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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to send a reminder?

17 replies

KidsPartyEtiquette · 18/10/2021 07:39

It's been years since I've organised a kids party, and have never had this situation before so would appreciate a little advice on the matter.

DS 6 is having his 7th birthday party on the 30th Oct. It's paid per head with a maximum of 6 children - various activites, challenges and games. DS has invited 5 children (there will be 6 including him) - we sent out invites at the beginning of October and I asked for RSVP's as well as letting me know if their children have any allergies etc.

Two children haven't responded. I know they have the invites as the teacher gave them directly to the parents at the end of the school day. I'm thinking about sending a short letter just asking the parents to let me know either way so he can invite someone else if they're unable to come, but have been advised against it?

I don't want them to turn up unexpectedly, and I also don't want the places to be wasted! Wise MN'ers - what would you do?!

OP posts:
Geamhradh · 18/10/2021 07:43

30th?
It's way too early. It's nearly a fortnight away.
Protocol at my dd's school was that the invites go out about 7-10 days beforehand, and to let the parents know a definite yes or no 2-3 days before the event.

Original poster
KidsPartyEtiquette · 18/10/2021 07:45

@Geamhradh

30th? It's way too early. It's nearly a fortnight away. Protocol at my dd's school was that the invites go out about 7-10 days beforehand, and to let the parents know a definite yes or no 2-3 days before the event.
In normal circumstances I agree they went out a little early. However, it's around half term and I know some people have plans/go away so I wanted to be organised.

I guess I wouldn't have worried so much if it was a party where numbers weren't an issue - but it's quite specific.

OP posts:
SylvanasWindrunner · 18/10/2021 07:49

I think it's fine to follow up. No idea about 'protocol' but it's just manners to RSVP as soon as possible so the host knows how many to expect. I certainly wouldn't wait till two days before to say DD was or wasn't coming if we'd been told in good time!

frazzledasarock · 18/10/2021 07:50

I’d send reminders.

It annoys me so much when parents don’t bother to rsvp then the kids turn up anyway.

SirensofTitan · 18/10/2021 07:52

I don't think you need to write a letter, a short message to say that you need to confirm numbers with the venue by {insert date} and you'd appreciate confirmation would be fine

People are busy, they put things aside and forget, totally fine imo to politely chase where numbers are critical

residentkaleidoscope · 18/10/2021 07:54

2 weeks before a party is to late! I like at least 4-6 weeks notice. I always text parents straight away with an answer. I would send a reminder definitely as it's half term soon too!!

WTF475878237NC · 18/10/2021 08:00

Yes it's fine to chase as it gets closer. You need time to invite someone else and submit their dietary requirements too.

I wouldn't dream of just giving someone 2 days' notice that I never intended to come to their pay per head function. It takes two minutes to say thanks but he can't make it. I've also seen it on here so many times parents don't RSVP and then show up with the kid plus sibling and don't even acknowledge it.

CatWarbler · 18/10/2021 08:02

I think you're totally reasonable to send a polite reminder.

rushedruined · 18/10/2021 08:23

Of course remind them. They've probably completely forgotten and would be mortified to make you lose money.

LawnFever · 18/10/2021 08:27

Yeah I’d send a reminder, and put a deadline on it and that if you don’t hear anything/they can’t make it you’ll pass the places on as it’s charged per head.

shouldistop · 18/10/2021 08:30

30th?
It's way too early. It's nearly a fortnight away.
Protocol at my dd's school was that the invites go out about 7-10 days beforehand, and to let the parents know a definite yes or no 2-3 days before the event.

7-10 days notice?! Hardly anyone I know would ever be available with that little notice. 4 weeks seems standard around here.

Op I would definitely follow up

Original poster
KidsPartyEtiquette · 18/10/2021 08:33

Good to know I'm not BU in sending a polite reminder.
I guess not everyone thinks the same as I do, as I'd have RSVP'd straight away and certainly not left it 2 weeks to do so.
Maybe times have changed since I last organised parties?!

OP posts:
NigelSlatersXmasTaters · 18/10/2021 08:45

Can you speak to them rather than send a letter? They didn't rsvp first time so maybe face to face is the way forward

Original poster
KidsPartyEtiquette · 18/10/2021 09:27

@NigelSlatersXmasTaters

Can you speak to them rather than send a letter? They didn't rsvp first time so maybe face to face is the way forward
Unfortunately I don't do the school runs, my childminder does as I work FT. Otherwise I'd absolutely try and speak with them.
OP posts:
LuLaLeggings · 18/10/2021 16:59

Is there not a WhatsApp group/ Facebook page? You can ask if anyone has X and Y's numbers and message directly. I've done it before. Absolutely you can chase up politely.

nomoneytreehere · 18/10/2021 17:39

Totally fine to follow up. Stuff gets lost or put in the wrong place and forgotten. The super organised get all annoyed at those of us that are a bit flaky forgetting that we can't all be neuro typical. Not responding to the follow up - that's rude.

minipie · 18/10/2021 17:47

I would totally follow up by however you can. Absolutely not too early.

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