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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to give this woman a lift home once a month...

52 replies

WeThreeQueens · 09/12/2007 18:53

Actually, I think I probably am, but anyway...

I am a SAHM, and once a month I get to go out in the evening to my bookclub, which I LOVE (I do of course go out on other occasions too, but this is my one regular evening out which I would not miss for the world).
Anyway, I love everything about it, from getting ready to go out, to the actual meeting and chatting and eating...but what I also really like is the driving there and back ON MY OWN. I like having my music on really loud, singing along at the top of my voice. It's something I just don't really get to do in the course of my usual days / weeks etc.
Anyway, recently we had a very nice new woman join our group and it turns out she lives about 2 mins away from me... so as we were chatting, she asked me if I could give her a lift home (she'd come by train), and I of course said yes.
Now she expects a lift every month, and there is of course no reason for me not to give her one, in fact it would be stupid not to as I literally have to drive past her house...BUT.... I am really beginning to resent her taking my "me-drive-time" away, which feels so pathetic and petty
It's got to the point where I'm hoping she won't be able to make it to a meeting.
Am I just a horrible person? It's certainly not very festive is it?
Oh, I abu, I know it....but what can I do? [pathetic anguished wail]

OP posts:
Original poster
WeThreeQueens · 10/12/2007 13:16

I knew it, I'm a unreasonable old cow...

@ AIWBFC: Well, she actually leaves her car parked at the station, so I drop her there and then she drives the 1min or so to her own house. So if she was getting the train, she wouldn't be walking home alone at night.

And I don't think we're going to become real friends - she's ever so nice, but we really struggle to find things to talk about and usually fall back on talking about the kids. Again, this would normally be fine, but this is the one evening in the month where I get to be just me, not "Mum", and talk about what we've read, what I think of it etc ie no mummytalk!
And then after the meeting, I just want to drive home thinking about what we've discussed, singing my heart out and feeling totally recharged, rather than trying to make polite small talk...

To be honest, I'm not going to stop giving her a lift, I'm not that mean...but I really do resent doing it and giving up even a bit of my "me" time!

OP posts:
charliecat · 10/12/2007 13:23

whys doesnt she drive to the book place if her cars at the station?

bertieboo · 10/12/2007 13:24

why doesnt she drive herself if she drives to the station?
YANBU

bertieboo · 10/12/2007 13:24

LOL charliecat. great minds....

Desiderata · 10/12/2007 13:27

I have an image of you, WTQ, head banging in your car to the strains of Bohemian Rhapsody, a la Wayne's World

VVVExcitedAboutChristmasQV · 10/12/2007 13:27

Ummm - why doesnt she drive?

I'd say YABU if she didnt drive at all or didnt have a car, but, if she's driving to the station ffs? Perhaps you could share lifts - she do one month and you do the next.

In any case I'd say - next time you give her a lift - do as you'd do if you were on your own - play music loud and sing at the top of your voice. She'll either join in and you'll both enjoy it, or, she'll think you are a freaky weirdo and decline future offers of a lift

ruddynorah · 10/12/2007 13:28

find other reasons to go out, other groups or classes then you won't resent her spoiling this once a month time. personally i go out to work 4 evenings a week so have the joy of a half hour drive there and back with my music blaring.

VVVExcitedAboutChristmasQV · 10/12/2007 13:30

oh yes - any Queen music good to sing along to in the car. Along with Kate Nash, Take That, Abba, some of Madonna's older stuff.

Hmmm lemme see....what else could put her off......

Ooooh JAMES BLUNT!!!!!

SquonkaClaus · 10/12/2007 13:32

or... you could get the train together and call in at the pub on the way back

Original poster
WeThreeQueens · 10/12/2007 13:33

Don't know actually, hadn't thought to ask. I guess the price of parking in town is too high.

Oh I'm feeling so mean and unChristmassy to be feeling so resentful

OP posts:
VVVExcitedAboutChristmasQV · 10/12/2007 13:35

Hmmm - but it's okay for you to foot the bill for parking and petrol?

allIWannaBeForChristmas · 10/12/2007 13:40

ah, well if she drives to the station then why can't she just drive the whole way.

yanbu then.

tbh I do think asking for a lift is really a bit of a cheak, although maybe that's just me? I go to PTA meeting once a month and a friend has offered me a lift to/from. I really, really appreciate it as I don't want to walk home alone in the dark, but if she didn't offer I would never think to ask.

HowTheGibbonStoleChristmas · 10/12/2007 13:42

I really get the music in the car thing.
On the rare occasion DD isn't with me I play The Cure full blast and feel 17 again.

But - would still give a lift as that's me.

Maybe she goes to BC straight from work? If it is just a case of not being arsed to drive herself, or not wanting to pay for parking, well that's another matter.

Kathyate6mincepies · 10/12/2007 13:44

Is she trying to be Environmentally Friendly and Carbon Conscious and all that stuff?
In which case, she should be offering you a lift, or suggesting that you take turns.

allIWannaBeForChristmas · 10/12/2007 13:49

start singing to

this?

ruddynorah · 10/12/2007 13:50

hang on she leaves her car at the station?

you should take turns then. next time ask her if she can give you a lift as your dh or whoever needs your car that night.

allIWannaBeForChristmas · 10/12/2007 13:51

or

this

mimi03 · 10/12/2007 14:54

im really mean when it comes to this kind of thing.......if i dont want to do something like this then i wont- simple.
id make an excuse, god im mean arent i? shes not your responsibility and i think for her to assume you will give her a lift is a bit off.................your obviously all a lot nicer people than i am!

madamez · 10/12/2007 17:59

She is, presumably, an able-bodied adult. She's not your responsibility and if you don't want to give her a lift, make an excuse (no need to be offensive) - you are not going straight home but going on somewhere else in the opposite direction/you're not bringing the car this month/you will be leaving early/whatever. She won't die from having to arrange her own transport, after all.

mumeeee · 10/12/2007 18:03

yabu

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 10/12/2007 18:04

Does she work and therefore had left her car at the station in the morning?

TroutSprout · 10/12/2007 18:04

No yanbu to not want to (jeez, i don't want to do a lot of things) ...but you will won't you..because you are a good person

ProjectIcarus · 10/12/2007 18:07

Just tell her why you don't want to. And stop giving her a lift.

(or offer to drop her at the station near the bookclub as a compromise.)

Original poster
WeThreeQueens · 10/12/2007 20:35

I don't think I can tell her I don't want to give her a lift because I want to enjoy every last bit of "me time" by singing very loud in the car on the way home, she'd probably think I was was completely off my rocker

And I'm not interested in sharing lifts with her, I just want my drivetime back [stamps foot]!

mimi03 - but how would you get out of it? I certainly don't mind if it's only occasionally, but it seems to have turned into a regular thing and she just expects me to give her a lift. I don't think I can pretend to be going on somewhere else - we finish pretty late and she knows I've got to get back to my ds as he's still occasionally waking in the night for a bf.

aiwbfc - actually, that second one is something I do occasionally wail sing along to

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 10/12/2007 21:26

I can completely understand how valuable time alone is after hectic life with children all the time. I cherish chipping off to my monthly tutorials leaving my two DCs with my mum for the day. The drive there and back is serenity for me even if the worst opportunistic London driver behaves badly around me.

But having said that, I guess if someone would like a life, it's wee bit mean to say no. But then again, why isn't she driving herself? You need to find out!