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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inheritance

25 replies

erin48 · 14/10/2021 22:11

I'll give some background as to why I don't trust my mum with some inheritance I'm due shortly.

My whole childhood I was let down by her, I was adopted by my Grandparents because she was a drug addict, alcoholic and I was put in so much danger all of the time.

I had a post office savings account, £3,000 in it that my Nan and Grandad took over paying into when I moved in with them, it was meant for when I was 21, I would have had a small deposit saved for a house or a flat. That was stolen by my mum, she took the book and withdrew it. Spent it on gambling, alcohol and drugs.

20 years later.... 6 years ago my great aunt in Ireland sadly passed away, we had a great relationship, we wrote to each other and chatted on the phone from when I was a child. She never had children so the will apparently was left to my mum and her two sisters. For the past 2 years my Mum has been telling me it's coming, "it's the solicitors" it's this or that, always an excuse to push it back.

Unfortunately due to some financial difficulties I got into some debt trying to pay my bills etc and I wanted to use my inheritance to make myself debt free (I also would put the rest of it into savings), I am paying the debt off through stepchange but I'd like to use it to clean the slate for me and move on from that bad period of my life and to try and build my credit.

I don't trust that I am not named in the will because of how close we were and I also don't believe I'm ever going to see this money from my mum. Every time I talk to her, she brings it up herself and says "within a couple weeks I'll be able to send you your money" that's been going on for 6 months now and I'm just getting tired of her letting me down.

Can I request a copy of the will? Would my mum find out? It's also in Ireland so I don't know how I'd go about this? What do I do if my mum doesn't give me the money? She's verbally told me she is giving me part of "her" inheritance? It's in texts to me too.

OP posts:

monkeysox · 14/10/2021 22:16

You can and should request a copy of the will

HollowTalk · 14/10/2021 22:18

So the will didn't mention you? Why do you think your mum will give you some of the money?

Original poster

erin48 · 14/10/2021 22:23

@HollowTalk because since she found out about the will and her being in it, she told me she would give me some of hers and has mentioned it every time we talk since.

OP posts:

Original poster

erin48 · 14/10/2021 22:23

Thank you @monkeysox

OP posts:

MurielSpriggs · 14/10/2021 22:25

@monkeysox

You can and should request a copy of the will

Wills which have been submitted as part of an application for a Grant of Representation become public documents once such a Grant has issued and may be requested from the Probate Office in Dublin or the appropriate District Probate Registry.

CLICK HERE TO ACCESS THE SEARCH
www.courts.ie/probate-register-online

iheartredsquirrels · 14/10/2021 22:39

I wouldn't count on her giving you any money tbh, she sounds very flaky.

gofg · 14/10/2021 22:45

I'm not in the UK, but who is administering the will? If you are mentioned in it the trustees have to pay the money directly to you. If the money was only left to your mother and her sisters then I doubt you will see any given your mother's history - and unfortunately there is nothing you can do about that. If you haven't been left anything in the will, then it is not "your" inheritance.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 14/10/2021 22:48

We requested a grandparents will. One of them had told me they were leaving money ti grandkids and that my uncle knew what their plans were. Nothing happened and we heard everything had been left to uncle. Will confirmed that was what the will asked for.

fumfspos · 14/10/2021 22:53

She never had children so the will apparently was left to my mum and her two sisters

But this sounds like your great aunt left the estate to your mum and two sisters so therefore it's not your inheritance and you mum doesn't have to give you any of it.

Do request the will using the link another poster has posted already. Then you will know what you are dealing with.

Original poster

erin48 · 14/10/2021 23:20

You're right my Mum doesn't have to give me anything. At all. I wish she hadn't of promised for the past years that she is (this come out of her mouth, I would never ask for somebody's money!).

OP posts:

Original poster

erin48 · 14/10/2021 23:20

Thank you for the link, I'm ordering one tomorrow.

OP posts:

SilentPanic · 14/10/2021 23:27

But you don't think you're named in the will so why order a copy..?
You're effectively hoping for a financial handout from someone who has proven over and over again to be uncaring and flaky. I'm sorry but I think you're gonna have to let this one go.

Nothingfree · 14/10/2021 23:33

Your mum has already proved that she cannot be trusted (stealing from you, so verydoubt she will give you anything ) Take what she has said with a pinch of salt OP

Strokethefurrywall · 14/10/2021 23:44

Your mum sounds like an absolute shit bag. I’m so sorry you didn’t have her fighting your corner growing up.
Please do request a copy so you know exactly where you stand. Knowledge is power and once you know you can either ask her for a cut, or put it out of your mind and move on.
But honestly, I think unless there was money ring fenced for you, I would expect nothing from your mum. Or you can ask her to pay back the €3k she stole from you.,.

