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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my ex wife should not take child trust fund money?

33 replies

InSearchOfAPear · 14/10/2021 20:14

My soon to be 18yr old has just received her child trust fund letter telling her how much she is to be awarded. Also just passed her driving test... Her mum has just announced that it will be £2k less than the total. Her reason is that our other daughter just missed the CTF as she is slightly older. So, some time back a separate fund was started for eldest daughter(ED didn't know about it) but her mum dipped into it and spent the funds on something else. Now mum is telling youngest daughter she wants to give £2k to eldest daughter or actually use it for university fees for eldest daughter. Youngest daughter is now torn and not sure what to do...

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 14/10/2021 20:17

Is her mum the trustee? If so, she has a legal duty to follow the terms of the trust. Do you have a copy of the trust document to discuss with a solicitor?

jagoda · 14/10/2021 20:19

No way! The mother should repay what she stole took from the eldest childs savings account. The youngest child shouldn't have to repay the mother's debt.

Longdistance · 14/10/2021 20:21

I didn’t think you could remove money from a CTF? You can move around, but not remove money.

anotherworkingsunday · 14/10/2021 20:21

Your ex wife should reimburse the eldest daughter, unless the money was directly spent on her in some way. Not take away from the younger daughter to cover up a discrepancy that ex-wife herself has caused.

Whatinthelord · 14/10/2021 20:22

Surely when she turns 18 it’s her money?
I don’t think it’s fair for her mum to decide what to do with her money.

Silenceisgolden20 · 14/10/2021 20:25

You can touch child trust money or take it out, it belongs to the child.

KatySun · 14/10/2021 20:25

I didn’t think you could remove money either. My DD had an appointment with a financial advisor when she turned 18 who advised her on the various options she had. Very clearly her money.

Original poster
InSearchOfAPear · 14/10/2021 20:25

I think she is/has been but now it's at the point where the child will be paid the money into her account so her mum can't access the funds but obviously has the power to pressure youngest daughter

OP posts:
Silenceisgolden20 · 14/10/2021 20:25

Bloody typing, CAN'T

Silenceisgolden20 · 14/10/2021 20:26

I don't understand? She wouldn't have been able to touch the trust money

canigooutyet · 14/10/2021 20:28

Tell mum to do one. Not her fault she was born after this had been introduced.

She will have to find another way to pay back older sibling.

Whatinthelord · 14/10/2021 20:29

@InSearchOfAPear

I think she is/has been but now it's at the point where the child will be paid the money into her account so her mum can't access the funds but obviously has the power to pressure youngest daughter
What did she spent the other daughters saving on? Not that it’s relevant, I’m just nosy.

I think you need to advocate and support your daughter to keep her money, if there’s an issue with you’re other daughter not having savings maybe you and her mum can work out a plan together to help her get some savings too?

CoffeeBeansGalore · 14/10/2021 20:30

Reading the Op, the youngest child had a child trust fund account. The eldest didn't as it wasn't around when she was born. So a savings account was set up for eldest but mum has spent the money.

HenriettaVioletta · 14/10/2021 20:30

I'd get advice about this but as I understand it if money's on trust it's not the parent's, even if they have access to it. What you do even if that is so depends on your own family dynamics. Obviously the adults need to find a way of patching this up.

As an aside I thought the CTFs reverted to child control at 16? May be something else to bring up with the mother as leverage.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 14/10/2021 20:32

It is the child's money exclusively to do with what she wishes. Completely unfair of your ex to manipulate her into gifting some of it away to her sister especially considering the eldest daughter was considered and an account was set up for her. Your ex spent it, it is up to her and not your other daughter to replace it if she can. If she cannot then the eldest goes without.

We set up the CTFs but never paid into them personally but instead set up savings accounts in each child's name so we could keep it fair and have control of the money. Ds1 is 18 and he has had the contents of both the CTF and the savings account as they were intended for him.

HenriettaVioletta · 14/10/2021 20:33

Even if it's a regular savings account for the child you can't touch it. I had one for my son and the bank contacted him when he was 16 to let him know about it.

MadeForThis · 14/10/2021 20:34

Mum needs to pay her eldest daughter back.

Youngest keeps all her money.

AlexaShutUp · 14/10/2021 20:36

That money belongs to your younger dd. It is not her responsibility to pay back the money to her older and sister that their mother took.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 14/10/2021 20:41

Your ex needs to pay back the money she stole from her eldest daughter from her own funds. She should not now be willing to also try and steal from her youngest daughters funds as well.

3cats4poniesandababy · 14/10/2021 20:47

So mother stole money from the eldest daughter and is know expecting youngester to repay this......

Urr no. Ans those asking how mother manged it I the eldest was to old for a child trust fund then it may have been in a normal savings accounts. Even if in a child's name often parents can withdraw money from them.

You should have your children's back and call out your exs behaviour

FluffyWhiteBird · 14/10/2021 20:48

You need to support both your DD here. Eldest has her mum stealing from her and that needs dealing with, officially if necessary. Youngest is being pressured to cover up mum's theft by using her own money to "even things out". It's all bonkers. Show DDs what's right. If mum won't apologize and pay back eldest, go to the police and let her realise how serious what she's done is.

Original poster
InSearchOfAPear · 14/10/2021 20:53

Thank you everyone for your comments and advice Smile

OP posts:
PicaK · 14/10/2021 20:58

Hang on...
You would have known about what fund was set up for your eldest daughter.
The details of who would maintain control of this would have been agreed in your divorce financial agreement.
When was the fund dipped into? If when you were married this was then a joint action.
Tell your youngest daughter to keep the money.
Shoulder the required amount of responsibility (depending on whether you were married or not when the fund was dipped into) and let your eldest daughter know that you were both aware of the disparity and did nothing about it.

Bouledeneige · 14/10/2021 21:05

I don't know the Ins and outs of trust funds. But I would say that my DC each got £1000 from my Mum when she died. The money was out into an ISA. Because DD was older by two years when she inherited the money by the time she reached 18 she had earned less on her ISA than her brother did by the time he got to the same age. No one made any adjustments or interfered with their accounts. That's outrageous!

Fiddlersgreen · 14/10/2021 21:12

You can’t take money from the child trust fund accounts, I assume that the older dd had a normal savings account set up for her and despite being in her name, parents can withdraw from it. I know this because my ex took all the money from our sons account

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