reallt sure I’d be sticking around, unless there’s something marvellous about him you havent mentioned.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/10/2021 23:10

The odds of you getting prescribed them when nobody's died are pretty much minimal.

I mean that absolutely literally. I've had years of 0-4 hours sleep and the only time anybody prescribed five single sleeping tablets required the sudden, traumatic death of a sibling.

DP, however, who could easily be awarded the title of European Sleep Champion 1979-2021, had a couple of months where he was only getting about 7 hours sleep a night and 'had' to nap all day to recover from this. He went to the same GP who had told me pretty much to suck it up, it's normal to be seeing birds out of the corners of your eyes because you're so tired, you've started dreaming whilst still awake - and they gave him an open ended prescription for sleeping tablets, saying that antidepressants don't work and they affect sexual function.

When I got in from work to hear that whilst my sleep issues, due to being a mere woman, were inconsequential, if a man only has more than double my best nights, he gets medication chucked at him, my reaction was rather animated.

What it took for me to be prescribed ten individual sleeping tablets in two prescriptions was for a sibling to die in a horrible accident. Men, have what you need, women - you're gonna have to kill somebody to be deemed worthy of medication.

Anyhow, my point is, your GP isn't going to prescribe them to you. So you could go (or pretend to go) and tell the GP he's showing signs of addiction and then come back/pretend to come back and say the GP refused.

And then I'd get the fuck out of the relationship altogether. You don't need that sort of shit in your life.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/10/2021 23:13

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

I have zoplicone gathering dust at the back of the cupboard.

Are they addictive in the same way Valium is?

Or addictive in the way that we rely on them to sleep and then can't do without?

Absolutely physically addictive. And very prone to abuse/resale, which is why so many GPs are unlikely to prescribe them.

Couldhavebeenme3 · 20/10/2021 23:17

@CottonSock

Is it zopiclone? My gp would only give me 28 days due to possible addiction.

I've got a condition where pain is worse at night, I'm on a real cocktail of meds including morphine, it's well documented that sleep is a real challenge with this condition. My gp has only prescribed 14 for a month, and will refuse further requests.

I've also been refused them when my ex was dragging me through court, and when my mum was having major surgery and treatment for cancer. They will not give them out willy-nilly, he needs to sort his own sleep out.

Original poster

milksippingcat · 21/10/2021 08:54

Thank you, everyone!

I’m so sorry to hear of the difficulties some of you have had with getting tablets when you really needed them. It’s especially worse to see a bias between men and women being prescribed.

OP posts:

daisypond · 21/10/2021 09:03

I was only prescribed 7 days’ worth of zopiclone after experiencing a severe trauma. I’m sure a doctor won’t prescribe any for you. Your OH needs to sort himself out.

WhatAShilohPitt · 21/10/2021 15:47

His sleep problems aren’t an unfashionable mystery that need medication - he has poor habits and chooses goes to bed at strange times and mess up his pattern. Taking some responsibility for that needs to be his priority, not getting you to lie and get a prescription to pass on. He’s being extremely unfair to make this your issue.

Rawmum30 · 21/10/2021 19:59

So what if you did manage (unlikely) to get hold of x amount of sleeping tablets, and what if he took them and it caused his death? Not only will you be a widow, but maybe a widow doing time for man slaughter…
Please be aware that he may try to cajole others into getting pills for him if his efforts to persuade you have failed.
Go to your doctor by all means, but use the appointment as an opportunity to alert the doctors to this red flag, but just tell him that you got a refusal.
You could also get him to research nutrition, as diet can also influence sleep to be either poor or better.
If he will listen to you about his late bedtime habits, it may be easier for him to contemplate changing his bedtime by very small amounts per week, so that over time, it gets to be say 11pm…. It’d be difficult to just jump to 11pm in one go!
All methods though should come from him, he is solely responsible for trying to maintain his health. You can encourage him and maybe even reward him in small ways. If he doesn’t do it himself, he will always have reason to claim that you “nag him” and it’s “your fault “….
I can see why other pp have said go live your own life, (your health may improve as a result if you did!) as he’s making you so unhappy.

Redarrow2017 · 21/10/2021 20:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Original poster

milksippingcat · 21/10/2021 21:27

11pm seems unfathomable to me right now! It used to be midnight when we first got together, then became 2am, then 5am. Now he is usually still up when I leave for work at 7am, and gets up between 6pm and 8pm.

It got worse when we moved in together- I think he just liked having time to himself after almost 10 years of living alone.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 21/10/2021 21:30

I'm sorry to ask this OP but are you sure that sleeping tablets are his only addiction?

Original poster

milksippingcat · 21/10/2021 21:34

Alcohol, too, @girlmom21

OP posts:

Ilovechristmasasmuchasiloveyou · 21/10/2021 21:39

Does he know the holiday is make or break for you?
You are right not to help him. He needs to train himself to sleep during the night.

Original poster

milksippingcat · 21/10/2021 21:42

He knows I'm very unhappy, but doesn't know quite how close to the edge I am, or how I'm viewing this time away together.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/10/2021 21:44

Alcohol, too

Good choice not to lie (and possibly commit a criminal act!).

Now just leave.

3scape · 21/10/2021 21:51

I know it's unpopular because it's a huge generalisation but I've been forced to live with people with addictions and now there is nothing on earth that would convince me to do that again. There's no nice addict. There's them (1), their "drug" of choice (2), the façade they maintain (3 4 and 5) and everyone and everything else is at the bottom of the pile in their thoughts and priorities, everytime always and they don't change. Their whole life is lies to support their habit.

Wolfiefan · 21/10/2021 21:53

So he’s an alcoholic who chooses to stay up all night then get pissy with you when you won’t get him sleeping pills.
After he’s slept all day and you’ve done a full days work.
A weekend away won’t change that. Why stay??

girlmom21 · 21/10/2021 22:04

@milksippingcat

Alcohol, too, *@girlmom21*

Oh god even more reason to not get him sleeping tablets.

Is he getting help for the alcohol abuse?

CottonSock · 22/10/2021 08:27

Op, from the outside this just sounds awful for you. Do you gain anything from this relationship?

Original poster

milksippingcat · 22/10/2021 18:33

@CottonSock, I don't think so, anymore. It's a very long relationship, so I suppose part of it is the familiarity, and the whole idea of 'sunken costs'. It comes at a time when I am also increasingly unhappy at work, and just dreaming about jacking everything in and moving to the seaside.

OP posts:

StartingGrid · 23/10/2021 21:33

Absolutely stand your ground, if he holds it against you then he's showing his true colours. Alcohol and zopiclone can make for a horrendous combination, so much so that people actually combine them on purpose to end up totally off their heads. Is he a particularly heavy drinker, has he built up a tolerance to the drink and looking for more of a buzz? If you did do it once, I can guarantee you'd end up back there again, there would be another excuse to keep enabling him.

Original poster

milksippingcat · 23/10/2021 23:09

He does drink a lot, but I don’t think he takes the tablets for a buzz. He uses them when he has to get up in the morning, which is pretty infrequent, because he rarely goes anywhere/ does anything that requires it. It also usually means he won’t have as much to drink, which I think makes it harder for him to get to sleep anyway.

OP posts:

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