To be generally fuming at dp?

[Indith]

He has had:

A week away for work on one of those team building things where they get to do loads of cool stuff.
Followed by a four day week at work, one of those days he worked from home.
A mate round on Thursday night.
Then a jolly on Friday to go over to Manchester for work Christmas night out via Christmas shopping and lunch with his mum.
He spent the night in Manchester and got back late Saturday afternoon, then went out in the evening.
This morning when ds decided that morning was 6.45 he made me get him up.

And he has the nerve to complain of being tired/having had a hard week etc when:

I spent his week away playing at being a single mum to a very ill baby who spent most of the week screaming at me while I skipped lectures to take him to the Dr/pick him up early from creche because he was grumpy all the while also trying to play catch up after missing an entire week of lectures previously because ds had had conjunctivitis and couldn't go to creche.
On the wednesday when dp was workiong from home I was nursing a bad headache and was going to take advantage of having the car for once to go to Rainbows only to find that some scumbag had vandalised the wing mirror so had to run all the way there as I had the keys to open up.
Plodded to full days of lectures while nursing constant headache.
Merrily waved dp off with assurances that he wouldn't be late back at all on Saturday.
Headache/cold turned into really bad attack of sinusitis. Spend saturday in hell entertaining ds waiting for dp to materialise
Get up early this morning even though I am ill because dear darling dp doesn't feel very rested after 2 nights out in a row.
And right now I am trying to finish this sodding essay that has to be in tomorrow because the world in general seems to have conspired against my ever having the chance to do it.

I would dearly love to kill him.

Well why on earth did you get up? Get your inconsiderate dp to do it instead!

Wow, you must be exhausted.

I have a strange malady where I simply cannot hear my children's voices between the hours of 2am and 8am.

That's 'Daddy time'.

He had stolen the duvet.

I couldn't be arsed to fight.

The paracetamol was downstairs anyway.

Don't waste the spleen here! Sounds like a frank exchange of views is long overdue.

I need to catch that one off you Humphrey.

It is very contagious, Indith.
You can catch it just by being on the same thread as someone who has it.

Hmmm, yes, I give you full permission to be fuming! But does he realise what a cr*p week you've had, and how tired you are? I know it doesn't seem fair that you have to spell it out in words of one syllable, but sometimes our dps just don't get it unless we do.

If you're groaning at this point, just get REALLY mad and yell. He needs to realise you need a break too.

i feel for you men hey!

I need to yell but just end up crying instead

Stress is not good. I must finish this darn essay for tomorrow. That would be a good plan. Then I have a week to sort out the house. I have been on housework strike in the run up to end of term and it is a shit tip which just adds to stress really. Christmas cards need doing, the gap in the window frame in this room needs sorting out so I stop having to wear several jumpers and gloves when doing work (have been on at dp for ages) and then the Christmas onslaught will begin. Have various people in our house from the 18th til boxing day. Have already told the middle lot to bring their own bedding as even I can't wash and dry bedding when the second lot of guests are arriving before the first leave!

I dunno. YANBU to be pissed off, but not sure you should be pissed off at your DP. It isn't him that makes the rules that being a low income mum means you must forsake a huge amount emotionally, while the breadwinner has to work hard, but also has the benefit of a diverse life (in comparison) and also that their needs become before yours!

I get pissed off an awful lot about this, but think I probably shouldn't take it out on DP so often - more lobby for change in familt policy...which might help the divorce rate, who knows...

TIs not so much that Monkey as the fact that he knows how hard end of term is with deadlines, I always made sure I spend whole days out with ds last year to let him work hard at his finals. I know he is working and can't do that during the week but I need him to just spend the last couple of weeks of term concentrating on me so I can do my finals! Just doing housework in the evenings so I can work and know I won't be faced with it the next day and end up doing it while ds naps instead of working, coming home at lunchtime on Saturday instead of 5pm so I could have done work in the afternoon.

Oh well almost over for the term. Just another 2 to go.

I think you need to him write a (long) list of job he must complete before christmas or santa will not be coming.

I would also remind him that you took DS out so he could do his finals and you expect the same from him.

Best is to try and talk to him without any emotion - i.e. don't complain/whine/cry - simply state the case.

"Look, it's Christmas soon and there are lots of things that need to be done that haven't yet been done by either of us. I'll do xxxx, will you do xxx?"

Then plan when the things are going to be done, and make sure that they are done. Remind if necessary, but don't nag.

Similarly, if he tries the staying in bed trick, take him up a cup of tea/coffee (so you're being nice as well!), wake him up and say

"I'm downstairs in the office/living room/wherever writing my essay. Shall I bring ds into you now, or will you come downstairs with him?" i.e. the answer to either of those questions means that he is in charge of ds.

Good luck - you really do need to get this sorted out!

DP is just like this i make him feel really guilty saying to ds leave daddy in there he doesn't want to have breakfast with us he doesn't care that you want a cuddle with him ect it usally gets him up

Ho hum, he may be part way to forgiven, when i came down for bed last night he had washed up, cleaned a bit and put the big pile of clean washing and nappies away.

Good, but still let him know how you were feeling, otherwise it will keep on happening.