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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about feeding newborns ‘on demand’

49 replies

Speckledhem · 17/10/2021 16:52

It’s a long time since I’ve had a new born so I’m probably completely out of touch. I was visiting a friend earlier who has a new born (4 weeks old). The baby is formula fed and she’s feeding every 1-2 hours. My poor friend was absolutely knackered from sleep deprivation and I just thought that was really often!

Only every few feeds does the baby take all of the milk so she can’t be hungry that often if she’s not taking more than a few sips surely? I mentioned maybe she wasn’t hungry that often and just wanted a cuddle or a dummy but my friend insisted that she’s ‘fed on demand’ as the midwife had advised.

Don’t get me wrong, I obviously would not ignore a crying newborn but surely it can’t be right making bottles every 1-2 hours?

OP posts:
AliasGrape · 17/10/2021 16:56

At one stage my dd wanted feeding around every 45 minutes! It’s totally normal. Their tummies are tiny. On demand is absolutely best.

It’s shit for a while and knackering and a fair bit of milk gets wasted, but it doesn’t last very long. In the meantime the prep machine or premixed formula is a godsend!

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 17/10/2021 17:03

We did that with DD. A lot was wasted, and she did have a lot of very frequent tiny snacks 24/7, but it was what we were told to do, so we did.

DS was in hospital for his first month, tube fed for two weeks and bottle for two weeks. He was fed every 3 hours, then every 4, never on demand. And he was fine, as were all the other babies in the ward who were fed the same way.

pointythings · 17/10/2021 17:15

I think demand feeding when bottle feeding must be incredibly hard - hats off to anyone doing it. But it is the right thing. They're so new in the world, their tummies are so tiny and sucking equals comfort - I don't think a dummy is the same. The newborn stage is tough no matter how you choose to feed - I bf and after the first 10 days I got the full witching hour stuff where I was cluster feeding from 4 pm until about 9. And I totally felt I must be doing something wrong.

It settled in the end though, and it will for you too. Flowers

TumtumTree · 17/10/2021 17:19

If I was your friend I'd introduce a dummy, in case the baby just wants to suck rather than feed. But obviously it's your friend's choice!

bluebeck · 17/10/2021 17:20

Bloody hell I can't imagine how hard this must be. Mine were EBF which was so much easier.

All I can suggest is being a supportive friend, taking food for her, anything else you can do to lighten the load. This stage (like all the others) doesn't last forever. It just feels like it at the time!!

ThePoisonousMushroom · 17/10/2021 17:22

It is hard, but it’s easier than listening to a baby crying with hunger for an hour or so until the next ‘right’ time to feed them, in my experience.

HippeePrincess · 17/10/2021 17:23

Yes it’s right, and sorry yes you’re out of touch, it’s been normal for at least the last 10 years and was very much a thing when my first was newborn. This is why the perfect prep machine is so popular!

jennyt82 · 17/10/2021 17:32

I have 4 children and fed them all on demand. Three of them quickly and independently fell in to a 3-4 hour schedule but the other would scream for a bottle every hour or so then drink less than half of it, he just wanted feeding little and often!

Mynameismargot · 17/10/2021 17:43

My dd is 11 and this was a thing back then. My mil would be baffled by it. She would ask when her next feed is, I'd say when she is hungry, she'd then ask what time and I'd be Confused I don't know when she is going to be hungry next. It was the same with napping. I think things are much more child led these days rather than trying to shove them into routines that suit us.

Toastandcrumpets · 17/10/2021 17:58

It’s why I am often a bit surprised when posters are urged to consider bottle rather than breast feeding babies when struggling with sleep deprivation.

I suppose it does mean the feeds can be shared with a partner.

Sweettea1 · 17/10/2021 18:36

I fed on demand roughly every 2 hours found it easier never wasted much milk as only made what I knew she would drink so 3 ounces and she slept so much better off a night aswell.

Franca123 · 17/10/2021 18:39

Every 3hrs is sufficient. And then trying to stretch that longer at night soon assuming the baby is thriving. I've had two recently and this is what the hospital told us on discharge.

Parker231 · 17/10/2021 18:42

@Toastandcrumpets

It’s why I am often a bit surprised when posters are urged to consider bottle rather than breast feeding babies when struggling with sleep deprivation.

I suppose it does mean the feeds can be shared with a partner.

The sharing of the feeds was one of the main reasons we decided to use formula. I didn’t get sleep deprived as DH, family and friends all helped out.
Franca123 · 17/10/2021 18:42

Not keen on demand feeding. I assumed people did it because of breast milk supply? But every baby or child I know is a horrendous sleeper whereas mine have always slept great.

pointythings · 17/10/2021 18:43

@Franca123

Every 3hrs is sufficient. And then trying to stretch that longer at night soon assuming the baby is thriving. I've had two recently and this is what the hospital told us on discharge.
Wow, your hospital is fully out of touch with best practice then. NHS guidelines here, just scroll down
RedMarauder · 17/10/2021 18:48

I mixed fed.

All it meant is in the evening when DD cluster fed I could eat and go to the loo while her father was feeding her from a bottle.

Franca123 · 17/10/2021 18:48

Mine were never left screaming for an hour waiting for the next feed! If they were extra hungry, we'd feed them earlier. We're not monsters. They settle into the routine very easily at that age and you have very little crying as their needs are pre-empted. No idea why this style of baby care is so unfashionable. It's worked fantastically for us just as it did for my parents.

Franca123 · 17/10/2021 18:49

I'll take NICU nurse's advise over the NHS website any day.

pointythings · 17/10/2021 18:50

Franca so what you are saying is... that you demand fed and they settled into their own routine. Which is what most of us, whether bf of ff do anyway. Confused

Iheartbaby · 17/10/2021 18:51

@Franca123

Every 3hrs is sufficient. And then trying to stretch that longer at night soon assuming the baby is thriving. I've had two recently and this is what the hospital told us on discharge.
I did this too, it worked well for me. I think it sounds like such hard work feeding on demand.
ThatsWhatI · 17/10/2021 18:52

You really shouldn't be telling someone not to feed their baby. You crossed a line there especially as it's bad advice. Their tummies are tiny so need to be fed often

SylvanasWindrunner · 17/10/2021 18:53

In hospital, the guidance we got was 'not to go longer than three hours without a feed', not 'feed every three hours'.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 17/10/2021 18:55

Feeding on demand was what we were told to do 17 years ago so it's not new! The hassle of making up a fresh bottle when needed (making them up in advance was strictly verboten) was used as a way to prove how much better BF was.

SylvanasWindrunner · 17/10/2021 18:55

Anyway, babies are all individuals. Some prefer little and often, some do fine with more at longer intervals. That's what demand feeding is about - feeding them in the way that suits them. I never really thought about how long it had been between feeds - if she woke up and was clearly hungry then I fed her. Surely that's just what most people do anyway?

ThePoisonousMushroom · 17/10/2021 18:57

@Franca123

Not keen on demand feeding. I assumed people did it because of breast milk supply? But every baby or child I know is a horrendous sleeper whereas mine have always slept great.
What do you do if they’re hungry before the 3 hours is up though? Mine were all demand fed… first one an awful sleeper, second one an amazing sleeper, third somewhere in the middle. Don’t think their feeding methods had much bearing on their sleep.
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