To ask what’s it like being the weekend parent?

[ArranMumma]

I am pregnant and my baby’s Dad and I have split up. We are on good terms and plan is that I will look after our baby during the week and he will see him weekends.

What’s it like being the weekend parent? When they’re a baby and as they get older?

Are there issues with bonding? I want them to both have a great relationship.

I'd be more concerned that you'll end up with all the drudgery of the week day stuff and he gets to be fun weekend dad.

Does work dictate this is how it has to be?

Don't give up your weekends! Have an every other week arrangement for weekends and split time in the week. Babies don't stay little forever and you will sacrifice all of your lovely time together! Children need a balance of time with both parents.

You need to consider this a bit more... If someone you know has a party, invites you over, has a day out your son will never go with you... Every other weekend, and midweek contact is better and more regular for everyone, in most circumstances.

You need every other weekend or you'll end up as school run and homework while your ex gets all the fun social days out.

While your baby is young it’s better for him to have little and often contact with his dad, as in an hour or two a couple of times a week. Being away from you all weekend will be a bit much for a newborn.

As he gets older then the stretches can get longer but as others have said, once the child is at school you will get all the early mornings and homework while his dad will get to chill out and be Disney dad. Plus you’ll have to sort your childcare for the school holidays (6 weeks in summer plus 2 each at Easter/Xmas and 3 half term weeks, so 11 weeks you need to consider) while his days remain uninterrupted and cost him nothing.

For an older child alternating weekends makes sense, and then your ex can do a bit more of the weekday shifts too, meaning he can sort childcare, help with homework and remember to make a costume for world book day!

I think you need to reconsider every weekend with dad. Not only do you get the drudgery of the hectic week but if you're working, you get the crappiness after nursery for an hour at best. You'll never see school parents at parties or do the swimming classes..
Every other weekend seems better plus a night during the weeks, but only from about 3 years old.
However good things are now, don't get into an arrangement that you'll struggle to change later
.

Shouldn’t you get some weekends too? You want your share of the fun as well as the routine weekday stuff.

I agree with everyone else. Unless there is a specific reason you can’t have your DC then you definitely need some weekend time. Also, at first, your child can’t be away for a whole weekend. Depending on whether you breastfeed or not may depend if they can stay away and for how long. Even if you bottle feed, your DC will still want its mummy. If the relationship allows, maybe your ex could visit at your house for an hour three times a week for the first few months.

Think ahead op. Once your child is in nursery then school weekends are relax and family time and week days are not. Don't give up your weekends!

Does he live near enough you can have little and often rather than losing your baby for long stretches

When the baby is a baby, s/he will find it extremely hard to be apart from you, and you will hopefully feel the same. At the beginning I’d focus on your bond with the baby, which is a physical and chemical thing. Dads bond more slowly. As DH said when DS was 3 months old: wow babies really aren’t interested in Dads eh.

I’m not sure what your plans are but if you breastfeed (which I adored - felt amazing - So convenient in middle of night / in car, and has antibodies and painkiller etc), then it makes no sense for you to be apart from the baby all weekend, at least not until s/he is being weaned.

I suggest you discuss it with him after the birth when you know if you’re doing bottle or breast feeding, how you’re feeling etc.

I do know mums with older children where the Dad does the weekend, and it does seem to make Dad ‘the fun one’. Butnon the other hand it is clearer and easier for the child. 🤷‍♀️ You will find what works for you all.

xx

My daughters best friend goes to her dads every weekend and half of the school holidays. Her mum doesn't work.

She's a very anxious and emotional child. Her mum says bye Friday morning before school and sees her again 6pm Monday teatime.

I think it's crazy to give up every weekend. You can never enjoy time together.