Bellyups · 14/10/2021 23:53

You state that your aunt left money in her will to her siblings? Not you?
If that’s the case then your mum doesn’t have to give you anything, and by the sound of her past behaviour, probably won’t.

Original poster

erin48 · 14/10/2021 23:55

@Strokethefurrywall thank you so much.

I wouldn't have ever expected anything, my Mum told me she was giving me some out of hers, I even said "I don't want any honestly, thank you though" as I know what she's like fast forward all these years later she still brings it up every time we talk and says she will be getting it soon.

Long Irish court case over the house as my aunt had a lodger who took the piss out of her, stole from her etc (my aunt was disabled) and it took them years to get her out of the house so they could sell.

The whole will thing is down to me not trusting my uncle (mums sisters husband) as he cannot be trusted yet for some reason he ended up as the executor of the will.

I won't ask my mum, I never have done, I have told her what I plan on doing with it which she agreed would be a good idea to be able to financially start again but maybe inside I'm still that little girl who's hoping her mum would let her down again.

OP posts:

gurnnine · 15/10/2021 00:02

some inheritance I'm due shortly

I wanted to use my inheritance to make myself debt free

You've mentioned twice you are due an inheritance. Then you've contradicted yourself and stated that it's actually your mum who has inherited. Not you. You aren't entitled to this money.

If you think you've been mentioned in the will and the money has been withheld, then do as suggested above and request a copy.

But by the sounds of things I wouldn't get my hopes up, and your mum doesn't owe you anything anyway. It's hers

EraOfTheGrey · 15/10/2021 03:48

Do you mean that your Mum has agreed to pay back the money she stole from you? Perhaps she's saying you will get your 'inheritance' when she receives hers?

MintJulia · 15/10/2021 04:05

I think your best approach is to request a copy of the will to determine the facts. Your mum sounds so flaky it could all be a fantasy.

Even if she is due to inherit (or has already inherited), come to terms with the fact that you won't get a penny.

Then if she does give you any money, it's a bonus. But don't hold your breath,OP.

2catsandhappy · 15/10/2021 05:18

I hope your mum does return the money she stole from you. Maybe this alleged inheritence will be the way she does it. Obviously you are not holding your breath.
She is repeating this as she gets a little thrill and a cosy feeling when she says it. She is generously offering something she knows she is not obliged to. Like a sort of 'Anything you need, let me know or Just ask if you need a baby sitter, and then coming back with excuses to not do it. That type of thing.
Has Uncle contacted you? Or indicated the legal process is coming to an end?

It took 6 or so months for my brother to wind up our df's estate.

RaaFace · 15/10/2021 06:52

Check the will doesn't include you and then try to forget about it for a few months. You could try saying to your mum, just let me know when you need my bank details.

Chronicallymothering · 15/10/2021 13:14

I’m sorry OP, but after 6 years I think it’s gone. I’d look into getting a copy of the will to check you weren’t named, and then move on. If she was going to share she would have done it already. It’d be highly unusual for an estate to take so long to wrap up.

BlueSuffragette · 15/10/2021 13:29

Ask her to at least give you back the money she stole from you. Sadly I think you have little chance of ever seeing that returned or any further inheritance. Maybe tell her to save some of the money she inherited to fund carers when she needs them, as you'll be cracking on with your own life. Best wishes OP xxx

HeckyPeck · 15/10/2021 13:33

@gurnnine

some inheritance I'm due shortly

I wanted to use my inheritance to make myself debt free

You've mentioned twice you are due an inheritance. Then you've contradicted yourself and stated that it's actually your mum who has inherited. Not you. You aren't entitled to this money.

If you think you've been mentioned in the will and the money has been withheld, then do as suggested above and request a copy.

But by the sounds of things I wouldn't get my hopes up, and your mum doesn't owe you anything anyway. It's hers

She does owe OP the money she stole from her though.

I hope, if nothing else, you get that back OP.

I'm so sorry that you mum treated you so badly.

FirewomanSam · 15/10/2021 13:53

I’m so sorry OP but it sounds to me like the money is gone and that your mum is kidding herself (and you) that she’ll be able to drum up some money to give to you shortly.

Do request a copy of the will to set things straight in your mind and confirm once and for all whether any money was actually left or you, but it sounds like your mum inherited the money, not you, and any ‘promise’ she’s made to give you doesn’t legally mean a thing I’m afraid. I don’t know how probate works in Ireland but in my experience in England it shouldn’t take more than a year or so. Six years is far too long.

Assuming the will confirms that, then I think you need to make your peace with this money being gone and not pin your hopes on this windfall. It sounds to me like your mum is enjoying having this hold over you and you need to mentally let it go.

I’m so sorry your mum has treated you so badly.

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