DP says he should get more sleep

[PCtired]

AIBU that I'm annoyed at my partner for this:

DP is a police officer and works away from home on shifts. He does 8hr days for 6 days then gets 4 days off. His station is 1hr30 mins away so he stays with family on his shift days and comes back home on his days off.
We have a 3 month old.
For context he finished his shift at 7am this morning. Just as I was waking up with DS. I asked DP to come down early afternoon as I currently have an infection and on antibiotics so feel like crap and even worse with little sleep and a baby who won't nap and wants to be played with or held all of the time. I'm also still battling fatigue from a traumatic birth (had 2 inductions, a stroke & emergency section).
He actually had sat & sun off so went to work at 11pm mon (yesterday) and finished at 7am today.
AIBU to think he should suck it up and just come home to help out. I'm sleep deprived constantly because by the time he gets here I'm on bath and bed time (DS is ebf so can't just tell DP to get on with it himself and DS refuses a bottle)

Yes he should help you out especially as you're not well at the minute. I have a 7 month old and me and DH were only talking about this last night that the tough early months don't last that long and he's much easier now he's 7 months it feels like a long time ago we were sleep deprived and he was very needy. So take comfort knowing it won't last too much longer now, but ur H needs to step up a bit, you're probably over the worst of it now xx

@PegasusReturns

So what is your DP bringing to this relationship? No practical support. No financial support. No shared parenting.

What are you getting from the relationship?

This. OP, in the nicest possible way, this sounds like it’s really not a good relationship for you. I’m assuming the pregnancy was unexpected, and you’re floundering as a result, but even so, it does sound as if he thinks the baby is your sole responsibility.

you are calling him DP but he's just a boyfriend really? had a baby but don't live together?

He either comes home to face his responsibilities or he pays for help for you.

You had a stroke FFS.

Sadly I think you are misrepresenting your situation. Maybe even to yourself.

He is not your partner. You are living with your respective families 1.5 hours away from each other. Your parents' house is not his home. He's basically a boyfriend that occasionally visits to see you and his child. I'd suggest you either need to come to terms with that, or look to actually move your relationship onto a more "normal" footing. If you can't afford to rent near where he works, can you rent half way? Are you at least both saving whilst you stay with family?

He sounds a bit pathetic and clearly hasn't stepped up. He is living with his parents and using his job shifts as an excuse not to parent. You can do better than this

@RedskyThisNight

Sadly I think you are misrepresenting your situation. Maybe even to yourself.

He is not your partner. You are living with your respective families 1.5 hours away from each other. Your parents' house is not his home. He's basically a boyfriend that occasionally visits to see you and his child. I'd suggest you either need to come to terms with that, or look to actually move your relationship onto a more "normal" footing. If you can't afford to rent near where he works, can you rent half way? Are you at least both saving whilst you stay with family?

Unfortunately this is what I was going to say.

You're asking the wrong question.

@mathanxiety

He either comes home to face his responsibilities or he pays for help for you.

You had a stroke FFS.

Exactly.

I think you also need to change the language you are using. You don't want him to "help" or "help out". You want him to "be a parent" or (as above) "face his responsibilities".

Yes he should help. You are both parents and you are ill. He needs to be a parent regardless of work and sleep. Being a parent is fucking tiring, nothing new there

Have you done shift work yourself? It's exhausting. I also have a 2 year old so I know how hard work it us looking after little ones too, but if you're home you can nap at least. I'd let him sleep but then help more on his days off?

Redsky's post has nailed it.

This really isn't a partnership while you're both living with your respective parents and he has no responsibility.

The more information you give the younger you both sound.
He isn't co-parenting in any meaningful way at the moment and he doesn't sound like your partner.

If your parents are able to help you then you should let them as it sounds as though you have had an extremely difficult time with serious illnesses.

Try and find a way of parenting that works for you and then see if DP is able to add to that. It doesn't sound like he is that committed at the moment.