Aibu to feel guilty??

[Misskittyfantastico85]

My DD is in year 8 at school, due to covid, she hasn't been on a school trip since year 5. Her current secondary school has just let us know they are doing a trips week for the whole school in June. She came home with a booklet of trips ranging from £650 for a whole week in Rome, to completely free for things like a day out doing beach photography or a day spent in school making clay pots. There were loads in between as well. There were around 60 trips to choose from all varying in price and she had to choose 3 trips for each day of the week in ranking order of how much she wanted to do them. All trips are very loosely based on a school subject.

After a thorough look through of the booklet, my DH and I told her that we had a budget in mind, and that unfortunately the Rome trip, Barcelona trip and euro Disney were off the table, but that we would let her choose any of the others and let her know whether or not they were in her budget.

So for mon-wed she chose a residential activity camping trip, a ski slope trip for Thursday and a ninja warrior place for the Friday. This all came to £320 which was within our budget of £400.

For her second and third choices she chose things like a day at school in a bake off challenge, a cooking session at school where they cook for and serve food to parents (if the parents want to go in) she also chose Harry Potter World and a Mexican restaurant and bowling. So of she doesn't get her first choices, she's still within our budget.

I absolutely understand that money is tight for people at the moment, but the level of abuse the school is receiving fir this trips week is unreal. Parents are up in arms that the cost is too high, or 'if I wanted my dd to have a week off school I should be allowed to take her' some parents are saying the free trips are crap and now they've got a tantruming child on their hands because the school has been so inconsiderate.

One mum called me last night to say how up in arms she was and that her and a few others are going into school to protest, there are already over 100 moany posts on the school Facebook group.

I was so excited for my dd and she is excited and now we've both been made to feel terrible because we're not screaming about the injustice of it all.

Seeing all the hate towards the school makes me feel really uncomfortable because were actually really excited. (I'm excited for her) aibu to feel this way

@Twizbe yes I suppose you're right.

They did this when I was at school 25 years ago . Got cancelled in my last year as parents would just put in holiday forms and take their children out . The free trips are crap and the interesting ones are always too expensive. Maybe a day trip to a theme park is ok but £400 on school trips is ridiculous

@TheAverageUser

I don't think this is a good approach at all. It's a really visual way of letting teenagers know who has money and who doesn't.

It would be quite naive to think that teenagers are not aware of it otherwise.

I never did the abroad trips at school only the 1 day uk trips and the religious uk residential week... we couldn't afford them.... I dont think it has affected me and I havent held it against my parents, they did the best they could do for me with the money they had available

We also had actitivites week...I barely remember what I did apart from it was a bit of a doss fun week with doing something different.

I am with you op and I like your approach with your dc. it seems the school have offered a well balanced set of activities to cater for all types and as someone said above it's a good life skill for kids to realise they cant have everything and maybe help work towards the more expensive things.... there will always be someone who has something you cant have for one reason or another.

The poor teachers who spent their extra time (cause it wont have been during lesson or marking time) to organise all this to basically get kicked in the stomach for trying to do something exciting for the kids

Surely one affordable trip??
If yourparents have money you can go skiing, if not we're popping to asda for a picnic! Some posters on here are clueless.

Op get a reality check!!!

@Sometimeswinning

Surely one affordable trip?? If yourparents have money you can go skiing, if not we're popping to asda for a picnic! Some posters on here are clueless.

Op get a reality check!!!

There are lots of £20, £30 & £40 options. Science museum, local zoo, London theatre trip (lion King or woman in black) so I don't think there's any unaffordable trips.

Ours do similar, activities week. Choices range from watersports abroad to days at local beach. Never heard anyone moan just appreciate of the work involved

The free trips sound ACE

Residential opportunities go down well with parents when they're looking at choosing schools - especially the better-off parents whose kids will probably produce good exam results (sometimes because their parents pay for tutors). Teachers rarely want to give up their holidays to run them. The school could just run the residentials (or just the more curriculum-related ones) and the rest of the kids stay in school having normal lessons (with cover teachers some of the time because of the teachers out of school). Is that what these parents would prefer?

I used to run a school activities week. Some of the free/nearly-free activities were excellent - and sometimes things you wouldn't normally get to do - a decent length cricket game, put on a show in three days, lace-making, fishing (they ran an early day - most of the kids were ones who already fished, but the teacher taught them lots of stuff, so they were still gaining), etc.

There should be help available for those entitled to free meals. The biggest problem is those just above that, who might not be able to run to any of the coach trips. There would be much to be said for having a fund that ensured everyone could do something paid-for.

YANBU OP, the options sounds great, and the budget rant is fine, it is not as of they were offering a NY trip for £1000s.

My secondary school did similar. It was called ‘activities week’.
I hated it because I always wanted the trips abroad but never wanted to ask my parents because I didn’t want to stress them out.

I do think things like this needs to be handled well to avoid separating the have from have nots. Is there financial help for families in low income to help pay for bigger trips? I’d like to know what the children in care are going to also.

It’d be nice if the school offered for parents to use the week for a family holiday too. That way if parents wanted to do a term t8me holiday they could.

Sounds to me like too many options. I couldn't cope with 60 different things. A few in each category might be better.
Also about the more expensive trips. My dd really wanted to go on one . They knew a year in advance. She saved up every cent of her pocket money/ birthday money etc until she had it. It taught her so much about setting a goal.
My ds couldn't be bothered as he had no interest in the expensive trip but really wanted to get a place on the outdoor pursuits one which was a reasonable price.
This week my niece heard about a possible trip next June so she immediately set about finding a job so could save. She is determined to go. So it is not always a status thing.

