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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how school residential dorms are organised

42 replies

TheLasrStraw · 17/10/2021 16:50

Secondary school DD won't be in the same dorm as her friends due to numbers not allowing it.

DD is the one that has been left out and the school haven refused to fix it by say letting one friend go in a dorm with her and swapping someone out.

It's so unfair. How come 4 girls can be with 3 friends and my DD gets to be with zero friends?

What to do?

OP posts:
MissCruellaDeVil · 17/10/2021 19:07

@prawncrackergirl
Were the same. our parents would cause chaos if they knew all their little darlings weren't with their friends 100% of the time.

YourFinestPantaloons · 17/10/2021 19:07

@MissCruellaDeVil you are mixing sexes in the dorms??!

YourFinestPantaloons · 17/10/2021 19:09

I think what you need to remember OP is that whilst I'm sure they have a lovely friendship, these close knit groups often result in pushing others out, albeit unconsciously. They're in Y7 meaning there'll be people just started struggling to make friendships and hoping for an 'in' on a residential but unable to get one because of the insular groups

Original poster
TheLasrStraw · 17/10/2021 19:40

You are all much more relaxed than me.

So, no -one would raise it with the school? Anyone?

OP posts:
Cantstopthewaves · 17/10/2021 19:47

I'd not raise it with the school.
I may secretly feel a bit sad on my dd's behalf but I'd also look to it as an opportunity for DD to expand her friendships.
This is a good opportunity.

YourFinestPantaloons · 17/10/2021 19:47

@TheLasrStraw

You are all much more relaxed than me.

So, no -one would raise it with the school? Anyone?

No

It's a chance to make new friends and get out of her comfort zone.

You need to channel Elsa and let it go. And by 'it' I mean micromanaging your DD's life

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 17/10/2021 19:48

The school may have done it deliberately...

JagerPlease · 17/10/2021 19:49

There is no way of splitting a group of 5 friends into rooms of 4 without someone being alone without their friends, either 1 of the 5 (as has happened) or another child made to go in with the 3, if they were split 3 and 2.

I wouldn't be raising something with the school if I was effectively suggesting someone else's child should be swapped instead of mine

DeepaBeesKit · 17/10/2021 20:04

There is no way of splitting a group of 5 friends into rooms of 4 without someone being alone without their friends, either 1 of the 5 (as has happened) or another child made to go in with the 3, if they were split 3 and 2.

It's this. The teacher probably put your DD in with others because they were most likely to be sociable with/gain something from friendship with a different bunch anyway - see it as a compliment.

DeepaBeesKit · 17/10/2021 20:06

And please please don't be possessive about friendship groups. It sends a signal to kids that friendships are very fixed which is unhealthy and massively exclusionary. You often see girl groups especially where the friendship is only really based on "having always been friends", often the dynamic is awful and they no longer have much in common or actually are truly good friends to each other.

clockover · 17/10/2021 20:09

@TheLasrStraw

You are all much more relaxed than me.

So, no -one would raise it with the school? Anyone?

It's a residential trip with school, not a holiday. It's fine for them to be missing with people they wouldn't ordinarily spend time with, I mean it's part of the point.

clockover · 17/10/2021 20:10

Mixing not missing ^ Blush

icedcoffees · 17/10/2021 20:16

@JagerPlease

There is no way of splitting a group of 5 friends into rooms of 4 without someone being alone without their friends, either 1 of the 5 (as has happened) or another child made to go in with the 3, if they were split 3 and 2.

I wouldn't be raising something with the school if I was effectively suggesting someone else's child should be swapped instead of mine

Exactly. You can't arrange it so nobody misses out.
icedcoffees · 17/10/2021 20:17

@TheLasrStraw

You are all much more relaxed than me.

So, no -one would raise it with the school? Anyone?

No.

Read a PP"s post - it's impossible to split a group of five into dorms of four without someone from either that friendship group or another friendship group ending up alone.

MissCruellaDeVil · 17/10/2021 20:55

@YourFinestPantaloons
No not at all, sorry that was poorly worded, I meant a dorm where they are all friends.

Kite22 · 17/10/2021 21:03

@TheLasrStraw

You are all much more relaxed than me.

So, no -one would raise it with the school? Anyone?

No
SheWoreYellow · 18/10/2021 14:40

@TheLasrStraw

You are all much more relaxed than me.

So, no -one would raise it with the school? Anyone?

I would, one very polite, quick email asking if they were aware they’d been placed with no friends.
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