How to organise a hen do?!

[Jennagh]

I’m very over the WhatsApp group chats and we are only in early stages.

I have organised hens before believe it or not- but they have all been city based and a ‘hen night’ rather than a ‘hen weekend’.

Other bridesmaids very excited to book some preposterously priced luxury manor and a million additional activities guaranteed to be no fun at all with similar preposterous price tags.

Proposed attendees less than excited - majority non-comittal, many have small children and not thrilled at the prospect of 3 days of jam packed regimented entertainment.

The cost of the manor is fixed and so the fewer attendees there are, the higher the per person cost. However of course, no one wants to commit unless they know how much it’s going to be. And so we are stuck, in a game of chicken. Nothing is yet actually booked.

How does this work?
How did people ever organise abroad hens?

I suppose my AIBU is AIBU to think this is unworkable and we should just have afternoon tea/dinner/cocktails somewhere nice?

Well you could not go abroad and hire an Airbnb?

Maybe just say that this is the plan if you have over 10 people (making it a maximum of £x per person). Anyone who can commit to coming needs to let you know by a certain date.
If you haven’t got 10 people then you will arrange something else (e.g. a spa hotel where people can pay for their own room/meal/activities individually). I’ve organized a few hen parties before and found it’s often easier to choose something where people can book their own stuff individually (e.g. theatre tickets, hotel rooms) or pay on the day (drinks at a bar). Otherwise you spend ages chasing people for money and end up covering the cost of people who don’t turn up/don’t pay.

We used a company to arrange a friend's a few years ago and it took all of the hassle out of it. They basically give you a fixed price and then tell you that if you haven't paid by X date you can't go.

What do you think the bride would want? You must know her better than most people if you're organising her hen do.

When I got married I would have hated to think that people were having to fork out loads of money and spend 3 days away from their young children if they didn't really want to.

Then again, I know others would be really disappointed if there wasn't a big fuss made. So it's hard for us on MN to judge the situation because obviously we don't know her.

Could you set things out for the other bridesmaids ie total cost is x. If y people come it is z per head. But if only Yy people come then it is zz per head. Might make them think.

I would steer clear of abroad. I would not be keen on that nor would any of my friends with kids in case we got stuck over there or had to quarantine on the way back.
Or suggest that you do a lovely afternoon tea or local night on the town depending on brides preference with a bridal party weekend away.