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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re: Panic attack while babysitting

25 replies

SomethingPunny · 15/10/2021 22:21

I have had a panic disorder for 16 years. My sister obviously knows this but has routinely asked me to babysit her two sons (now aged 16 and 9) throughout this time. Additionally, I have been a single mum to two daughters (now aged 20 and 18) who were toddlers when I developed the condition.

I looked after my 9yo nephew on Tuesday and my sister has accused me of putting him in danger because I had a panic attack while he was here. He wasn't in danger, he was downstairs playing xbox while I sat upstairs to calm down. Then I went down played xbox with him for a bit and we watched a film. In the last 16 years no one has ever implied that my panic attacks have put any children in my care in danger and plenty of people who were well aware of my condition have asked me to babysit.

AIBU to think that you can't rely on someone who has a panic disorder for childcare for 16 years and then accuse them of endangering a child when they have a panic attack?!

OP posts:
Original poster
SomethingPunny · 15/10/2021 22:22

Oops, I meant to turn on voting

OP posts:
Original poster
SomethingPunny · 15/10/2021 22:29

Oh, wrong topic! Very sorry, I'll ask for it to be moved!

OP posts:
fourandnomore · 15/10/2021 23:00

Yanbu

MountainAshley · 15/10/2021 23:05

yanbu

Notaroadrunner · 15/10/2021 23:06

YANBU. At least you won't have to babysit for her again.

junebirthdaygirl · 15/10/2021 23:09

How did your sister know you had a panic attack?
Sounds like you handled it well and absolutely no harm done to dn.
YANBU

Original poster
SomethingPunny · 15/10/2021 23:09

@Notaroadrunner

YANBU. At least you won't have to babysit for her again.
Well, this is true... But I adore my little nephew so I really hope she won't try to keep him away from me now.
OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2021 23:09

Your sister is being an absolute twat. Is she normally so ignorant and insensitive?

Original poster
SomethingPunny · 15/10/2021 23:12

@junebirthdaygirl

How did your sister know you had a panic attack? Sounds like you handled it well and absolutely no harm done to dn. YANBU
I mentioned it because she wanted me to have him again tomorrow night and I asked if there was anyone else who could have him as my anxiety has been bad lately. I have had attacks when he and/or his brother have been here previously and mentioned it and she never batted an eyelid so I had no reason to think I shouldn't mention it this time.
OP posts:
NorthernBirdAtHeart · 15/10/2021 23:12

YANBU in the slightest!
Hope you’re feeling better today OP.

Original poster
SomethingPunny · 15/10/2021 23:13

@Aquamarine1029

Your sister is being an absolute twat. Is she normally so ignorant and insensitive?
No, not usually. That's why this has come as a huge shock to me today.
OP posts:
Original poster
SomethingPunny · 15/10/2021 23:14

@NorthernBirdAtHeart

YANBU in the slightest! Hope you’re feeling better today OP.
Thanks 😊 I'm not, but I appreciate the sentiment and these things pass!
OP posts:
Ozberry · 15/10/2021 23:16

This is so strange. Of course a nine year old can play console for a while, while you get yourself together.
Is she saying something else happened? Surely she doesn’t expect you to be glued to him?

Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2021 23:18

Just wanted to mention... Anxiety/increased anxiety and panic attacks are extremely common during peri-menopause. If your anxiety has been worse, peri may be a culprit. HRT was a lifesaver for me.

Babyghirl · 15/10/2021 23:20

@Somethingpunny
Well she knew you had it but still asked so if she says you put my son in danger I would turn it round and say no you did you knew I had panic attacks 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈. But more to the point why you babysitting a 16 year old I'm sure the 16 year old is capable of looking after the 9 year old unless there something wrong with him and needs minded.

Heruka · 15/10/2021 23:21

I will go against the grain a little and mention that I do think a child of any age witnessing the adult who is there to protect them start to panic, would likely be frightening to some degree. So I can understand her concern for her son. However as you say, it seems your sister has been comfortable with the risk of this happening for a long time, so she is unreasonable if she is being hard on you.