I was a teacher in a school that did pretty much exactly this every year for activities week in the summer term. I never noticed kids being mean about who had chosen what/ who was and wasn't doing the expensive trips. The kids perceived it as people choosing their interests. They must have been some being snobbish I suppose but it was never overt and would have been clamped down on by staff. There were so many choices kids genuinely could choose things they really liked and valued if they weren't involved in the expensive foreign trips.

Teachers had to sign up for which activities we wanted to help with and I always signed up for the free ones and truly the kids had a great time. Often they would choose the same ones again in y7, 8 and 9 because they liked it so much. It was done in a lovely way.

Someone said upthread that schools get slated whatever they do- sadly so true.

Regarding children in care- there is always subsidy in the system for them to be funded to go on trips. They actually get more chances to go on more trips (and I agree with that). Also these days schools use some of their pupil
Premium to subsidise lower income families sending kids on paid for trips. Also a lot of trips these days are "recommended voluntary contribution" and schools don't demand the money.

There are lots of £20, £30 & £40 options. Science museum, local zoo, London theatre trip (lion King or woman in black) so I don't think there's any unaffordable trips.

So, genuinely, if these trips are good enough (I agree, they are fantastic) why are they not enough? I can understand why the families are annoyed. I'm surprised you can't. Why are school putting out trips which only a small amount can access and the lower cost ones can be accessed by the majority. I would, like you, budget and take advantage of the opportunity but I would atleast have the decency to understand why other parents would find this difficult and would complain.

Our school did this in 1982. They were called special days. We did t shirt painting, sailing and youth hostelling...but there was also dj-ing skills, pottery and cooking. It was fantastic to learn something different.
I get that not everyone can afford the expensive things but these trips at school are common.

But £20 and £30 and £40 trips are unaffordable for a lot of people. Especially x that by 5 days.

Dc's school do this 'activity week' thing except its usually two or three days. Not that they have run it since Covid.

I have a total £40 budget per child.

I do see how it is unfair for a lot of people. I know its hard for kids who see others getting more. We are in the less category and my dc will moan it is not fair. But there are people with more and people with less and its always been this way.

I think the complaining on SM seems to got a bit out if hand in your situation. Personally a private message to the school is more appropriate if there is an issue with the choices and system.

As another poster said maybe you need to post or email the school something to the contrary and be positive.

I think it sounds fantastic! As others have said, residential trips have always been a ‘thing’ so some would probably go ahead anyway and if the other activities weren’t offered then all of the other kids would simply miss out. This way everybody gets to have a fun week whether on trips abroad or doing a new fun activity in school. And yes, I know some kids live in total poverty but I would be very surprised if there are many whose parents can’t save up £20 in the next few months so that the child can do at least one out of school visit that week, to the zoo or whatever. Plus there will be a fund for those who are really hard up if their parents are willing to ask about it.

As for children in care, I’m a foster carer and generally speaking trips aren’t paid for by school as it’s meant to come out of the money you get paid. The children get a pupil premium so the school is meant to use that for the individual child (music tuition, 1:1 support, specialist equipment etc) so if there is any money left over it sometimes is used on trips. In June my 13 year old went on an overnight residential paid for by the school, but I would have been happy to pay if the school had not. If I got this booklet for both my two I would be thrilled they were getting these experiences and like the OP I would set a budget for them to stick to and help them choose things I thought they would enjoy. And at my next team meeting I would probably be singing the school’s praises for providing such fantastic opportunities.

Great to hear that children in care are able to access a range of trips too. I always worry about how th8ngs like that are managed.

How ridiculous.

Children who can afford to go on these trips should have the option to if the school are willing; they shouldn’t have to be held back because others can’t afford it.

i can understand the frustration and perspectives from both sides, for me when i had the option i was very fortunate to have assistance with funding for some of the residential trips i went on and very grateful for the experiences even if one nearly gave me an injury.

Children who can afford to go on these trips should have the option to if the school are willing; they shouldn’t have to be held back because others can’t afford it.

Absolutely! Why should poor families stand in the way of those who can afford it??

If it wasn't for schools these children from wealthier families may never get the chance to have these wonderful experiences!!

FFS, schools can't do right for doing wrong sometimes.

If there were no free or affordable options, people would have a point, but surely we're not going to go down the route of saying that state schools can never offer overseas trips because there will always be some kids that can't afford them?

I'd love to see pupil premium being used effectively to subsidise this kind of activity for kids from lower income households, so that all kids would have a chance, but even if everyone could theoretically afford the trips, you'd still get some wealthier parents who would choose to prioritise other things. But to stop some kids from going simply because others can't afford it is just ridiculous. Kids at secondary school are old enough to understand that different families have different amounts of disposable income.

When I was a teenager, my school offered a couple of expensive trips that my parents couldn't afford, so I didn't go. It wasn't a major trauma, just a fact of life. I accepted it in the same way that I accepted the fact that we didn't have fancy overseas holidays every year.

I'm all for kids from all backgrounds having equal opportunities and I'd love to see greater funding for the most disadvantaged, but the solution to inequality really isn't to deny opportunities to all children.

I have a few issues with this-

• if the day trips are curriculum trips, the school can only ask for voluntary contributions from parents.

• how can it possibly be justifiable to take the rich children to Rome but not the children whose families are struggling during term time? This is at odds with the very concept of a comprehensive education.

Has the school invited parents to contact them confidentially to discuss the trips if they may not be able to afford them?