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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be insecure about boyfriend and colleague

13 replies

Foodlover12 · 18/10/2021 14:02

I haven’t said anything about it, I know I have to trust him and I’m sure it’s nothing, it just makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.

He’s been working with a new colleague for around a month in an office, she’s his age (I’m 4 years older)

She’s attractive and it seems like they get on very well. She’s actually leaving soon (I admit I’m secretly glad) as she got another job offer elsewhere, but still.

I have no idea if she has a boyfriend but he told me she lives alone.
They just seem to know a lot about each other, and yesterday he was saying that he’d like to meet up with her out of work and invite me along.
He said she was really cool and that it was annoying she’s leaving.
Apparently she said to him that he looks like some actor I’ve never heard of but that is good-looking.

He just seemed to mention her a lot yesterday. I’m sure there’s nothing there, he has other female friends and colleagues. I’m sure he’d never do anything but I just feel slightly uncomfortable.

I’ve never read his phone and wouldn’t but it doesn’t seem like they text out of work or anything.

I’m probably making it a much bigger deal than it is, what do others think? It also sounds like they have a lot in common.

I’m more sensitive I suppose as my ex cheated on me and left me for his work colleague, after months of getting closer to her.

Aibu?

OP posts:
GoingOutOutNEVER · 18/10/2021 18:44

Tell him you’d love to meet her and she how it goes she could just be a nice person and turn out to become a good friend to you

Welshiefluff · 18/10/2021 18:59

He is telling you about her so does not sound like there is anything to hide. As long as you do not get funny about it then all will be fine.

Smileforthebirdie · 18/10/2021 19:00

Mentionitis is a thing

RubyFowler · 18/10/2021 19:01

@GoingOutOutNEVER

Tell him you’d love to meet her and she how it goes she could just be a nice person and turn out to become a good friend to you
Yes do this. His reaction will tell you what you need to know. If there's nothing in it, he'll be excited to share his new friend with you.
Thetrainisinthestation · 18/10/2021 19:02

My ex invited his colleague to dinner with us so we could all meet and get to know each other
Little did I know they had already been shagging for a few months

Mamatocats · 18/10/2021 19:05

I think you are overthinking as from what you’ve said he’s not actually done anything to indicate any deceit. Biggest thing i take from this is he wants you to come along to meet her! That tells me he genuinely thinks she’s just a nice person and wants you to meet this person too.
I’d go and meet her and look damn fine when you do! You never know you guys might click and get on really well!

Sometimes our worries get the better of us and we overthink, it is normal, just don’t let it consume you as genuinely think in this occasion he’s just talking about a mate in work

HollaHolla · 18/10/2021 19:06

I have a good male friend at work, and there's nothing in it. He's a few years younger than me, we have some shared interests, and we've been for a beer/burger together for a catch up. He even came to visit me in hospital, when I was in for a fortnight after a major surgery.
There is not one jot of anything untowards in it. I have met his wife twice, I think; but she's not my pal - he is. I liked his wife well enough - gave them a wedding gift, and a new baby present too. Very happy for them.
But we have a great laugh, and have been a real support to each other, without any fancying/attraction at all.
Maybe it's like our relationship?

Mamatocats · 18/10/2021 19:07

100% this!! If you are worried his reaction will tell you.

I think everything is fine but this is a good thing to do either way!

MrsJackWhicher · 18/10/2021 19:07

I’m afraid I agree about mentionitis.
Does he know about your ex situation?

Mamatocats · 18/10/2021 19:07

@RubyFowler meant to tag you 😂

Laaaaa · 18/10/2021 19:14

Defo meet her!

RobinsReliant · 18/10/2021 20:10

The fact he’s inviting you is positive.
You should definitely go. The alternative is that he will meet up with her by himself which will make you feel worse.

IdblowJonSnow · 18/10/2021 20:25

This wont be popular, but I'd snoop on his phone. Then you'll know.
I thought my DH would never do anything but I've just recently found out something that's broken my heart.
I think its encouraging that he's invited you out but sometimes people hide in plain sight.
He may not be though!

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