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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mention-itis or AIBU?

9 replies

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 20/10/2021 12:45

I think I might be being ridiculous and need the woman of mumsnet to help me give my head a wobble!

My DH works in an industry where there is opportunity for development but he needs further qualifications, so he’s doing a university day release type course. Last year was obviously mostly home study due to covid but this year he’s on campus more often. He’s made a group of friends studying the same thing - all good.

Over the past few weeks though he’s been mentioning one woman in particular who is on his course (probably not relevant but it’s a stereotypically male industry and she’s the only woman in his class.) Nothing massive but things like “oh X came with us for lunch today,” or “Was chatting to X about this today.”

He’s very open about it all, we use others phones regularly, share a laptop, use each other’s iPad, and there’s been no communication between them beyond uni. I think he’s probably just made a female friend studying the same thing and I shouldn’t overthink it anymore than if he was mentioning a male classmate. But I keep seeing “mention-itis” in the affair threads and now I’m paranoid, which is unlike me as I’m not jealous at all usually!

DH has other female friends who I like very much but from childhood so people he’s known forever, not friends he’s made as an adult. This shouldn’t make a difference though so I’m not sure why it is in my head! Any tips for letting this one go and not worrying?

(For the record I have never had a reason to mistrust DH and I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong!)

OP posts:
Nowhereelsetogo90 · 20/10/2021 12:45

*women!

OP posts:
PooWillyNameChange · 20/10/2021 12:48

I've put YABU to worry as I think it sounds innocent enough. At worst it could be a mild crush but surely that happens over long marriages? However, if I were you I'd feel the same and not say anything but probably just keep an eye out for other signs.

mountbattenbergcake · 20/10/2021 13:12

What PooWilly said

Hemingwayscats · 20/10/2021 13:13

Is he just mentioning her or does he also mention other people on the course?

girlmom21 · 20/10/2021 13:19

I wonder if he feels like he has to mention her because she's female.

Like he's causing you concern because he's trying too hard to be transparent so you don't worry?

I don't think there's anything concerning but obviously you know your husband!

MancMum2000 · 20/10/2021 13:29

I’d keep my eye on that but I am suspicious of most male-female friendships. In my experience married men don’t bother making new female friends unless they fancy them or there is a bit of a flirty/ego boost dynamic.

OverweightPidgeon · 20/10/2021 13:33

Hmmm mentionitis , I’d keep an eye on things , if you’ve noticed it then it’s obviously obvious iyswim.

gannett · 20/10/2021 13:45

@MancMum2000

I’d keep my eye on that but I am suspicious of most male-female friendships. In my experience married men don’t bother making new female friends unless they fancy them or there is a bit of a flirty/ego boost dynamic.
In your narrow experience
LetHimHaveIt · 20/10/2021 13:49

I wasn't particularly worried in 2017. I was when I read the messages in 2020.

It may well be nothing. But I'd keep an eye. I didn't and was made a fucking fool of.

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