DH told me to sort my moods out?!

[Crapoldwardrobe]

I’m currently bit unwell and waiting results PCR test.
We have two children and they are going through their preteen ( v annoying phase)
They’re constantly acting up, being rude etc and parenting is quite hard work
Anyway, I made lunch and as predicted boys start mucking about etc so my husband starts telling them off
We gotten ourselves in a habit of nagging and constantly pointing their behaviour out and mealtimes are a chore at best of times
I asked my husband to just leave it as we do not need to keep repeating ourselves constantly etc
Anyway he carries on, the boys take no notice and at one point I shout to my husband look I’m ill I just wanted to enjoy the lunch I cooked and I left the kitchen in a bit of a humf.
He now been texting me I need to sort my moods out, it’s hard living with me like this etc
He can’t see his own moody behaviour, he’s always grumpy but it’s always my fault somehow I’m the moody one
I am moody as premenopausal but surely the fact I’m not well atm is a bit of an excuse
Am I that unreasonable?

How about 'you first, mate'?!

So you didn’t want to get your children to behave themselves? Sounds like you have lots of excuses for your moods tbh

You don't get to shout at your husband and not expect to get pulled up on it. Maybe he's got a point

How much easier would life be without him ?

It does sound like you need to sort your moods out to be fair.

You might be premenopausal and you might be unwell but that doesn't mean he shouldn't parent the children because it makes you grumpy.

I wouldn't challenge him in front of the kids either.

It sounds like you need to sit down and talk properly.

If you are testing for Covid surely you should isolating in your room. Children behaving badly at meal times should be made to leave the table. Let your DH cook the next meals.

One of the things I do in my spare time involves teaching a skill. The way it’s taught is you can only pick up the person on one mistake at a time - you explain why this is a mistake and what they need to do etc

I think parenting is similar

If you’ve said to the child please sit down and eat your food, once they’re doing that you don’t nit pick other things. You don’t say “eat that specific food” or “hold your fork like this”. Save things for another time. Stops meal times being hellish.

My dad is awful for picking up unimportant thing at the dinner table - and they’re not his kids they’re mine!

We gotten ourselves in a habit of nagging and constantly pointing their behaviour out…
I asked my husband to just leave it as we do not need to keep repeating ourselves constantly etc…Anyway he carries on, the boys take no notice and at one point I shout to my husband

It sounds like you both decided how to discipline (nagging)
He continues as that’s what you both do.
You then decided actually you don’t want to discipline that way and shouted at him.

Nagging is obviously not working. You need to be a team and stick to it. First warning. Second warning. Lose privileges.

There’s no excuse for being moody, accept it, apologise and move on. You can’t just blame something else and act like you haven’t done anything. Have a chat, decide how discipline will work and how you’re both going to try and be less moody etc

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing yes that’s what’s he’s been doing
We have spoken about this ( not in front kids) how we both got ourselves in such a way that we nitpick everything during mealtimes
I’m working on it but husband still goes in and on and I feel it just goes in one ear out the other

I didn’t shout, I raised my voice..

All I was hoping for was some sympathy from my husband not being told in a text to sort my bloody moods out when he’s constantly moody himself

Ask him to define ''mood''.

Is it asking him not to throw gasoline on tension? Is it asking him to consider your opinion?

Why is he texting you?

You said you left the kitchen…is he texting you while you are both actually in the house?

You’re feeling ill and you made dinner. He was nagging at the kids. No wonder you lost it. It’s him that needs to sort himself out 💐

@GoodnightGrandma thank you

@MakingM2 I haven’t left the house, I’m still at home just went upstairs

You got teenagers. Do not undermine each other in front of them! Never. Or things will go from baad till worst.
Learn to keep eating your meal nicely while your husband sorts the children. If they were missbehaving, they are the ones that should be paying the consequences. Not your husband and you.

@Crapoldwardrobe

The problem isn’t your moods. You’ve recognised that your family aren’t communicating with each other well (eg nagging) and that you need to work on that.

He could help with that by actually speaking to you instead of texting you while you’re both physically there. Nothing will be resolved if you can’t speak directly to each other, or if he can’t talk directly and calmly to you.

You’re right about the nagging though - lots of work for little reward.

So you decided for the both of you that now wasn't the time to parent your children? Then you shouted at him and left in a huff.

Sounds like he has a point tbh.

Sort out your kids. Don't put up with their bullshit. It's their shitty behaviour that's caused this little argument. The pair of you need to come up with a better joint strategy for dealing with them when they are acting up. Plenty of us have been there too. They can all be right shits when the mood takes them.

Talk to him, OP. It was mean of him to send that text. Try to have a proper conversation about how you can both get better at this.

Sounds like six of one, half a dozen of the other to me actually. Sort yourselves out before the teenagers run roughshod over you both

Without any more context, sounds a bit of a mountain out of a molehill. You both think the other was unreasonable. Married life x 1000.

Sounds like you need to sort the kids out first.

You were sick and tired, he was trying to sort out the kids, totally agree with cam77 , just one of those battles. And that age is hard. Lots of deep breaths needed (from someone who had similar with the kids just this morning)!!!