I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man, it's still very new but it's honestly the best relationship I've ever been in (so far 😆).
It's his birthday coming up very soon and I know he's not expecting an expensive grand gesture, both because he just isn't very money orientated and the relationship is so new. Still, I'd like to be able to get him something small at least, or take him out to dinner to celebrate. But I can't.
My hours have dropped at work and I have no opportunity to increase them just yet. I work in a notoriously seasonal business and I'm desperately hanging on to my hours to get me through the winter. I'm looking at getting a second job but I work set days and it's tricky fitting another job that wants full flexibility around it. I'm also in a small amount of debt (incurred due to Covid) which I am prioritising paying back. These payments, together with rent, food, bills and transport costs means I have almost nothing left each pay day. I can't cut back anywhere as I live frugally enough as it is!
The whole thing is just making me feel so shit. I've tried so hard to claw my way out of debt and every time I get on top of things something happens to put me right back to square one. Job losses, Covid, etc. There was a thread on here about a poster who makes more than her DP and everyone was basically calling him a lazy cocklodger and saying she should dump him for being so useless with money and tbh that exactly how I'm feeling about myself right now. Like I don't deserve to be happy with someone because I can't give him what he deserves or be his equal 😞
He's arranged to go out with some friends tomorrow night for dinner & drinks and I've been invited too. I really want to go but I don't know how to say that I can't afford it. I don't want to make an excuse not to go but I also don't want to sit there nursing one pint of coke all evening while everyone else has a lovely time.
Christmas is stressing me out already too. In my family we have a budget of X amount and pick a family member at random to buy one gift for. I don't think I'm going to have it to spend and I want to just say to others not to get me anything because I can't afford to reciprocate.
Aibu to get this worked up about it? I know the people that love me probably won't care that much about presents and stuff, but I care. I just want to be able to do things for them like they do for me.
Just feeling down I guess 😞