Family inviting other family to stay at my house

[Papierdecoupe]

Prepared to be told I’m unreasonable. We have two young DC who aren’t good at sleeping and are often ill. So I guess most of my life is now spent feeling tired and being unreasonable, but here goes.

We have one spare bedroom. My parents are coming to stay to help with childcare for a few days while I do some KIT days. It’s the first time I’ll have left my youngest DC for more than a couple of hours. My younger brother who has behavioural problems has to come with them and stay too, due to his age. I find him being in the house very stressful and my parents know this. My mum has just invited my sister to come and stay too (my sister lives in a different town). I rang my mum asking about it and she was saying ‘oh I hope she can stay’, nothing about the fact she’s just inviting people to stay in our house without asking? I pointed this out to her, and she became short-tempered and said that we’re all one family so the invite should stand for everyone. Is this true? I get on well with my sister and I would love to see her, but I don’t want 4 houseguests (one with behavioural problems) when I’m about to leave my youngest DC for the first time and start thinking about going to work again. Or is it just the price I’m paying for their childcare?

I agree, why does your mum want a family holiday at your home? Do you have other siblings? Is she hoping that your sister will help mind your child and/or your brother, so less stress on your parents?

I'd call the whole thing off and not have any of them over personally! I'm assuming you are clearly an adult, but sounds like you are being treated as a child yourself!

Could 1 parent stay or do a day trip instead? What about your partners family? Could they help instead?

You could turn the tables. All pile into your mum's house as, afterall, you are all family!!
So that's you & your DH, your 2 DC, don't forget to invite your sister & family & other siblings you have & their families...and your DH family etc!!
Wouldn't that be a shocker?!

Well some of these replies have made me laugh and some just make me feel a bit sad. My sister has said she won’t be coming so I just want to try and speak to my mum about it again. She can fly off the handle and become irrational when she’s in a bad place, and I think she’s in a bad place right now. I think she’s likely missing my sister (who was at home a lot more the past year or so due to covid), and maybe thought inviting her to my house would be a good way to see her.

I had this when DD was a few weeks old. DP’s mum was coming to “help”- even though I didn’t want her here and didn’t need her. Suddenly she had invited her husband and her daughter and son in law. A few days of helping out became a full-on family holiday!

DP told her it was out of hand and if she wanted to come it was her alone. She managed this but I think with babies some people become a bit crazy!

I’d be tempted to not use your mum if possible for your KIT days. If unavoidable, I’d remind her the house doesn’t have loads of spare room so it might be best if either just she or your dad comes and the other parent stays and looks after your brother.

If your mum isn’t in a good place at the moment is she safe to have looking after your DC?

I would cancel and get paid childcare. It isn't meant to be a family catch up or holiday for your parents and I would have made that quite clear at the point of asking for their help. I think your mum was rude to invite someone over to your home but then my mil has done this to me before. I had offered to take my fil out for a father's day meal and she invited her brother along too, she also came to our house for dinner and bought along her cousin. If asked in the first scenario I would have said no, the second I would have said yes but what annoyed me is the lack of regard in terms of asking!

I would also cancel any further kit days, they aren't mandatory (normally) unless you can arrange childcare other than your mum.

@Papierdecoupe if your sister isn't coming and your mum is in a bad place at the moment, why raise it again? Just let it go. Raising it again is just going to upset her more and for what end? Your sister already isn't coming, you have what you wanted out of the situation.

But if your mum is in a bad place, maybe see if your sister could come visit for lunch or something someday to help lift her up.

So including DC there would be 8 of you crammed into your house, while you're stressed out anyway?

F that. Sorry. But I'd look for some paid childcare during the day instead and your DH will have to pick up the load during the evenings.

(Sorry just saw your sister isn't coming, so there would only be 7). But where is your brother going to sleep if you only have one spare room?

Can you drop your DC off at your parents’? How old is your little brother? It is weird that they’ve invited your sister.

@Papierdecoupe

Well some of these replies have made me laugh and some just make me feel a bit sad. My sister has said she won’t be coming so I just want to try and speak to my mum about it again. She can fly off the handle and become irrational when she’s in a bad place, and I think she’s in a bad place right now. I think she’s likely missing my sister (who was at home a lot more the past year or so due to covid), and maybe thought inviting her to my house would be a good way to see her.

I do understand her feeling like this but the least your mum could/should have done is ASK you before even thinking of inviting anyone to your home!!