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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he doesn't treat her well?

8 replies

CockatooDoodleOooh · 17/10/2021 15:30

Family member, Sonia, has recently been treated for cancer and got the all clear, which is great! The treatment has left her with pain when walking more than a few yards, breathlessness and tiredness.

When she was going through gruelling treatment, her H did nothing for her. He didn't even make her tea, tidy up, nothing. He works full time but is that the point?

I spent time with them lately and despite Sonia struggling to walk and in lots of pain, he didn't once help her along by linking her or letting her bear her weight on him or even going to get the car which was parked a considerable distance away. After a long day of walking, he asked Sonia to make him a drink. She had been in pain all day, for fucks sake and she had just sat down! I told him to make his own and he had a face on with me. He doesn't seem to like me anyway because I confront his behaviour.

Sonia thinks it's all just his way but I think he's a fucking arsehole and she deserves a million times better. AIBU?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 17/10/2021 15:31

Yanbu but Sonia needs to realise it for herself

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 17/10/2021 15:32

You’re absolutely right. He’s an arsehole.

But as pp said, if she doesn’t see it there’s not a lot you can do.

BrilliantBulb · 17/10/2021 15:45

Well done for pulling him up on it. Is it worth talking to him quietly and briefly about how he needs to realise things are different now? He might hate you for it but if you can cope with for her sake then it could be worth it.

RainbowBriteUk · 17/10/2021 16:02

@brilliantbulb if I did that he'd go straight to her to tell her I'd had a go at him and she'd be furious with me.

RainbowBriteUk · 17/10/2021 16:04

It was the same a while ago when he told her to run him a bath. That was just after her treatment and I was there. I told him that it should be him running her a bath after all she'd been through and he looked at me with pure hatred.

RainbowBriteUk · 17/10/2021 16:06

When she was struggling to walk I suggested out loud that he go to get the car while we waited, but he didn't. He'd rather she walk in pain than him walk alone to get the car. He's awful. He literally doesn't acknowledge me because I call him out which isn't fun.

RainbowBriteUk · 17/10/2021 16:07

Name change fail!

lughnasadh · 17/10/2021 16:08

Well that's their dynamic.

Some couples actually hate each other, but are trapped by finances/religion/abuse/other stuff you may not know about.

Leave them to it, unless one of them wants to leave, and you can help them.

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