Failed

[Wookey123]

I feel really sad, i try to make my husband happy but i don't feel like anything is good enough anymore. He's become more and more difficult to live with in the last few years which confirms that i cannot be making him happy.

It was his Birthday recently he never wants anything but i always try to to think of something. He does need new clothes so i chose him a hoodie. When i gave it to him he refused to open it. After i went to bed he obviously looked at it and then left on the chair where he dumps all my stuff like work bags slippers or anything that belongs to me that i have left lying around. This to me was a sign i don't like it. I asked him & he said why would you buy me a hoody with a huge logo. Failed again. There's a lot going on here that makes me feel things are wrong. My parents brought his gift round (some cash as they didn't know what to get him) again he refuses to open it or even acknowledge it. I find it so embarrassing my mum & dad have been kind to us over the years but he just seems to be full of resentment & anger. I haven't talked to anyone about this but its killing me i want to stay together but i feel broken.

I had a minor op on friday but am completely imobile and he is looking after eveything practically but emotionally I'm so upset. He has brought me food and collected my plates but spent no time with me. I feel so upset. I did get up while he was out an put my pjamas in the wash and now he is refusing to speak to me because i came downstairs. Ive been told to rest 45 out of 60 mins but i still have to get up so i don't get dvt. I'm so sad. He will not talk to me i just don't know what to do anymore i just need to talk to someone. Am i being silly?

How long has he been behaving like this OP? Do you both work and do you both have friends, either mutual or independent of each other? I just wonder how long you’ve been trying to “make him happy”? It sounds like you have supportive parents, do you have other support in real life? You can only ever contribute 50% of the effort before you have to ask yourself whether your energy wouldn’t be better used to re-asses your life and spend it with people who contribute too. You can’t “make” someone else happy and nor should you try at the expense of your own happiness when they continue to be so hostile.

I keep giving him the opportunity to admit he's not happy but he doesn't and we carry on until i get upset.. i will work out what to do whilst im recovering. Thank you.

Well stop badgering him to admit he is unhappy. Tell him YOU are unhappy. Your not a doormat, you wont be treated like crap and you deserve more from him

The past 18 months its been particularly difficult. I work part time, 24 hrs run the home , do all aspects of things for the kids. Walk the dogs. Its just constant complaining wore me down & then this thing over the gift upset me.

You need to consider it over and check out as well to save your emotional health.

It is worth digging to see if there is evidence of an affair as that would be helpful when you go for divorce.

Oh op I can relate... my husband found a gift I'd bought him for Christmas and told me "I don't want it thank you"...

Just makes you feel like shit.

Sending ❤️

Mine was like this.
We are now divorcing.
He sounds depressed but that is not anything you can fix.
So sorry you are going thru this

That’s so sad that you’re having to live like that

It’s disgusting for an adult to treat you like this. Sorry to say it but it sounds like he might want to end the relationship but the coward doesn’t have the courage so he’s trying to make you do it.

@viques

I hope you kept the receipt for the hoodie. I’m afraid it is too late to return him for a refund, you will have to recycle him or send him to the dump.

Don't recycle him, some other poor woman will end up with it. The dump is the correct place for trash!

your post has made me sad and angry on your behalf. What a terrible way to treat anybody, never mind a loved one! The brass neck of him! Your only failing here is your failure to get rid of him. It will improve your mood immeasurably even though it is not an easy thing to do. Please don't tolerate any more of this nonsense. Figure out the easiest way to get him out and tell him he is no longer required

Thank you everyone obvously its not something I want to tell my Mum n Dad. They know he can be difficult but i dont tell them much as I don't want to worry them.. I'm going to rest up now i appreciate all the responses.

No, Wookey, he has failed. Failed to behave like a decent, respectful human being. He is treating you with utter contempt and stonewalling your attempts to work on the marriage.

Stop waiting on him to end things. He is gaining some level of gratification from sticking around and stomping on your self-esteem and boundaries. Your teens are observing a very unhealthy relationship model.

Enough is enough, Wookey. Use your agency and end this yourself.

Go quiet and get well. Get copies of all the important paperwork and get legal advice.

You would be better off without him in your life.

I woke up thinking about you, op. I once posted something very similar on mn and got advice like you have had. I ignored it because I was scared and we limped on for an extra year. You will take as long as you need to take but ultimately deserve better.

I will never forget the first day I drove home from work to an empty house. I knew I wouldn't hear his key in the door and that he was gone as planned. The relief was enormous. I've gotten used to doing what I want without any judgment or criticism from anyone now, but for awhile it was pure bliss. Good luck.

It was actually difficult to read this, he is being so rude and nasty. Can you think of any other situation where you would refuse to acknowledge a present from a friend or family? It's just nasty. Its completely him and not you. And sorry the relationship is already over and you do need to make plans to leave. It isnt a relationship by morr it sounds like when you have a housemate that you don't like but don't have a choice but to live with for a while

It's not you It's him. Why do you try to 'make him happy'? He doesn’t try to make you happy does he? Stop hoping he'll turn into someone who cares and deal with the person he is. He obviously doesn't give a fuck about you so YOU need to give a fuck about you.

Do you want to continue living with someone who treats you like crap? If no then look at separating. This is no way to live.

He isn't brave enough to leave, or give up his home, but he wants out. He just wants you to crack first. You need to make plans to split. He's displaying unreasonable behaviour, with a level of emotional abuse, it's worth speaking to a solicitor.

A partner is supposed to enhance your life. If they aren't, there's either a reason and it can be fixed, or the relationship just isn't right for you both any longer, for a multitude of reasons.

You can't change another person, and you can't make them happy.

Yep, you've failed. Failed to get a husband worthy of you! Honestly, he sounds like a total twat.