Original poster
SomethingPunny · 15/10/2021 23:26

@Ozberry

This is so strange. Of course a nine year old can play console for a while, while you get yourself together. Is she saying something else happened? Surely she doesn’t expect you to be glued to him?
Her exact words were "I’m telling you that you having a panic attack with (nephew) there could have potentially put him in danger and I had a right to know that."

When he is home he spends plenty of time alone in his room, which I agree is totally normal. She's not a helicopter parent.

I had my bedroom door open, he knew where to find me and I called down to him every so often to check he was ok. He was playing age appropriate games. I'm not sure what she thought was going to happen to him 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
SomethingPunny · 15/10/2021 23:28

@Aquamarine1029

Just wanted to mention... Anxiety/increased anxiety and panic attacks are extremely common during peri-menopause. If your anxiety has been worse, peri may be a culprit. HRT was a lifesaver for me.
Yes, definitely something to keep in mind. I'm not showing any other signs that I'm aware of but I'll keep an eye on the situation.
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Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2021 23:29

I'd tell your sister to fuck right off. She's being absolutely ridiculous.

Original poster
SomethingPunny · 15/10/2021 23:31

[quote Babyghirl]@Somethingpunny
Well she knew you had it but still asked so if she says you put my son in danger I would turn it round and say no you did you knew I had panic attacks 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈. But more to the point why you babysitting a 16 year old I'm sure the 16 year old is capable of looking after the 9 year old unless there something wrong with him and needs minded.[/quote]
Ah, I wasn't babysitting the 16yo. He has ADHD and is ok to spend an evening home alone, but not to be responsible for his little brother.

OP posts:
HappyGirl86 · 15/10/2021 23:32

As someone who has also suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for years, I can totally see why you feel hurt by her comment OP.
There's been plenty of times in the past that I've had terrible panic attacks and my kids are perfectly safe and healthy. Thankfully most of them happened at night when my kids were in bed but I am still capable of keeping my children safe while feeling anxious.
I'm sure you love your nephew and you would never want him to be in danger and you would have called her or someone else if it had got worse.
I'm guessing that your sister hasn't ever suffered with anxiety? It can be harder for people to understand if they haven't felt it themselves.

HappyGirl86 · 15/10/2021 23:32

I think you put it perfectly @Aquamarine1029

Original poster
SomethingPunny · 15/10/2021 23:34

@Heruka

I will go against the grain a little and mention that I do think a child of any age witnessing the adult who is there to protect them start to panic, would likely be frightening to some degree. So I can understand her concern for her son. However as you say, it seems your sister has been comfortable with the risk of this happening for a long time, so she is unreasonable if she is being hard on you.
Not just the risk of it happening, but knowing that it has happened previously and hasn't shown any concern.

I totally understand where you are coming from but I'm confident that he was unaware of my panic, most adults wouldn't know just from looking at me. I just told him I was going upstairs for a while and he could give me a shout if he needed anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
SomethingPunny · 15/10/2021 23:37

@Aquamarine1029

I'd tell your sister to fuck right off. She's being absolutely ridiculous.
Honestly, and I'm sure plenty of people will say this is where IABU, that's exactly what I did.
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Original poster
SomethingPunny · 15/10/2021 23:42

@HappyGirl86

As someone who has also suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for years, I can totally see why you feel hurt by her comment OP. There's been plenty of times in the past that I've had terrible panic attacks and my kids are perfectly safe and healthy. Thankfully most of them happened at night when my kids were in bed but I am still capable of keeping my children safe while feeling anxious. I'm sure you love your nephew and you would never want him to be in danger and you would have called her or someone else if it had got worse. I'm guessing that your sister hasn't ever suffered with anxiety? It can be harder for people to understand if they haven't felt it themselves.
I'm sorry to hear you struggle with anxiety and panic too. You're right, unless you have been through it, it's hard to understand what it's like.

I absolutely would not put my nephew in any danger, of course! And although he was perfectly safe on Tuesday, I didn't want to risk it happening again which is why I called my sister and asked if there was anyone else who could have him tomorrow. I thought I was being responsible.

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