To ask how to.let this go..or how to tackle

[Westnsouthnabout]

I have an on medical issue. Not life threatening but would need med assesment.
My tends to panic and sometimes does sometimes not respond very well..is also introvert and does not express feelings well or at the time.
Anyway, this eve it looked like I was having a flare up.
I got a bit anxoius and also worried that this may have been linked to extra work.ive done today which involved cleaning,dust,chemicals.
I need to.do extra at the moment as we need more money to help a family member.
I was saying ,on the way to minor injuries unit, oh god what if its the work, etc and he gruffly said well you chose to do extra work. It was yr idea to support family member... so I said yes , but we need the.money.. then he said well.you could use your savings instread of extra work.. I just, probably.wrongly, felt really uncared about..like I needed kind support rather than you chose to support family member.I think he was defensive as he was feeling guilty that I am doinf extra..? But does not realise he is actually.being defensive..he is normally.a kind intentioned person .. it just felt so unstmpathetic as last time I had a similar problem I was admitted.to hospital.
How to deal with a dh who is perhaps defensive but I get the outward grump.
I kmow its probably me being sensitive but I really felt vulnerable.

Ive told him.how i feel .he said sorry but has no idea what he is sorrt for

Sorry for ie lack support

• I have an on medical issue. Not life threatening but would need med assesment. My tends to panic and sometimes does sometimes not respond very well..is also introvert and does not express feelings well or at the time....*

It's not easy to read your OP
You've put down a lot of ramble thoughts all in one long paragraph . I suspect it's how it feels in your head, overwhelming.

1. Did you mean 'My DH.."?

1. It sounds as if your DH is providing problem focused solutions and that's not what you want. So tell him what would help you instead.

DH's trying to work out what you want & why you're working extra hours? And suggesting answers ...

When you seem to want instead for DH to listen, say he "understands" & hug you snd be emotionally supportive about your scary wait for medical tests.

Have you read Men are from Mars, Women from Venus"? It's a very old book, bit dated and likely sexist by its generalisations but it does hold true that different people react in different styles and have different ways they want support.

Btw that book always made me laugh as I'm woman but according to the book I'm a man from Mars. You'll find me in my cave sometimes, having withdrawn on my 'Elastuc band' and I automatically go solution focussed. ...

... that's before I remind myself that sometimes what is wanted is to just listen and be empathetic. And to ask the person how they feel they want to deal with it & let them talk it out.. ( "it sounds stressful... your head just feel all over the place... let me know what will help you best when you feel like that?.." )

I agree.
Yes , dh tends to give those sort of problem.focussed.solutions.
I have told him.for years I just need to be listened to.
I feel like if i have to tell him this each time its like I have to sort out my own support and tell him.how.to.respond helpfully.. it would be hard work . I dont feel v understood. My mates dh notices when she is upset etc so I know they can tune in !.I think you are right ,he tries to make it better and it infuriatws and I feel really sad as I dont want a solution I just want care.