He’s just not that into me, is he?

[Hesjustnotthstintomecom]

I met a man six months ago. He was lovely and ambitious and everything I want in a man. We went on a couple of dates and everything seemed to be going well, and then he went silent. He told me he was not answering messages for a while and sort of went cold when I tried to initiate conversation. He says he’s not replying to anyone, not just me.

But then he got in touch to admit he is an alcoholic and is currently in the process of getting help. Which is why he’s quiet. He says it’s nothing to do with not liking me, but he doesn’t really know what he wants.

He also said I could ring him if I needed him, but he wouldn’t be answering texts.

I’ve just left him to it but am wondering whether I should remain in touch and try to explain that I’m here to talk, having mental health issues myself (though no experience of alcoholism, I don’t really drink except for the occasional, max twice a month one drink).

So do I hold out?

Or do I just rationalise and realise he’s just not that into me?

I’ve just left him to it but am wondering whether I should remain in touch and try to explain that I’m here to talk,

^

You're not a charity, don't act like one

As per pp, please research co-dependency and get some therapy.

The fact you're willing to cling onto a possible relationship with an alcoholic you don't really know and you've said yourself that you try to save people suggests that you would really benefit from working on yourself before getting into a relationship.

As kind as it seems to want to help others, you need to save yourself first and recognise your worth before entering into another potentially damaging relationship. Learn how to meet your own needs before trying to meet others.

Sorry, if that sounded harsh, it was meant with the absolute best intentions for you

@belimoo

As per pp, please research co-dependency and get some therapy.

The fact you're willing to cling onto a possible relationship with an alcoholic you don't really know and you've said yourself that you try to save people suggests that you would really benefit from working on yourself before getting into a relationship.

As kind as it seems to want to help others, you need to save yourself first and recognise your worth before entering into another potentially damaging relationship. Learn how to meet your own needs before trying to meet others.

THIS ^^^^^

Please don't contact him and work on why you have this need to save someone you don't even know and who will definitely not be good for your own mental health.

@belimoo

As per pp, please research co-dependency and get some therapy.

The fact you're willing to cling onto a possible relationship with an alcoholic you don't really know and you've said yourself that you try to save people suggests that you would really benefit from working on yourself before getting into a relationship.

As kind as it seems to want to help others, you need to save yourself first and recognise your worth before entering into another potentially damaging relationship. Learn how to meet your own needs before trying to meet others.

THIS ^^^^^

Please don't contact him and work on why you have this need to save someone you don't even know and who will definitely not be good for your own mental health.

@belimoo

As per pp, please research co-dependency and get some therapy.

The fact you're willing to cling onto a possible relationship with an alcoholic you don't really know and you've said yourself that you try to save people suggests that you would really benefit from working on yourself before getting into a relationship.

As kind as it seems to want to help others, you need to save yourself first and recognise your worth before entering into another potentially damaging relationship. Learn how to meet your own needs before trying to meet others.

THIS ^^^^^

Please don't contact him and work on why you have this need to save someone you don't even know and who will definitely not be good for your own mental health.

@belimoo

As per pp, please research co-dependency and get some therapy.

The fact you're willing to cling onto a possible relationship with an alcoholic you don't really know and you've said yourself that you try to save people suggests that you would really benefit from working on yourself before getting into a relationship.

As kind as it seems to want to help others, you need to save yourself first and recognise your worth before entering into another potentially damaging relationship. Learn how to meet your own needs before trying to meet others.

THIS ^^^^^

Please don't contact him and work on why you have this need to save someone you don't even know and who will definitely not be good for your own mental health.

though no experience of alcoholism,

Unfortunately that is obvious. Those of us who do would advise you to leave well alone. It never ends well. Don't get in touch with him ever again. Do yourself a favour, and delete and block, forget him and move on.

Another one saying you’re right to stop this now. And definitely take a bit of time to explore any destructive relationship habits you may have. Only he can save himself.

Its not advisable for someone in recent recovery to start a relationship. He's told you that he's an alcoholic and it's a decent heads-up. It's a pretty healthy approach he's taking as well, telling you and not pursuing a relationship.

If he's in recovery and looking for someone 'help' aka be dependent on for recovery - this is unhealthy for both him and the rescuer. He will need his friends, but not someone to be dependent on - recovery is something he ultimately needs to do alone. If you're looking to make yourself a helper and be someone to be depended on, maybe ask yourself why? How would you feel if you offer and support him through recovery as a friend when he is well enough to start a relationship - with someone else?
Walk away.

www.healthline.com/health/savior-complex

Have a look at this and see if anything resonates. You would have to be crazy to get involved with this guy.