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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Where have you gone?

10 replies

WatermeLONE · 17/10/2021 23:27

Pre Covid my DM was VERY involved in my children's lives. She would offer to take them out for the day, have them stay the night at her house or just for tea and a play. Would help with swimming lessons etc but now it's the polar opposite.

I always really appreciated that she wanted to be so involved and spend quality time with her grandchildren. I never asked for her to have them, she would always offer.

Obviously at the start of the pandemic when we were all in full blown lockdown and there were heavy restrictions, things were different and of course I didn't expect her to come and visit/spend time with my DC or have them at her house. Now that restrictions are nowhere near what they used to be I half expected our normal to go back to how it was (to a certain extent.)

For a bit of context- she is double vaccinated (so are myself and DP) and has travelled within the UK to visit family without any issues. She goes about like 'normal' (obviously following any current rules/guidelines in our area still) and doesn't have any problems travelling a number of times quite far to visit other family. My issue is..

She hasn't bothered at all to visit myself or my children, never phones to check in with them or have a blether with them or to ask how they are. It's almost as if she just can't be bothered! It's quite upsetting actually.

AIBU to be quite annoyed/upset with this? I haven't spoken to her for weeks and feel quite hurt. Is anyone else experiencing anything similar? It's like a switch has been flicked and she doesn't want to be part of our lives anymore or is point blank just avoiding us Confused

OP posts:
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 17/10/2021 23:33

Have you tried contacting her and enquiring how she is?

tiggerwhocamefortea · 17/10/2021 23:35

I think she probably has just got used to a new normal during lockdowns etc and has forgotten/moved on and just hasn't realised

QuestionNumberOne · 17/10/2021 23:35

I think you need to talk to her directly about this, say you miss her and you wish she was more involved again.

She may have got a crazy idea in her head you don’t want to see her so much anymore.

Kite22 · 17/10/2021 23:36

I haven't spoken to her for weeks and feel quite hurt.

You do realise communication is a two way thing ?
Has it occurred to you to pick up the phone and talk to her ?

bloodywhitecat · 17/10/2021 23:36

Have you called or visited her or even sent a message?

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/10/2021 23:39

So - this is quite a big change in her behaviour. How's her health?

And how much contact was there during lockdowns - phone, facetiming etc?

Namechangedforthethousandthtim · 18/10/2021 00:19

So she hasn't contacted you and as a result you haven't spoken in weeks?

Is there a chance this relationship is very one way and she's fed up with it?

If someone didn't phone me I'd simply phone them. I'd not wait quietly, getting angrier and angrier that they weren't giving me as much attention as they used to.

I'd be worried about them! Calling to make sure everything was okay, telling her we miss her etc.

Maybe she was feeling taken for granted and so testing out what would happen if she didn't initiate contact. And you've gone and ignored her!

DysmalRadius · 18/10/2021 00:23

Is the two week silence because you realised you were always calling her and wanted to see if she would call you if you didn't initiate contact?

Springplanting · 18/10/2021 00:42

Is she alright? She may be unwell.

Call her and ask her why she hasn't phoned and it would be nice to see/hear from her.

Springplanting · 18/10/2021 00:44

Wait - your mum..she's not the one on the other thread with COPD and heart failure but was always helping with childcare?

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