To find my mum 'helping' so annoying!

[gotsthehots]

I've always had a tricky relationship with my mum. She's always doing three hundred things at once and I can't cope with it!

DS (8 months) is going to nursery and when I go back to work, he'll have to stay until 5 on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. She thinks this is shocking and wants to pick him up at 2.30, pick my niece up at school at 3, drive her to gymnastics and meet me halfway between the gym and my work (which is on a busy road, at rush hour!).

We had a rough patch over washing for similar reasons... she was desperate to do it for us to help out, but I ended up carrying dirty laundry around and it was more hassle than it was worth.

She is furious with me for saying no, but I genuinely can't cope with that plan!

You've got to buck up and be an adult now, not just your mother's child. Her being furious is not your problem, nor did you cause this. She did, and she will have to deal with the consequences. I highly suggest you distance yourself from her each and every time she tries to control you. Send a crystal clear message that you will not tolerate this.

She sounds exactly like my DM. It’s become easier now that I’ve learned to be more assertive in saying no. The difference is that she doesn’t become furious when I say no to her, but she just never stops her attempts at micro managing us. Sometimes she’ll turn on the ‘waterworks’ as well.

She’s 82 now, so I don’t think she’ll change now. People don’t really change at any age, so I suspect the same will be true of your mum.