Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unwell child

23 replies

Feebeedeebee · 16/10/2021 10:50

I'm fully prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable here but I'm annoyed so...

Ex has our DD 4 nights out of 28 (alternate weekends). It's his weekend and I have a date tonight.

He's called this morning to let me know that DD has vomited and stated that he's bringing her home. Obviously I care that DD is unwell but I don't think it's a great idea to make her travel in a car for over an hour when this is probably a 24 hour thing and she's coming home tomorrow anyway.

His argument is that he can't afford to take time off work if he catches it but I can apparently. Seeing as she's already vomited and will already be contagious, I'd argue it's a bit late and it doesn't make sense to infect both households.

I'm never going to escape this controlling twat am I?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 16/10/2021 10:55

I'm never going to escape this controlling twat am I?

Sadly not.

You're absolutely right that she should stay where she is (setting aside the possibility that she might want to be home with you) but you can't make him do this.

Ledition · 16/10/2021 10:58

What a dickhead. YANBU OP, sorry you're lumbered with the selfish idiot.

MargaretFaffter · 16/10/2021 10:59

I don’t see why he can’t look after her and I agree that moving a sick child isn’t the greatest plan.

Valhalla17 · 16/10/2021 11:00

Why does he get to duck out of parenting duties because she's unwell? What an arse. Sorry OP.

QuestionableDanceMoves · 16/10/2021 11:02

Does he know you have a date tonight? If so I’d wonder if child was actually unwell or if it was a ploy to scupper your plans

She absolutely should stay with him if she is unwell and not come home, he’s a parent- it isn’t all fun and games, sometimes there’s vomit involved and he will have to deal with it. It’s also really unfair to make her sit in the car when unwell too

kitkatsky · 16/10/2021 11:02

Sorry OP. This sucks for you. But yeah you never escape them once you have a child with them

3teens2cats · 16/10/2021 11:04

Does he want her to vomit in his car?

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 16/10/2021 11:07

If you had kept her at home because she was ill I bet he’d have kicked off though
You can’t win
He is actually being really cruel to unnecessarily make a sick child travel in a car.

kitkatsky · 16/10/2021 11:07

If this makes you feel any better when ex moved DD under similar circumstances and had diarrhoea all over her car seat

KurtWilde · 16/10/2021 11:10

I feel like we have the same exh. Obviously we don't, but this is the kind of thing he does.

Does he know you have a date?

Porcupineintherough · 16/10/2021 11:13

You'll escape when she becomes an adult. As for today, you could tell him you are away for the day. Or if its too lare for today, try that next time.

Hopefully she's passed on her bug already.
YANBU in any shape or form btw.

Thehop · 16/10/2021 11:15

Tell him you’re away and he’s perfectly capable of looking after her. What a tool.

Original poster
Feebeedeebee · 16/10/2021 11:22

I'd told him I was out tonight as I got a call last time she was there because she'd said she wanted to come home. I'm wishing I'd said I was away for the weekend now.

OP posts:
DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 16/10/2021 11:24

How old is your daughter?

Original poster
Feebeedeebee · 16/10/2021 11:43

She's about to turn 6

OP posts:
Botherfreedays · 16/10/2021 11:52

Just say you’re not at hime and won’t be until tomorrow.

clockover · 16/10/2021 11:56

He could stay further away from her and be less likely to catch anything by remaining at home. An hour close contact in the car is batshit. Still, let's hope at the very least she likes on the carpets of said car.

clockover · 16/10/2021 11:56

Pukes in the carpet Blush

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 16/10/2021 12:27

I get that you’re annoyed
I agree he’s being a shitty parent and not pulling his weight
I agree he shouldn’t be putting your almost six year old daughter in the car but he sounds as if he is going to.

Don’t play mind games swift him, just carry on being the bigger person and frankly much better partner by just getting her out of the car snd being her mum when she gets back. The most important things here is that this little girl is looked after and not made to feel like an unwanted parcel spoiling her separated parents weekends.

That’s not in any way a criticism of you OP.
He’s bang out of order but he’s not the important one here.
Hope she’s ok

TheAverageUser · 16/10/2021 12:30

He obviously sees you as the default parent and almost like he's just babysitting, what an idiot. He should keep her but there's not much you can do if he's bringing her back

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 16/10/2021 12:31

Much better parent not partner sorry

milkytwilight · 16/10/2021 12:46

Tell him you're away on a night out tonight, quite far away, and won't be home until tomorrow.

Original poster
Feebeedeebee · 16/10/2021 23:53

Wow, what a day. Got a call this afternoon to say she was feeling better and didn't want to come home. That was shortly after I'd confirmed I wasn't willing to drive to meet him halfway.

Date thankfully very understanding and I've had a really great evening out.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread