Sorry for the long thread and thank you in advance to any one who replies. So I am 40, first child who is 3 and a half months old. When I fell pregnant Dad wanted me to have an abortion and relations went sour as I felt he was trying to edge me into an abortion (claiming I ruined his life, he was going to have to see a doctor as he was now depressed and intimated he would harm himself. I kept trying to talk and acknowledged it must be hard to have such a big decision made by me that impacted him so much, but was clear it is my body. I was far from perfect in my words. I was alone for the entire pregnancy and gave birth alone (parents older and could not step in and my sister lives abroad and covid restrictions meant she could not travel easily). When baby was born I contacted Dad, and asked if he wanted to meet his son. He said yes. I notified him when I got home but he could not come that day as he woke up and got high (I should note at this point he grows and smokes cannabis in high quantities to my knowledge what he grows is all for personal use). He met is son, fell in love and changed his mind and I want(ed) him to have a relationship with his son. I put him o nthe birth certificate and let him stay at my home (drug, smoke and alcohol free) so he could develop a bond. It was hard, as I felt so hurt by his rejection of us through the pregnancy but swallowed my pride as it is about my son, not me. Dad continued drug use (would go to his place daily). I tried to explain on numerous occasions the implications for us both if was arrested. I had sought legal advice before baby was born and my solicitor noted as I know about the drug use, I would be held accountable if god forbid, anything happened (e.g. visit at Dad's). I tried to ask Dad to stop growing cannabis as it is not safe for a baby to be around (regardless of the legality) and also as we could both end up with social services involved. This fell on deaf ears over and over again and resulted in Dad reverting back to what I felt is unpleasant behaviour and gaslighting me by accusing me of tricking him into getting me pregnant, of being a liar, of then using private family matters I had previously confided in against me in arguments. End result, I asked him to move out after 3 months and we agreed on daily contact NOT at his flat due to the drugs. He then proceeded to take our son there anyway, lied to me twice about stopping growing drugs and proceeded to verbally abuse me. Added to this he will take no direction on parenting (e.g. I notify him in advance of plans so he can have a say, involve him in health side of things such as jabs, nursery and so on). Dad will barely speak to me and when I drop off our son will try to snatch pram so I cannot say goodbye and will not want to disclose plans. I get when baby is older things would be different but as he is so young, resides with me and has had a few health problems and I share everything, his secretive nature worries me. Our son has had a few hospital trips due to stomach problems and is on special milk, I am trying to breastfeed again to help his tummy -I had a real rocky first few weeks with dad trying to stop me feeding as he felt baby was eating too much and I had to get midwife involved - it was distressing. He also contracted a nasty bug and had to have penicillin so I am a little more anxious maybe. I have now stopped contact and said he must go through a legal route to agree contact - this is so he can understand I am not being unreasonable am trying to ensure the safety of his son. I want him to have contact, I want our son to grow up happy and safe but I feel his dad is not taking parenting seriously and thinks he can do as he pleases. As we have no relationship during the pregnancy I need him to build up trust with me. His parents have now verbally abused my 71 year old dad in the streets over the situation. They are aware he grows and takes drugs. I know I knew this when I chose to keep our baby but I have tried to do everything to mitigate this and be reasonable whilst keeping our son safe no matter what. Dad now feels the victim and is bad mouthing me. I am worried to go out in case I get verbally abused and I feel dejected and worried for our son. Am I being a total cow on this? I just want our son to be happy with us both but feel my hand has been forced as I cannot get his dad to ever listen to me on parenting, safety, drugs, contact or indeed anything at all. He insists he knows best and I am being difficult and he would never let our son gain access to his cannabis. I am sorry there is a lot to unpick, but I feel isolated and worried to leave my own home with our son. Am I doing the right thing or should I try for mediation or let dad make the approach? Again, I am far from perfect and I am not trying to win an argument I just want baby safe and happy. Thanks for reading